Tag Archives: Lord

Parlez Vous Assbakistani? (Story 8)

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Two of three murderers – watch for these faces

Unwilling to allow the Kardashians to define the news cycle, Omar and friends decided to make their own story

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Six of the twelve victims

“The magazine’s name refers to Charlie Brown from the popular cartoon ‘Peanuts.’ Hebdo refers to the French word for weekly newspaper, hebdomadaire.”
– from ABC News: “Charlie Hebdo: A Profile of the Satirical French Newspaper

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How long, Sovereign Lord?

They called out in a loud voice, “How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?”
– Revelation 6:10


And He said to them, “When I sent you out without money belt and bag and sandals, you did not lack anything, did you?” They said, “No, nothing.” And He said to them, “But now, whoever has a money belt is to take it along, likewise also a bag, and whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one.”
– Luke 22:36

Firearm and Handgun Manufacturers

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“Germans who wish to use firearms should join the SS or the SA – ordinary citizens don’t need guns, as their having guns doesn’t serve the State.”
– Heinrich Himmler
“Firearms stand next in importance to the constitution itself. They are the American people’s liberty teeth and the keystone under independence. The rifle and pistol are equally indispensable. The very atmosphere of firearms anywhere and everywhere restrains evil interference – they deserve a place of honor with all that is good.”
– George Washington
“A free people ought to be armed.”
– George Washington
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.”
– Thomas Jefferson
“I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.”
– Thomas Jefferson
“The laws that forbid the carrying of arms are laws of such a nature. They disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes…. Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.”
– Thomas Jefferson (quoting 18th century criminologist Cesare Beccaria)


AND THAT’S THE NEWS FROM ASSBAKISTAN

…where all the women wear trash bags, all the goats are good looking, and all the children are more murderous than average.


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The Sunday Funny Papers.

AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR

bear gifAn atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!”, he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. 

At that moment, the Atheist cried out “Oh my God!….” Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. 

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don””t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?” 

The atheist looked directly into the light “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice. 

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. 

And then the bear dropped his right paw ….. brought both paws together…bowed his head and spoke: “Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”

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~Steve~                       H/T          https://www.jokes.com

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I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.

The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?”

The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back.

He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, & asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus, over there?”

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about getting me a cold glass of wine?” He too looked across the restaurant and asked, “Isn’t that God‘s boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of wine. “On my bill,” he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me … I’m collecting disability!”

~Steve~   H/T  May


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