Tag Archives: Relationships

Monday morning quickies

A devastated-looking man knocks on the door of a woman known for her
charity.
“Please, ma’am,” he says when she opens up, “can you help this poor,
tragic family down the block? The father just lost his job, and his wife is too ill to work. They’re about to be turned out into the cold
streets unless someone can pay their rent.”
“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” says the woman.
“May I ask who you are sir?”
“Their landlord.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face
or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of
humour!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
Husband: “Nothing.”
Wife: ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an
hour.’
Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Steve~                             H/T  Joseph

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Ain't Love Grand

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs
she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the
therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to
stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband
watched – with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your
wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”
“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on
Fridays, I fish.”
~Steve~             H/T   Joseph
 

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"Just this Day"

J U S T   T H I S   D A Y , , ,

Just this day, I will awaken with a smile on my face,
And a Spring in my Step
Just this day, I will greet all I meet
With Love in my Soul, A Song in my Heart
Just this day, I will see beyond anger
To The Cry for Help
Just This Day, I will live in the moment
And forget the conditioning of the past
Just this Day, I will Listen to the Voice of God
In ALL the world that surrounds me
JUST THIS DAY,,,    JUST THIS DAY
Just this day, I will Laugh in joy
At the Silliness of a Child,
Just this day, I will remember
I am a Child, Myself
Just this Day, I will Thank God for the Pressure
That surrounds me, that I am able to know and to stand
Just this day, I will take a deep breath,
And go on, knowing that there are those who cannot
Just this day, I will take the extra step, the extra moment
To help another find the satisfaction of their need
JUST THIS DAY,,,   JUST THIS DAY
Just this day, I will see the Beauty in another,
And go as deep as I feel I need go
Just this day, I will know that I need go no further
Than my own self
Just this day, I will respond to adversity
With Laughter, and Love,,,
Just this day, Will I leave anger and hatred aside
And live the Love Within me
Just this day, I will LISTEN to the Voice of Love
Within me, and do the Beauty It bids me do
JUST THIS DAY,,,   JUST THIS DAY
Just this day, I will Learn something New
And carry the knowledge on to tomorrow
Just this day, I will reflect upon the Lessons I learned
And carry them through to Tomorrow,,,
Just this day, I will tell someone, I LOVE YOU
Just to see the smile in their eyes
Just this day, I will kiss away the tears of pain
From a child, of any age,,,
Just This Day, I will Praise My God for all the Lessons
He has Taught me
JUST THIS DAY,,,   JUST THIS DAY
Just This Day, I will Stop my scurrying
And tell someone, Thank You, for just being YOU
Just This Day, I will Shock the socks off someone
With a random act of senseless kindness
Just This day, I will use the Traffic slow-down as
An excuse to pause, and relax –  Dinner will wait
Just this day, I will realize it really wasn’t
So very hard after all, , ,
And Tomorrow, I will awaken as I did
JUST THIS DAY, , ,    JUST THIS DAY
©The BridgeWalker
©21 October 1997
© Renewed12/26/2005

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Guess Who's Back? Little Johnny..

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies “In Susie’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Susie.”
Again, Johnny instantly replies, “Our allowance – Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine.”
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.”
Groannnnnn   ~ Steve~

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Halloween Day Chuckle

 
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, ‘I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!’
IMPOSSIBLE !’ said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt
! !! !!
 

This way.


 
‘WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!’

Oh for goodness sake… Laugh, or at least groan.
Life’s too short not to enjoy…
Sounds to me like she’s been sweeping around!!!
~Steve~        H/T  Joseph
 
 
 



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Tuesday Morning Chuckle.


An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal. The doctor says, ” Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?” Gary replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof the light goes on. When I’m done, poof the light goes off.” “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gary ‘s wife. “Marianne, he says, Gary is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof * the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, *poof the light goes off?” “OH MY!” Marianne exclaims.!!!!” “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”

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