Tag Archives: Humor

Chris Rock on SNL last night: “My heart goes out to COVID”

Chris Rock hosted the 47th season premiere of SNL last night (does anyone even watch this show any more?) and started his monologue with a dig at President Trump and his diagnosis with the Wuhan virus:

Meh. Not that funny. Chris could have said something along the lines of this:

“President Trump got the Wuhan virus and was going to get revenge and kick the Chicom’s butt. Yet if President Trump was going to kick a commie’s butt, Fat Boy would have fired a rocket up his butt. It was going to be a “Tiny Dancer Rocket Man” fight.”

Lame, I know. I’m not a comedian but you get the idea.

Chris use to be funny. When he was not politcally correct. See the following (NSFW):

Now THAT’S some funny stuff right there.

Seems that today’s TDS-infected “comedians” have lost their art of comedy.

DCG

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Having fun with BLM protestor

Steppenwolf Rocks!

~ TD

Better than Drudge Report. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by ex-military!

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URGENT! Covid 19 Advice

Covid 19 Best Practices

If you’re like me, you’ve been waiting for someone, ANYONE, who can clear up just what needs to be done.

PEACE

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

 

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Dementia Quiz

https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/02/09/dementia-quiz/   Sat, 09 Feb 2013 12:00:08 +0000  eowyn2

FIRST QUESTION:

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. what position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ arrow2Answer:

If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are in second place!

Try to do better next time. 😉

Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

SECOND QUESTION:

If you overtake the last person, then you are….?
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

arrow2 ANSWER:

If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.

Tell me sunshine: How can you overtake the last person?

You’re not very good at this, are you?

THIRD QUESTION:

Very tricky Arithmetic!

Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.

What is the total?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

arrow2
Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!

Today is definitely not your day, is it? 😀

Maybe you’ll get the last question right. Maybe….

FOURTH QUESTION:

Mary’s father has five daughters:

1. Nana; 2. Nene; 3. Nini; 4. Nono; and ????

What is the name of the fifth daughter?
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

arrow2Did you answer Nunu?

No! Of course it isn’t!

The 5th daughter’s name is Mary! Read the question again!

THE BONUS ROUND:

This is your last chance to redeem yourself.

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and makes his purchase.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses. How does he indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

arrow2It’s really very simple.

He opens his mouth and asks for it!

So how did you do? LOL

H/t my sis-in-law Shireen.

~Eowyn

 

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Dave's Good Deed for the Year

Just thought I would throw in a little fall public service reminder for our camel-flea infested dune monkey friends:
original12
Never let it be said that I am not diversified in my civic mindedness.
/s.
-Dave
(h/t: NB’s Earnyourkeep)

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Why Are Feminists All So Damn UGLY?

image While reading DCG’s recent post https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2015/03/28/hey-guys-your-handy-guide-to-dating-a-feminist/ a revelation occurred to me: feminism is a conspiracy. A conspiracy created by big pharma in order to sell millions of dollars worth of Viagra!
Outlandish, you say. Not at all! Have you ever been to a feminist rally or seen pictures of feminists? What’s the first thing you notice? If you’re a male, like me, I know what your answer is: My gosh, they’re all UGLY! Can you see the conspiracy now???
By dismissing beauty, femininity, and girlish charm, feminism promotes ugliness. It turns beautiful, free-spirited girls into manly, dogma-spouting zombies. It brainwashes them, destroys their individuality, and casts them adrift in the sea of sameness; they become corks bobbing in the ocean of political correctness. (And ugly corks at that.) Talk about useful idiots! (https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/12/29/are-you-a-useful-idiot/)
Now do you see the conspiracy??? Confronted by all this ugliness, men can no longer get it up! Who wants to get intimate with a brainwashed shrew? Who wants to make love with someone who looks like their brother Hank? One look at these “feminists” and any normal man goes completely limp! Then Viagra sales go through the roof!
Why it’s downright brilliant! They take young, red-blooded American males, send them off to college where they’re surrounded by dimwitted, Marxist-quoting, butched-out females, and for the rest of his life, the poor guy needs medication to get a rise!
It’s genius, I tell you! Genius! And look at the ancillary sales in liquor and mind-altering drugs! A guy would have to get stone-faced drunk in order to find feminist women attractive. No wonder frat parties serve so much booze!
Can you imagine being married to a feminist??? The horror, the horror! There’s no surprise why the divorce rate is so high now, is there?
Forget about preaching abstinence to youngsters. Send some of these feminazis around to the high schools. Teen sex will disappear faster than you can say Hilary Clinton.
Kinda explains why lesbianism is on the rise, too. When the feminists discover that no man wants to touch them, they turn to the only available source of intimacy: other feminists!
All those false rape accusations we keep hearing about from the universities? It’s their wounded pride, don’t you see? Their egos can’t take the rejection, so they make up stories!
I’d like to keep writing, but I don’t have time. Gotta call my stock broker and load up on shares from companies selling Viagra. I figure I’ll be a millionaire in no time.
https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/11/15/an-open-letter-to-obama-supporters/
https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2014/09/04/feminism-is-communism/
https://www.savethemales.ca/000185.html

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Vote for Your Favorite Crisis Actor in Our First Annual Psy-Op Awards!

