The Three Bears – What Really Happened

You grew up hearing/reading that fairy tale about Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Don’t believe everything you read. Here’s the real story!
H/t our Miss May  😉

Illustration by Arthur Rackam

The Three Bears

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning….
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?!?” he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, “For God’s sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
“It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat’s litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
“And now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I’m only going to say this once….

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8 years ago

Like this version lol!

Clifton Lee West
Clifton Lee West
8 years ago

We have come a long way, haven’t we? When I was little, the bears didn’t swear. For that matter, only crude, uneducated people constantly swore in those days. Whether this is an improvement on not is still out with the jury, but I am safe, because I know all of the swear words already so I can flip either way. If nothing else, you better be quick on your feet these days.

8 years ago

Funny, as I heard something similar go on in our house when I was a kid.
Many times.