It’s no secret to FOTM readers that I’m a huge fan of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings (LOTR) and Sir Peter Jackson’s movie trilogy.
While my favorite character in the books is the humble and loyal Samwise Gamgee, in the movies the Elven prince Legolas is a close second because of actor Orlando Bloom’s portrayal — ethereal, unruffled, not a (long flaxen) hair out of place even in the midst of battle, with preternatural athletic prowess. Witness this breathtaking scene of Logolas taking a flying leap onto a horse, from the second LOTR movie: The Two Towers.
In fact, it was Legolas that catapulted the then-unknown Bloom to instant stardom, which secured Bloom his roles in the execrable Pirates of the Caribbean and other movies.
But I’ll no longer be able to watch the LOTR trilogy without the disgusting image of Bloom’s penis spoiling all of Legolas’ scenes.
Orlando Bloom, 39, and his current girlfriend, pop singer Katy Perry, were on vacation this week in Sardinia, Italy, and for some reason, he decided to paddle-board stark naked.
New York Daily Post broke the story and published pics of Bloom, but with a discreet black bar superimposed over his crotch.
Reportedly, Bloom is mortified, angry and frustrated by the uncensored pics. But he has no one but himself to blame, as no one put a gun to his head to sport around naked in public.
He also has crappy tastes in women:
- Impregnating before marrying, then divorcing, the narcissistic Australian “supermodel” Miranda Kerr.
- Briefly dating the slutty-looking Selena Gomez. See her leering like a gargoyle in the Verizon commercial below, looking like a transvestite with a lot of mileage and much older than her 24 years.
- And now consorting with avowed satanist Katy Perry.
Many of Perry’s biggest hit songs have to do with lesbianism, bestiality, the Illuminati, and selling one’s soul to the Devil — which she admitted on video: