Why athletes can't have regular jobs…

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  1.  Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”
  2.  New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”
  3.  And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say:  “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl.” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
  4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treat us like mens.. He let us wear earrings..”
  5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
  6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..” (Now that is beautiful)
  7. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”
  8. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
  9. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”
  10. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
  11. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”
  12. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
  13. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: “I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”


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11 responses to “Why athletes can't have regular jobs…

  1. I snorted with laughter at every one of them!!! 🙂

  2. Jocks never learn.

  3. These are hilarious. My favorite (aack! so many to choose from!) is #5. Norman Einstein! I’ll have to remember that one.
    stupid jocks

  4. Muscles and brains must be mutually exclusive.

  5. I was a jock …but then my hair began to turn from blonde to brown. Now that it’s shifting back to white I’m beginning to feel ‘special’ again…
    I’m amphibious,too. 🙂

  6. what no yogi berra malaprops. it ain’t over till its over…i bet obama doesn’t know einsteins first name either.

  7. “There’s principalities involved here.” –Big Worm

  8. thanks but wasn’t my idea…got it in an email awhile ago. still funny stuff 🙂

  9. Yet everyone dumps on Tim Tebow? Be afraid America, be very afraid.

  10. These are funny!

  11. okay just remembered there used to be an outfielder for the cubs name of Moises Alou played left field and he was the guy that bartmen (the fan) who caught the ball in the left field foul area that alou tried to catch. anyway a reporter asked alou about his not wearing batting gloves when he was at bat and what he did to protect his hands and alou told the reporter that since he was little he had been peeing on his hands and that had made his hands tough. okay now in the regular world alou working at a fast food or any restaurant making sandwiches and knowing that the man regularly peed on his hands do you order food from him?


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