Tag Archives: English language

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

 

PARAPROSDOKIANS      

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:  
1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.  
 2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.  
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.  
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?  
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.  
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.  
 7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?  
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?  
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?  
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?    Continue reading

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You Could Have Heard a Pin Drop

This one has been around for awhile; but, a neighbor just emailed it to me and I think it deserves being brought to mind again. ~LTG

At a time when our president and other politicians tend to apologize for our country’s prior actions, here’s a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country.

These stories are good reminders of how proud and thankful we should always be as Americans:

JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60’s when DeGaule decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.


Rusk responded,
Does that include those who are buried here?”

DeGaule did not respond.


You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When in England ,
at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of ’empire building’ by George Bush.

He answered by saying,
“Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.”

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<strong>
There was a conference in France</strong> <strong>where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?"</strong>
<strong>
A Boeing engineer</strong> <strong>stood up and replied quietly: "<span style="color:#ff0000;">Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships</span><span style="color:#ff0000;">;</span></strong><span style="color:#ff0000;"> <strong>how many does France have?"</strong></span>
<strong>
You could have heard a pin drop.</strong> <strong>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A U.S. Navy Admiral
was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, “Why is it thatwe always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?”

Without hesitating,
the American Admiral replied, “Maybe it’s because the Brit’s, Canadians, Aussie’s and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.”

You could have heard a pin drop.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE…


Robert Whiting,
  an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

“You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically.


Mr. Whiting
admitted that he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”


The American said,
“The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

“Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !”


The American senior
gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ”Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchman to show a passport to.”

You could have heard a pin drop.

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Words. They have meaning. And are fun.

Now that has got to leave a bruise.


 
Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?
Do you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards
still spells “race car”?
And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the
first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past
tense “ate”?
And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters
in illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it
spells:
“Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking,
baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other
hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding,
goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.”
How weird is that!
Here are just a few more.
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose your job.
Recovery is when Obama loses his job!
~Steve~                    H/T   Jean

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