Tag Archives: political humor

Friday funnies!

DCG

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Klavan on the Culture: Night of the Living Government

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUwTyycRoCQ]
~LTG

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He Tried to Warn Us 120 Years Ago

Below are three pictures of an 1890 gravestone in a cemetery in Attica, Kansas. All three are of the same gravestone.
Scroll down through the three pictures. The last one is amazing. 



. . . and this guy died over a hundred years ago!
A big h/t to beloved fellow f (formerly fs)  😉
~Eowyn

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National Weather Service Alert

It’s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.  He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’
‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’ 
‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’
‘Absolutely,’ the man replied.  ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.’
Remember this whenever you get advice from a government official!
H/t beloved fellow May!
~Eowyn

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Marvin and Leroy


Marvin and Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Mississippi Daily News, and bought a mule for $100.
The seller agreed to deliver it the next morning, but when he drove up he said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”
Marvin and Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”
The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”
Leroy said, “We gonna raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”
Marvin said, “We shor can!  Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Marvin and Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked, “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”
They said,”We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”
Leroy said,”Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.”
The farmer said,”Gol dern, didn’t anyone complain?”
Marvin said, “Well, the feller who won got upset.  So we gave him his two dollars back.”
Marvin and Leroy now work for the government in Washington overseeing the Deficit Reduction Program.
Limit all U.S. politicians to two terms:

  • One in office
  • One in prison

Illinois already does this.
H/t beloved fellow FS!  😉
~Eowyn

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Happy Thanksgiving From Your Friendly TSA!

Design by the brilliant political artist BKeyser


Meanwhile, those full-body porn scanners may be coming to trains, boats, and the metro. From The Hill, November 23, 2010,

The next step in tightened security could be on U.S. public transportation, trains and boats. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says terrorists will continue to look for U.S. vulnerabilities, making tighter security standards necessary. “[Terrorists] are going to continue to probe the system and try to find a way through,” Napolitano said in an interview that aired Monday night on “Charlie Rose.” “I think the tighter we get on aviation, we have to also be thinking now about going on to mass transit or to trains or maritime. So, what do we need to be doing to strengthen our protections there?”

And inquiring minds are asking if TSA agents are spreading germs and infection by wearing the same latex gloves that they had used to touch the armpits, crotches and genitalia of airport passengers they pat down, including passengers who are sick. From WorldNetDaily, November 22, 2010: 

…the agents wear the same gloves to pat down dozens, perhaps hundreds, of passengers, not changing them even though the Centers for Disease Control in its online writings has emphasized the important of clean hands to prevent the exchange of loathsome afflictions.

H/t beloved fellows DCG and Anon.
~Eowyn

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Cannibal Lunch Menu

Our beloved fellow, intrepid reporter May, bravely went where no sane woman had ever gone before — into the heart of a cannibal-infested jungle. Here’s her report!
~Eowyn

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. 
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu….

1. Broiled Tourist:                                                                                 $  5.00

2. Steamed Missionary:                                                                       $ 10.00

3. Baked Explorer:                                                                                $ 15.00

4. Deepfried Democrat or Grilled Republican:                             $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why  such a price difference for the politicians?” 
 
The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of sh*t, it takes all morning.”

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The Barber Shop

George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
 
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”
    
The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir ?”
Bush replied, “Go ahead. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like!”

H/t May!



H/t beloved fellow Igor  😉
~Eowyn

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Beauty, Strong Man, and Liar

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman In the world.”
“I am entering!” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?”
“First Place!,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and see another sign: “Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”
“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see yet another sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. 
“What happened?,” Snow White and Superman ask.
Pinocchio, crestfallen, asks: “Who the hell is Obama?”

H/t beloved fellow Joseph Fasciani!
~Eowyn

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Best Politically Incorrect Joke of the Year

A young Arab asks his father:
“What is this weird hat that we are wearing?”
“Why, it’s a chechia because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!”

“And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”
“It’s a djbellah because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!”
“And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?”
“These are babouches, which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!”

“Tell me, Abba?”
“Yes, my son?”
“Why are we living in Dearborn, Michigan and still wearing all this sh*t?”
H/t beloved fellow May!
~Eowyn

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