Covid 19 Best Practices
If you’re like me, you’ve been waiting for someone, ANYONE, who can clear up just what needs to be done.
https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/02/09/dementia-quiz/ Sat, 09 Feb 2013 12:00:08 +0000 eowyn2
You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. what position are you in?
If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are in second place!
Try to do better next time. 😉
Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?
If you overtake the last person, then you are….?
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me sunshine: How can you overtake the last person?
You’re not very good at this, are you?
Very tricky Arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What is the total?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it? 😀
Maybe you’ll get the last question right. Maybe….
Mary’s father has five daughters:
1. Nana; 2. Nene; 3. Nini; 4. Nono; and ????
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
No! Of course it isn’t!
The 5th daughter’s name is Mary! Read the question again!
This is your last chance to redeem yourself.
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and makes his purchase.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses. How does he indicate what he wants?
He opens his mouth and asks for it!
So how did you do? LOL
H/t my sis-in-law Shireen.
Just thought I would throw in a little fall public service reminder for our camel-flea infested dune monkey friends:
Never let it be said that I am not diversified in my civic mindedness.
While reading DCG’s recent post https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2015/03/28/hey-guys-your-handy-guide-to-dating-a-feminist/ a revelation occurred to me: feminism is a conspiracy. A conspiracy created by big pharma in order to sell millions of dollars worth of Viagra!
Outlandish, you say. Not at all! Have you ever been to a feminist rally or seen pictures of feminists? What’s the first thing you notice? If you’re a male, like me, I know what your answer is: My gosh, they’re all UGLY! Can you see the conspiracy now???
By dismissing beauty, femininity, and girlish charm, feminism promotes ugliness. It turns beautiful, free-spirited girls into manly, dogma-spouting zombies. It brainwashes them, destroys their individuality, and casts them adrift in the sea of sameness; they become corks bobbing in the ocean of political correctness. (And ugly corks at that.) Talk about useful idiots! (https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/12/29/are-you-a-useful-idiot/)
Now do you see the conspiracy??? Confronted by all this ugliness, men can no longer get it up! Who wants to get intimate with a brainwashed shrew? Who wants to make love with someone who looks like their brother Hank? One look at these “feminists” and any normal man goes completely limp! Then Viagra sales go through the roof!
Why it’s downright brilliant! They take young, red-blooded American males, send them off to college where they’re surrounded by dimwitted, Marxist-quoting, butched-out females, and for the rest of his life, the poor guy needs medication to get a rise!
It’s genius, I tell you! Genius! And look at the ancillary sales in liquor and mind-altering drugs! A guy would have to get stone-faced drunk in order to find feminist women attractive. No wonder frat parties serve so much booze!
Can you imagine being married to a feminist??? The horror, the horror! There’s no surprise why the divorce rate is so high now, is there?
Forget about preaching abstinence to youngsters. Send some of these feminazis around to the high schools. Teen sex will disappear faster than you can say Hilary Clinton.
Kinda explains why lesbianism is on the rise, too. When the feminists discover that no man wants to touch them, they turn to the only available source of intimacy: other feminists!
All those false rape accusations we keep hearing about from the universities? It’s their wounded pride, don’t you see? Their egos can’t take the rejection, so they make up stories!
I’d like to keep writing, but I don’t have time. Gotta call my stock broker and load up on shares from companies selling Viagra. I figure I’ll be a millionaire in no time.
To those who claim to be “offended”, the following is intended for satirical purposes only.
Springtime is award season time, so join us by voting in Fellowship of the Minds’s First Annual Psy-Op Awards! Celebrating the False, the Fraudulent, and the downright F***ed Up!
Best/Worst Performance by a Crisis Actor at a staged event!
The nominees are:
1) Robbie Parker at Sandy Hook
2) Cowboy Man at the Boston Marathon
3) Gene Rosen at Sandy Hook
4) Jeff Bauman at the Boston Marathon
5) Woman in red at the Boston Marathon
6) Black lady on a stretcher at the Boston Marathon
Best/Worst Performance by a Hypocrite Celebrity!
The nominees are:
1) Liam Neeson on guns
2) Leonardo Di Caprio on global warming
3) Matt Damon on both guns and global warming
4) Gwyneth Paltrow every time she opens her mouth
Best/Worst Television Show made by Useful Idiots for Useful Idiots! (Someone has to indoctrinate the masses!)
The nominees are:
1) Modern Family
2) Two and a Half Men
4) Any show with a Kardashian in it
5) Any show made by Disney
Best/Worst Performance by a He pretending to be a She! (Though they labor long and hard to suppress it, inside every tranny lies the truth, just waiting to burst forth!)
