Tag Archives: Shopping

50 Things We Don't Do Any More.

January 28, 2013 by 

50 Things We Don’t Do Anymore Due to Technology

A study conducted by Mozy last year found that technology is replacing many of the tasks that have been mainstays in our lives for years. When you consider the telecom industry, for example, when was the last time you looked something up in a phone book? Or used a phone book? Sure, they have 50 listings for party clowns for your 8-year-old’s birthday party, but isn’t it just faster to search online? Have you or your children ever called to hear “At the sound of the tone, the time will be 4:13 PM”? Technology is making life easier, faster, more accurate, and more personal. Take a stroll down memory lane with us and review 50 of the things we don’t do (or maybe have never done) thanks to technology.

50-Things-Technology-Has-Taken-Over-4 (1)

Try link if pic’s are not clear enough.
~Steve~
https://mozy.com/blog/infographics/50-things-we-dont-do-anymore-due-to-technology/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=Newsletter-Home201302&utm_campaign=Newsletters-Home&ref=36b792db

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For The Last Time The Dog Is Not For Sale.

PLEASE BE ADVISED, IM SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING

QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DOG!

YES, HE MAULED SIX PEOPLE WEARING OBAMA T-SHIRTS,

FOUR PEOPLE WEARING PELOSI T-SHIRTS,

TWO OTHER DEMOCRATS,

NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR CRACK ,

THREE FLAG BURNERS,

AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.

FOR THE LAST TIME… THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !!!

get-attachment

NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT –

HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE “BAD TASTE” OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!

~Steve~                              H/T Miss May

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Black Bra size 38.

A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 bras
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store’s remaining stock of
50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, “…please tell me – What do you do with all these black bras?”
The Chinese guy answers: “I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each.”
…and this is why the Chinese own us!
Business is Business!

~Steve~             H/T   Miss May  

 

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The Christmas Thing

This morning when I checked my email, I found this from my friend, Kelleigh Nelson .   She said “I wrote this tonight…just thinking about everything and having gone riding to see all the decorations.  Tell me if you like it. 

 THE “CHRISTMAS THING”

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV
For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6, KJV, Handel’s Messiah
It’s Christmas, with all the joy and frenzy and shopping, and food, and family gathering, and it’s THE CELEBRATION OF OUR SAVIOUR’S BIRTH! Can you say Hallelujah! I love Christmas…I simply love it!
Baking
DSC01028Most of you know I own a wholesale commercial bakery and I’m very busy this time of year. In September I start baking Christmas cookies to be shipped all over the country. It is the part of my business that I enjoy the most. I love creating the cookies, buying the boxes, ribbon, and ornaments for packing, and sending them to all the folks that look forward to them every year. It’s a labor of love, and I enjoy this part of the Christmas preparations the most. That might sound crazy to some of you, but my great-great grandfather was a restaurateur, confectioner, and amazing baker in Philadelphia, PA. He also owned an ice cream shop along with his three restaurants. G. Byron Morse actually developed the pinafore bread that became the Hoagie bun. So, the baking gene runs in my blood. This, however, is not what Christmas is all about…yet, it too is a part of the joyous celebration and the joy of giving.
Christmas Cards
Christmas cards are special for me. Every year, the local Christian bookstore runs a 60% off sale on Christmas cards the day after Christmas. Since I’ve lived all over the country, we send out over 100 cards every year, and we want them to express the truth of why we celebrate the birth of Messiah. So, I’m there at 7 a.m. the morning after Christmas.
My sweet friends in Florida sent us a beautiful Christmas card this year that I want to share with you. Like the cards I choose, this one relays the essence of Christmas…it was the Christ child, born for us, to die on a cross for our sins, so we could approach the throne of God with the blood of Jesus having washed away our sins, gone, not just covered over, but gone. This card was so lovely in its message, I simply had to share it. So here it is:

