A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard.
He called the police.
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him because the mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with.
But the preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me anyway? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response.
He was led to say, “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!”
An apprentice carpenter is building a house, so he asks his cousin for some help.
The carpenter is watching his cousin put up siding and notices that he keeps throwing nails away: the cousin would pound two nails then throw away a few, pound a couple more, then throw away a few more.
The carpenter says “Hey, cousin, why are ya throwin’ my nails away?”
Cousin: “Cause they’re pointing the wrong way.”
Carpenter: “No cousin, those are for the other side of the house.”
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death.
The leader of the discussion said, “We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.” Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment.
Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?”
One gentleman said, “I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.” “Very good,” said the group leader, and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.” “That’s wonderful!” the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, “I would go to my mother-in-law’s house for the four weeks.”
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader asked, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?”
Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, “Because, that would be the longest 4 weeks of my life!”
H/t FOTM’s pnordman