The nominees are:
1) Bradley Manning
2) Michael Obama
Best/Worst Performance by a lesbian, Muslim-Brotherhood spy!
The nominees are:
1) Huma Abedin
Best/Worst Performance by a celebrity appearing to be satanically possessed!
The nominees are:
1) Beyonce at the Super Bowl
Best/Worst Creation of an entity that’s entirely fake!
The nominees are:
1) Adam Lanza
2) Beyonce’s pregnancy
3) aka Obama’s birth certificate
You just might be a Democrat if…
You support a boycott of Israel, but can’t find it on a map.
You’re an A-list movie star who takes time off promoting your new shoot-em-up action movie to speak out for more gun control.
You’ve never been audited by the IRS.
You’re a frequent traveler who has visited 57 states.
You think the rainstorm that ruined your car wash was Bush’s fault.
You call Republicans racists while sending your own kids to private school.
You think Lois Lerner is that gal who pals around with Superman.
You look like Obama when you throw a baseball.
You like the way Obama looks when he throws a baseball.
You hate all Christians, but just love the new Pope.
Your husband wears a dress and you think he’s hot.
Your son wears a dress and you think he’s hot.
You won’t wear a dress, because you’re a feminist. And you’re not hot.
The reason you’re a feminist is Bush’s fault.
You watch ten hours a day of reality television and think conservatives are misinformed.
You think you know what’s best for America, but you don’t know who Joe Biden is.
Your most prized possession is your EBT card.
You mouth off to the person behind you in line at the grocery store when they gave you a second look for buying steak, lobster, and wine with your EBT card.
You’re a white-skinned, blue-eyed politician who claims to be Native American.
Your idea of class and sophistication is Michelle Obama with a runny nose.
Your idea of a positive role model for your daughter is Kim Kardashian.
You buy gossip magazines at the checkout counter (with your EBT card) and wish you were Kim Kardashian.
You’re an artist who survives on government grants.
You think the Second Amendment is meant for hunters.
You’re a Hollywood actor who makes good money making bad movies.
You’re a teacher who hates kids.
You hate kids, period.
You’re a teacher, period.
You think it’s your right as an American to have food stamps, free health care, and live in your parents’ basement.
You actually like living in your parents’ basement.
You have a picture of Che Guevara hanging in your parents’ basement.
You’re living in your parents’ basement, because it’s Bush’s fault.
Your parents pay for your car, your insurance, and all your living expenses, but to you they’re capitalist pigs.
You think your parents, who pay your $20,000 a year college tuition, the rent for your off-campus apartment, and all your living expenses, don’t know anything about life, but your angry college professor, who hates America and has never held a job in the private sector, is a genius.
You’re furious that George Bush might have lied about WMDs, but you believe every word that comes from Obama’s teleprompter.
You just lost your health insurance and you think it’s Bush’s fault.
You go ga-ga over the man who calls himself Obama, but couldn’t care less about Americans deserted at Benghazi.
You think anyone who disagrees with you is a racist.
You say you’re not a racist, but you support affirmative action and hiring quotas based on skin color.
You speak passionately about equality and the redistribution of wealth, but you won’t share your bag of Planters Peanuts with your cell mate.
You hate Sarah Palin because she’s everything you’re not.
You live in Chicago and you’re well known at every voting precinct in the city, especially on Election Day.
You’ve been dead for twenty years, but you voted for Obama forty-seven times.
And it’s all Bush’s fault.
For more, see the original post:
A Christmas Tradition
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not very many people know this.
~Steve~ H/T I_Man
A recent article in the Washington Post reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued a California hospital, saying that after
her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: “Mr. Pelosi was admitted for
cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!”
Jim Murphy applied for a job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.
A Pole applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to Murphy and said, “Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the Pole the job.”
Murphy asked, “And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.”
Manager: “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.”
Murphy, “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?”
Manager: “Simple. On question number 7 the Pole wrote down, ‘I don’t know.’
You put down, ‘Neither do I’.”
~Steve~ H/T I_Man
For those that don’t know The History of the World, here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can had yet been invented, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for that to happen, they just stayed close to the brewery. This is how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetching, hair dressing, and bitching. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, low-salt diets, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Both tend to cower and whimper at the mere mention of a firearm, and will generally wet their pants at the sight of one.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals, just to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
As for me, I’m going to have another beer
~Steve~ Big H/T Joseph