JUST A LITTLE DONKEY

Just a Little Donkey

I hope the sentiment in this card touches your heart as it touched mine. It is the story of the King of Glory who humbled Himself to come to earth as a baby, to die on the Cross for all of us. The cards are special greetings to those we know and love who are brothers and sisters in the faith, and they are a part of Christmas, but not the full essence, just a part of the whole celebration of the King’s birth.
Decorations
There are not many places in America bereft of Christmas decorations, except perhaps Dearborn, Michigan. Many of the yards and windows of homes are adorned with lights and wreaths put up around Thanksgiving. Holley Gerth wrote about the wonderful Christmas Wreath:
Christmas-wreath
“The Christmas wreath is more than just a decoration…it’s a special reminder of Jesus, the reason for our celebration. The circle of a Christmas wreath is a never-ending ring, a reminder of eternal love from our Lord and King. The Christmas wreath is a sign of welcome, inviting all to enter in…a reminder of Christ’s invitation for all to come to Him. The middle of a Christmas wreath is a bare and empty space, a reminder of what life would be without Christ’s love and grace. So each time you see a Christmas wreath hanging from a door, may your heart rejoice in the One that Christmas is truly for!”
When I was a child, my mother and I would get on the train and go into Chicago to see the decorated store windows on State Street; Marshall Fields, Wieboldts, Carson, Pirie, Scott and Company, Goldblatts, and so many more. In the 1950s, there were amazing crèche displays in the store windows…and of course Santa and the reindeer. The crowds were enormous. Decorations were everywhere.
When I see all the homes alight with decorations, I think of them as candles on the Saviour’s birthday cake. This is another part of the celebration of Messiah’s birth, and it speaks to believers and non-believers…”We have lighted up our homes to celebrate the birth of the Saviour of the World.”
Shopping
Then there’s the shopping. Since I have owned my bakery for 23 years, my shopping has to be finished before Thanksgiving and ready to ship to out-of-town family the Monday after Thanksgiving. I really don’t like to shop during December, especially on the weekends, and I don’t do Black Fridays…not ever. Having said that, the joy of the celebration is in the majority of stores. The time goes quickly for employees when it’s busy and they all seem to be smiling and happy and saying, Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas. Of course I prefer Merry Christmas, but Happy Holidays is from the original, Happy Holy Days. So, when I’m wished “Happy Holidays,” I always answer them with, “Merry Christmas to you and Happy Holy Days!” This is the south and we’re in the buckle of the Bible Belt, so everyone smiles! Shopping is the part of Christmas where we buy gifts to give to our family, friends, and those less fortunate, to share the love of the Christ child whose birth we celebrate.
One of my wonderful Christian cyber buds sent me a short email of vast import. When you’re out doing the hectic last minute shopping thing, remember this story,

“Who Started This Christmas Stuff?”

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable; and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many feel during the holiday season time of the year – overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, making sure we don’t forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened, and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed, she couldn’t take it anymore and she stated, “Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot.”

From the back of the car, everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, “Don’t worry, we already crucified Him.”

For the rest of the trip down in the elevator, it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

This year, don’t forget to keep “the One who started this whole Christmas thing” in your every thought, deed and words. If we all did it, just think of how different this whole world would be.

It’s not simply the baking and cooking, it’s not the cards, or the decorations, it’s not the shopping, or the family gatherings, it’s all of these things! It’s because this is the month of the birthday celebration of the King of Glory, the Messiah.
Ahh, yes, the “Christmas thing.” The “Christmas thing” is Christ. The “Christmas thing” is the Saviour of the world, the “Christmas thing” is that He came and died for all of us, the “Christmas thing” is the joy in knowing that we have everlasting life because the perfect, sinless, creator of the world shed His blood for us, the “Christmas thing” is that God loves us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us. The “Christmas thing” is that we are to celebrate His birth with joy, love, peace, kindness and gentleness. And we’re to share our reason for that joy!
So for the month of December…you might want to answer those who say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas with a resounding, “Happy Birthday Jesus!” That’s the “Christmas thing!”     
published by permission of the author, Kelleigh Nelson

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Leroy and The Gator


 
A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, ‘Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.’
‘No, that’s okay. I don’t want It,’ said Leroy.
The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?’
No thanks, I don’t want it,’ answered Leroy.
The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?’
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well, Leroy, then what do you want?’
Leroy said, ‘I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!’
~   Steve  ~                                H/T  Grouchy

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What's a 710?


A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, ‘What is a seven-hundred- ten?’
She replied, ‘You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..’
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked, ‘Is there a 710 on this car?’.
She pointed and said, ‘Of course, its right there.’ The mechanic fainted.
If you’re not sure what a 710 is
Scroll down

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~Steve~                                             H/T  Grouchy

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Sister Mary Ann's Gasoline.


Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when
she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,
“If it starts, I’m turning Catholic!!”
~Steve~                              H/T  Joseph

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The Girl at the Beach

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, ‘Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?’
He hadn’t and said so.
Then she said, ‘Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.’
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave…
The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
‘Well, is she selling drugs?’ she asked excitedly.
‘No, she’s not,’ he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
‘Well, what is it then? What does she do?’ his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, ‘She’s a battery salesperson.’
‘Batteries?’ cried the wife.
‘Yes!’ he replied.
PLEASE SCROLL DOWN



OOOOH! You’re gonna dislike me for this – but it will make your day!




‘She Sells C Cells down by the Seashore!’
~Steve~                               H/T  Grouchy

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I've been wondering and ….

  1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
  2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
  3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
  5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  6. Why does “slow down” and ” slow up” mean the same thing?
  7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
  8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
  9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
  10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
  11. Why is it called “after dark” when it is really “after light”?
  12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
  13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
  14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
  15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
  16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
  17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
  21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
  22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
  23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
  25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
  27. Christmas – What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
  28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
    I dunno , why do we?
    ~Steve~                                    H/T    Grouchy
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Golf Joke

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golfballs
and sat down next to a beautiful–you guessed it–blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?
~Steve~      H/T  LTG friend Charlotte.

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