To those who claim to be “offended”, the following is intended for satirical purposes only.
Springtime is award season time, so join us by voting in Fellowship of the Minds’s First Annual Psy-Op Awards! Celebrating the False, the Fraudulent, and the downright F***ed Up!
Best/Worst Performance by a Crisis Actor at a staged event!
The nominees are:
1) Robbie Parker at Sandy Hook
2) Cowboy Man at the Boston Marathon
3) Gene Rosen at Sandy Hook
4) Jeff Bauman at the Boston Marathon
5) Woman in red at the Boston Marathon
6) Black lady on a stretcher at the Boston Marathon
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Best/Worst Performance by a Hypocrite Celebrity!
The nominees are:
1) Liam Neeson on guns
2) Leonardo Di Caprio on global warming
3) Matt Damon on both guns and global warming
4) Gwyneth Paltrow every time she opens her mouth
Best/Worst Television Show made by Useful Idiots for Useful Idiots! (Someone has to indoctrinate the masses!)
The nominees are:
1) Modern Family
2) Two and a Half Men
3) Ellen
4) Any show with a Kardashian in it
5) Any show made by Disney
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Best/Worst Performance by a He pretending to be a She! (Though they labor long and hard to suppress it, inside every tranny lies the truth, just waiting to burst forth!)
The nominees are:
1) Bradley Manning
2) Michael Obama
Best/Worst Performance by a lesbian, Muslim-Brotherhood spy!
The nominees are:
1) Huma Abedin
image
Best/Worst Performance by a celebrity appearing to be satanically possessed!
The nominees are:
1) Beyonce at the Super Bowl
image
Best/Worst Creation of an entity that’s entirely fake!
The nominees are:
1) Adam Lanza
2) Beyonce’s pregnancy
3) aka Obama’s birth certificate

Is there a baby in there?

Is there a baby in there?


Best/Worst Performance by a fraud pretending to cry!
The nominees are:
1) Robbie Parker at Sandy Hook
2) Gene Rosen at Sandy Hook
3) aka Obama at the Sandy Hook press conference
Who are you trying to kid?

Who are you trying to kid?


image
Best/Worst Performance by Mindless Sheeple, marching off to their own slaughter!
The nominees are:
1) The circling crowd at Sandy Hook
2) The crowds shouting, “USA! USA!” while armed troops walked the street of Boston.
3) The protesters and rioters in Ferguson, Missouri
4) The American people at every false flag event
Special Lifetime Achievement Award for a career filled with Lies, Fraud, and Deception!
The nominees are:
1) aka Obama
2) Hillary Clinton
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You Might Be a Democrat If… Part 2

image
You just might be a Democrat if…
You support a boycott of Israel, but can’t find it on a map.
You’re an A-list movie star who takes time off promoting your new shoot-em-up action movie to speak out for more gun control.
You’ve never been audited by the IRS.
You’re a frequent traveler who has visited 57 states.
You think the rainstorm that ruined your car wash was Bush’s fault.
You call Republicans racists while sending your own kids to private school.
You think Lois Lerner is that gal who pals around with Superman.
You look like Obama when you throw a baseball.
You like the way Obama looks when he throws a baseball.
You hate all Christians, but just love the new Pope.
Your husband wears a dress and you think he’s hot.
Your son wears a dress and you think he’s hot.
You won’t wear a dress, because you’re a feminist. And you’re not hot.
The reason you’re a feminist is Bush’s fault.
You watch ten hours a day of reality television and think conservatives are misinformed.
You think you know what’s best for America, but you don’t know who Joe Biden is.
Your most prized possession is your EBT card.
You mouth off to the person behind you in line at the grocery store when they gave you a second look for buying steak, lobster, and wine with your EBT card.
You’re a white-skinned, blue-eyed politician who claims to be Native American.
Your idea of class and sophistication is Michelle Obama with a runny nose.
Your idea of a positive role model for your daughter is Kim Kardashian.
You buy gossip magazines at the checkout counter (with your EBT card) and wish you were Kim Kardashian.
You’re an artist who survives on government grants.
You think the Second Amendment is meant for hunters.
You’re a Hollywood actor who makes good money making bad movies.
You’re a teacher who hates kids.
You hate kids, period.
You’re a teacher, period.
You think it’s your right as an American to have food stamps, free health care, and live in your parents’ basement.
You actually like living in your parents’ basement.
You have a picture of Che Guevara hanging in your parents’ basement.
You’re living in your parents’ basement, because it’s Bush’s fault.
Your parents pay for your car, your insurance, and all your living expenses, but to you they’re capitalist pigs.
You think your parents, who pay your $20,000 a year college tuition, the rent for your off-campus apartment, and all your living expenses, don’t know anything about life, but your angry college professor, who hates America and has never held a job in the private sector, is a genius.
You’re furious that George Bush might have lied about WMDs, but you believe every word that comes from Obama’s teleprompter.
You just lost your health insurance and you think it’s Bush’s fault.
image
You go ga-ga over the man who calls himself Obama, but couldn’t care less about Americans deserted at Benghazi.
You think anyone who disagrees with you is a racist.
You say you’re not a racist, but you support affirmative action and hiring quotas based on skin color.
You speak passionately about equality and the redistribution of wealth, but you won’t share your bag of Planters Peanuts with your cell mate.
You hate Sarah Palin because she’s everything you’re not.
You live in Chicago and you’re well known at every voting precinct in the city, especially on Election Day.
You’ve been dead for twenty years, but you voted for Obama forty-seven times.
And it’s all Bush’s fault.
Mike
For more, see the original post:
https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/12/01/you-just-might-be-a-democrat/

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How Some Traditions Were Started

A Christmas Tradition
images
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not very many people know this.
 ~Steve~                                         H/T I_Man
 

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Time for a Laugh

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A recent article in the Washington Post reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued a California hospital, saying that after
her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: “Mr. Pelosi was admitted for
cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!”
image

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