Why We Love Children …..

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. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later…..’Da-ad….’
‘What?’
‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’
‘No, You had your chance. Lights out.’
Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaaad…..’
‘WHAT?’
‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’
‘ I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!’
Five minutes later…….’Daaaa-aaaad…..’
‘WHAT!’
‘When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?’

. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’
The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, ‘Mummy, will you sleep with me
tonight?’
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
‘I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.’
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
‘The big sissy.’


. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children’s sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the minister leaned over and said, ‘That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?’
The little girl replied, directly into the minister’s clip-on
microphone, ‘Yes, and my Mum says it’s a bitch to iron.’


. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, ‘Mummy, you are getting fat!’
I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.’
‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s growing in your bum?’


. A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, ‘Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….’
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?’
The little boy answered, ‘I’m doing my math homework, Mum.’
‘And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?’ the mother asked
‘Yes,’ he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ‘What are you
teaching my son in math?’
The teacher replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.’
The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
son of a bitch is four?’
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.’



. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I’m Mr.
Sugarbrown’s daughter.’
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, ‘I’m Jane
Sugarbrown.’
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, ‘Aren’t you Mr.
Sugarbrown’s daughter?’
She replied, ‘I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.’


. A little girl asked her mother, ‘Can I go outside and play

with the boys?’
Her mother replied, ‘No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re

too rough.’
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?’


A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her,

‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your muffin..’
She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’


Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

~Steve~                               H/T Brother Joseph 

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Dr. Eowyn
Admin
5 years ago

HA HA HA HA!
Thanks for starting our day with laughs, Steve & Joseph!

Leeann Springer
Leeann Springer
5 years ago

How funny! My favorites are “the little girl’s dress” and the “little boy and his math homework! Leeann : )

truckjunkie
truckjunkie
5 years ago

Those are ALL Top Notch! Thanks for the laughs!

Ken Adachi
1 month ago

Hello,
This is Ken Adachi. I’m wondering if there is some way to contact “Steve” via email? I just read a story he posted on April 22, 2014 titled, Boston Bombing. The Case Of The Missing Pinky.,which reviewed photos from a series of articles I posted in April and May 2013 regarding Jeff Bauman and the Boston Bombing hoax. If he could email me, I would love to talk to him. My email is k-a@tutanota.com/. Thanks for forwarding this message to him, Ken

Dr. Eowyn
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Ken Adachi

Mr. Adachi:

Steve is no longer a FOTM writer, but I’ve forwarded your request to his email address.

Ken Adachi
1 month ago
Reply to  Dr. Eowyn

Thank you very much Dr Eowyn. I just read your story about being taken offline by WordPress in 2018. I’m sure you had to do a lot of work to resurrect all of those articles from Wayback etc. Glad you have your own domain and server now. Continued success as a beacon of Enlightenment, Honesty & Integrity.. Sincerely, Ken .

CalGirl
CalGirl
1 month ago

HA HA. Thanks for this. This is why I am a middle school teacher. I am continually entertained and, usually, without tears or whining of elementary kids or the hormonal high school kids…..it’s all hands on deck for my “ridiculous award” that often comes up in my classroom to be enjoyed by all.