From Daily Mail: Mothers have been taking to social media to reveal what it really feels like to regret having children. Posting anonymously on sites like Facebook, Reddit and Quora, the disgruntled women have made startling confessions describing parenthood as ‘drudgery and monotony’.
Citing reasons from sleep deprivation to financial security – and ‘not liking kids’ – some go as far as confessing they wish their offspring had never been born.
Many have taken to the Facebook page I Regret Having Children in recent months. The group, started in July 2012 by a mother known only as ‘R’, has some 3,200 members and serves as a platform for parents to let off steam without being identified.
One anonymous member told how she was still feeling ‘intense regret’ three months after giving birth to her first child. ‘We had a great relationship before the baby, and I always felt like we could have continued the way we were,’ she said, adding that she had ‘never wanted’ a child but her husband had persuaded her. ‘A few days after having the baby I felt intense regret, and it hasn’t gone away,’ she explained.
‘I just hate my life now, the sleep deprivation, the drudgery, the monotony, and I feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling this way. It’s not my baby’s fault, and he deserves a good mother who wants him. I am needing advice on how to deal with these feelings.’
One 30-year-old father-of-two said he felt he was ‘slipping away from everyone and everything I used to love doing’ as none of his friends were parents. ‘I made the children it’s my job to look after them and i will until the day I die,’ he wrote. ‘But I can’t can’t get the feeling out of my head that my life’s missing… Any men feel the same ?’
A heart-wrenching confession came from the mother to a two-year-old whose lack of sleep had forced her mother to miss work – before suffering a panic attack and a ‘meltdown’ where she threatened to leave her husband. ‘I do not know what to do,’ she admitted. Even when she goes back to sleep, my nerves are so shot that I lie awake and anger consumes my soul.’
The woman added: ‘I hit her yesterday and feel so guilty. I wish I never had her, she takes and takes and we are empty. We have tried letting her cry, sleeping next to her, even put a lock on her room so she would not get out. She still wakes us up.’
One woman told how she had uprooted and moved from Venezuela to the US to be with her now-husband – who was now threatening to divorce her if she didn’t give him ‘at least two kids’. She wrote: ‘I love him so much but I love myself too much to betray my life to give it to a child.’
One of the few men to comment on the page told how he had found himself with two children he never wanted and was in the process of divorcing his wife.
In a brutally honest post, he wrote: ‘I really don’t like kids and I hate having them during my weekends. I have lost my life completely, I cannot find another woman because of my baggage and the child maintenance is crippling me financially.’ He begged fellow parents for ‘coping strategies’.
A mother-of-two told of her ‘big regrets’ after ‘losing her freedom’ when she had children. The former air hostess added: ‘My mum told me not to get married and not to have kids (…) She’s right. I should have listened to her.’
Another mum spoke of the ‘pure horror’ she felt when she realised that she ‘loved this baby so much (she) would not be able to leave it ever’ – an ordeal that led to depression and, eventually, anxiety and panic attacks.
Other parents turned to Reddit for advice, with jerkstore13 making the startling admission that she ‘hadn’t slept past 6 in years’. She added: ‘I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to live in.’
Camelican said that parenting had been ‘relentlessly exhausting’, leading her to believe that she ‘wasn’t ready to stop being selfish’. She wrote: ‘I feel like having a kid closed off a lot of possibilities for me, definitely killed any semblance of spontaneity in my life.’
A mother-of-three said she ‘quite frequently’ wished she had never become a parent at all. She wrote: ‘I don’t stand a chance at doing anything significant with my life other than saying hey i raised 3 more humans. ‘Your welcome. What an accomplishment (sic.).’