Today I offend the elderly. Not meaning to.

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I know dementia is not something to joke about. I usually never explain myself in these jokes, but I find them funny because being in my 50’s they already happen to me. My Mom is 80 and it’s not so funny that she is losing memory.
————- Steve——– ——-  H/T  Joseph———————–
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, soas not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

‘Where’s my toast?’

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Do I know her?’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’
‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’

‘Twelve thirty.’

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

One more!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Now , before you ‘forget’, send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh !!

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0 responses to “Today I offend the elderly. Not meaning to.

  1. Ya I get it.. Also the same age… and funny…
    One advantage is that ya can hide your own Easter eggs….

    • Yo, Steve! I just turned 69 [I think….] and love these for the same reasons, esp after three concussions which made my short-term memory fall out nearly completely. After taking nutritional supplements and other aids, I’m doing FAR better, but it’s REALLY annoying to forget what you set out to do or whatever, like this reply which has gotten out of hand, so I’ll say ‘Goodbye!’ now.

    • So, like, Easter is what… ?

  2. Plus everybody ya meet is a new friend….

    • You can read the same book over and over again… 😉

    • Friend, after what I went through the past year, I STRONGLY advise folks to heed the wisdom of the old gospel song title, “Don’t take everybody to be your friend” to heart and mind!

  3. I’m 67, and I can appreciate the humor. I especially like the one about the ……………uh where was I? Oh bacon and eggs, or was that toast and whipped cream? heehee :-))
    How I love Fellowship of the Minds!

  4. starting out the morning with a really good laugh! thanks- LOL!!

  5. Thanks Steve, I love the toast w/whipped cream one too…
    As a caretakers of someone with Alzheimer’s Disease, I take no offense, sometimes if we don’t laugh, we would cry.
    As I’ve aged, I find myself pausing in the middle of a sentence, looking for my next word, a most aggravating ______, oh well fill in the blank yourself…

  6. I just read these jokes to my husband. We both laughed so hard, we cried. 😀

  7. These are hilarious!

  8. A few weeks ago I saw an old man with a cell phone that, honest to God, each end was labeled “ear” and “mouth.” He was apparently driving himself around, and I thought why the hell is somebody who can’t even hold a cell phone out and about on his own?! I sent a text message about this to my little sisters who still live at home (they are early teens, I am late 20s) and they couldn’t believe I was serious!


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