Tag Archives: Little Johnny

Little Johnny's Back. Uh Oh!!

little-johnny5

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very
excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then
give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30″
she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the
customer’s civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious
success.”
“Very good”, said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45
and I explained to everyone that magazineswould keep them up on
current events.”
“Very good, Debbie”, said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her
breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and
dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he
said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes”, said Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes?”, echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town”, said Little Johnny, “I set
up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free
sample.” They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like
dog poop!” Then I would say, “It is dog poop. Wanna buy a
toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some
crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, and
then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.

~Steve~       H/T   Miss May

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Little Johnny's Back

 
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A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny .
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”
The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?” 
Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”
The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican. 
Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”
~Steve~                          H/T       Siegfried
 

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Little Johnny's Christmas list. I'm already sorry. LOL

2776[1]
Little Johnny’s Ransom
Little Johnny desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas. His friends were writing letters to Santa Claus, so Johnny decided to do them one better.
“Dear Jesus,” he wrote, “If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will not fight with my brother Hank for a year.” Then Johnny thought, ‘Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise.’ So Johnny threw away the letter and wrote another one.
“Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year.” Then Johnny thought, ‘Oh, no, that means spinach and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.’
Then Johnny had an idea. He threw away the paper and went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers then stuffed the newspapers into a grocery bag.
He took the package upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the whole works in the farthest, darkest corner. Then he closed the closet door tightly, took a new sheet of paper and wrote: “Dear Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again…”
~Steve~

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Guess Who's Back? Little Johnny..

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies “In Susie’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Susie.”
Again, Johnny instantly replies, “Our allowance – Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine.”
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.”
Groannnnnn   ~ Steve~

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It's Little Johnny time.. Uh Oh!!

Not sure, but I think bottom row on left is Johnny


 
Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny’s daddy thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”
So he calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, “Hi, my name is Johnny.”
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, “I bet you ten dollars you’ve got a mole on your butt.”
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, “Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost.”
The teacher says, “Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”
Johnny’s dad laughs and says, “No you didn’t, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he’d see your butt before the day was over.”
~Steve~

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It's time for Little Johnny. Uh Oh.

 

Nothing to do with Johnny. I just love this. LOL


 
Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies “In Susie’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Susie.”
Again, Johnny instantly replies, “Our allowance – Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine.”
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.”
~Steve~

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Little Johnny Comes Through Again

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny a bright Navajo Indian boy, who had his hand up: ‘Patrick Henry, 1775′ he said.
‘Very good!’
Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?’
Again, no response except from Little Johnny, ‘Abraham Lincoln, 1863′.
The teacher snapped at the class, ‘Class, you should be ashamed, Little Johnny knows more about history than you do.’
She heard a loud whisper: ‘Screw the Indians,’
‘Who said that?’ she demanded.
Little Johnny put his hand up, ‘General Custer, 1862.
At that point, a student in the back said, ‘I’m gonna puke.’
The teacher glares around and asks, ‘All right!! Now who said that!?’
Again, Little Johnny says, ‘George Bush, to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.’
Now furious, another student yells, ‘Oh yeah? Suck this!’
Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, ‘Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said ‘You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.’
Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice, ‘Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.’
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, ‘Oh shit, We’re screwed!’
Little Johnny said quietly, “The American people, November 4, 2008.”

~Steve~         H/T     Joseph

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