Things you'll never hear Southern boys say

A redneck map of the USA

Things You’ll Never Hear Southern Boys Say

  1. Pass me the tofu.
  2. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
  3. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
  4. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
  5. Duct tape won’t fix that.
  6. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken
  7. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
  8. You can’t feed that to the dog.
  9. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
  10. Wrestling is fake.
  11. We’re vegetarians.
  12. Do you think my gut is too big?
  13. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy..
  14. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
  15. Who gives a darn who won the Civil War?
  16. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  17. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  18. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart.
  19. Trim the fat off that steak.
  20. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
  21. The tires on that truck are too big.
  22. I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.
  23. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
  24. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
  25. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
  26. Checkmate
  27. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
  28. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
  29. I don’t have a favorite college team.
  30. You Guys.
  31. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
    AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY, EVER:
    1. I’m driving a whole busload of us down to re-elect OBAMA.
    Hey, I like tofu!!! LOL
    Three cheers for our Southern boys!
    ~Eowyn
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dan
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dan

…chess can be a lot of fun if you use long-necks for pawns (7)
but ‘crown me’ does sound a bit better 🙂

moxielouise
Guest

Hahaha thanks for the morning laugh but I don’t quite fit in with the KKK…and I do think wrestling’s fake! 🙂

moxielouise
Guest

Santa? He’s not fake! I took my dog to see him just last year!

hrmfc
Guest
hrmfc

I disagree with the KKK alot but I think the rest is very funny.

hrmfc
Guest
hrmfc

Thank you! Don’t tread on me is perfect! Hmmmm. I’ve only been in the “south” a few years but I have a few relatives who were raised here. Sweet tea, guns, deer, dogs, Walmart, and duct tape fit in our conversations just fine. Pepper that with a little faith, family and patriotism and it matches to a T. “bless their hearts!”

Noreen
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Noreen

That flag is hysterical!!! I love California and New York. Oh and the nothing part lololol. My state is covered in the British flag it should follow N.Y. & Ca. I had a Gadsen sticker on my car and someone tore it off?!?! At least they haven’t touched my not so nice Obama sticker:)) Great list, too funny!

Doc's Wife
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Doc's Wife

Very funny, and most of it is true in some areas, says this Dixie girl!

Christine A Hall
Guest

Hey, hey, hey, easy there, big boy! We’re beautiful too! *laughing* At least MY husband thinks so! 😀

TPR
Guest
TPR

Hysterical map! Great job. Color-coded to match the states’ namesakes, lol. Love the pink “gays” states, the green $$ “whores & casinos,” lol, tan “rattlesnakes & sand,” cracking me up. “Cheese” shoulda been yellow with holes, though, eh? 😀 And I see you have us living in the dark-brown “Cuban state,” lol. Well, in that case, “Havana Rules!” (a Spicy Cuban Instrumental): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRZuAHoRqu8 Re: #24. “No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.” LOL, that’s for sure. How about eight kids in the back of the truck, in the days when there were no laws against… Read more »

josephbc69
Guest

No idea how I missed this, but I found it tonight, so I went down the comments boosting all of you. Of course I’ll now send it to all my Southern friends right after I post this; maybe they’ll get fired up enough to send a comment!

CalGirl
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CalGirl

TPR….. 🙂 Loved it! (Mom retired to central “Brown Area”, in beloved locale we visited every winter as an extended family from northerly state….so ……fond memories….much thanks for the art/music… another world there, is it not?) Is it “Cuban” or is it just an unruly part of the USA within a huge population base (as opposed to, say, Utah) that the Dems have not figured out how to dupe/subjugate/steal/hoodwink entirely yet?

Adam
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Adam

This southerner had trouble figuring out what #11 was even saying.