Wuhan Coronavirus Madness and Funnies!

Madness or Funny? You decide!


In the Iranian city of Qom, a Muslim cleric named Ayatollah Tabrizian denounced Western medicine and suggested alternative methods to combat the Wuhan virus-induced COVID-19 respiratory disease.

Along with combing your hair thoroughly, consuming copious amounts of brown sugar, burning wild rue, and  inhaling snuff, Ayatollah Tabrizian suggested the novel technique of smearing violet leaf oil on one’s anus. He posted this on the social messaging service Telegram (source: The New Arab):

“Before bedtime, drench some cotton in violet oil and apply onto your anus”

In India, a Hindu group hosted a cow-urine drinking party on Saturday to ward off the Wuhan virus in the belief that cow pee has magical medicinal properties because Hindus consider cows to be sacred. (Daily Mail)

Meanwhile, in the United States, last Thursday afternoon (March 12) in a jam-packed Sam’s Club of panicked shoppers in metro Atlanta, Georgia, a fight broke out when a man in a motorized shopping cart bumped into the cart pushed by a man and woman.

Motorized-man and cart-man grabbed wine bottles and began hitting each other, which ended in one man being wheeled out of the store on a stretcher. (AJC)

I suggest you lower your volume before clicking on the video below.

On Saturday, March 14, in Oregon, the Newport Police Department asked the public not to call 9-1-1 because they ran out of toilet paper. Below is the Newport PD’s post on Facebook:

It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.
In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue. Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used. Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal. Then, of course, there are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now. Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will even tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin.
Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

Meanwhile, back in Iran, the epicenter of the pandemic in the Middle East, yesterday the government reported 113 new Wuhan coronavirus deaths, the country’s biggest single-day jump in fatalities since the outbreak began, bringing the death toll to 724, and confirmed COVID-19 cases to nearly 14,000. There are reasons to suspect the actual number of infections in Iran is much higher.

But as countries across Europe, the latest being Germany, close their borders to contain the Wuhan virus, President Hassan Rouhani of Iran ruled out a general quarantine and said the government was working to keep open the country’s borders. (Fox News)

~Eowyn

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

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TrailDusttruckjunkieMaryahachemtrailssuckCalGirl Recent comment authors
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DCG
Admin

Utter madness!!

CalGirl
Guest
CalGirl

Or, in the case of the Hindu cow-urine-imbibers: Udder Maddness!

chemtrailssuck
Guest

Ha ha, good one!

dave
Guest
dave

the NYT, Time Magazine and Newsweek are expensive alternatives if you have no TP. USATODAY seems to work as well but might leave you with a multicolored bottom

Phil
Guest
Phil

Those publications are already full of poo, straight from the shelf.

Vin ze Vizzer
Guest
Vin ze Vizzer

Anus? I do that everyday. I should be in the clear then.

YouKnowWho
Guest
YouKnowWho

I went to CVS today. They were out of toilet paper but that string of coupons the printer spits out will do in a pinch! I just bought 3 or 4 things one at a time and I’ve got enough coupons to last at least a few days.

chemtrailssuck
Guest

Finally, a good way to use the Washington Post, New York Times, political literature….

Most people who are journeying outside aren’t really worried about it where we are at. It’s the sheeple who panic and think the sky is falling who are the ones wiping out the toilet paper. Geez, you can use paper towels, the stores are now limiting those so there won’t be shortages, but still no tp. Plenty of tissues too. Improvise. It’s amazing that TP and dried pasta were the first things to go.

chemtrailssuck
Guest

Awesome article, and got the giggles from the TP suggestions like Hilary’s book!

Maryaha
Guest
Maryaha

The over-reaction to this virus is off the charts. I don’t understand what is going on here. It sounds more like these crazy people have contracted some kind of brain melting disease.

truckjunkie
Guest
truckjunkie

I agree with you-I wonder how long before Gas Stations have to use closed circuit TV and armed guards outside their bathrooms…..

chemtrailssuck
Guest

Armed guards will be stationed during unloading of the Charmin delivery truck, ha ha!

truckjunkie
Guest
truckjunkie

I know this is just common sense to thinking people,but DON’T flush any wipes that aren’t toilet paper,or you’ll find out what’s worse than running out of TP.

TrailDust
Admin

I love the suggestions for alternative toilet paper! 😀