Tag Archives: Chevrolet

Merry Christmas. Two Hankie Alert. Sniff Sniff.

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CHRISTMAS AT A GAS STATION

The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn’t been anywhere in years
since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn’t hate Christmas, just couldn’t find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through.
Instead of throwing the man out, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up. “Thank you, but I don’t mean to intrude,” said the stranger.
“I see you’re busy, I’ll just go.”
“Not without something hot in your belly.” George said.
He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. “It ain’t much, but it’s hot and tasty.  Stew … Made it myself. When you’re done, there’s coffee and it’s fresh.”
Just at that moment he heard the “ding” of the driveway bell. “Excuse me, be right back,” George said. There in the driveway was an old  ’73 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front.. The driver was panicked. “Mister can you help me!” said the driver, with a deep Spanish accent. “My wife is with child and my car is broken.” George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold, the car was dead.
“You ain’t going in this thing,” George said as he turned away.
“But Mister, please help …” The door of the office closed behind George as he went inside. He went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting. “Here, take my truck,” he said. “She ain’t the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good.”
George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. He turned and walked back inside the office. “Glad I gave ’em the truck, their tires were shot too. That ‘ol truck has brand new ones .” George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it.  “Well, at least he got something in his belly,” George thought.
George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered that the block hadn’t cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. “Well, shoot, I can fix this,” he said to himself. So he put a new one on.
“Those tires ain’t gonna get ’em through the winter either.” He took the snow treads off of his wife’s old Lincoln . They were like new and he wasn’t going to drive the car anyway.
As he was working, he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, “Please help me.”
George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. “Pressure to stop the bleeding,” he thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. “Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin’,” he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease.
“Something for pain,” George thought.  All he had was the pills he used for his back. “These ought to work.” He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills. “You hang in there, I’m going to get you an ambulance.”
The phone was dead. “Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your car.” He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio.
He went back in to find the policeman sitting up. “Thanks,” said the officer. “You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area.”
George sat down beside him, “I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain’t gonna leave you.” George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. “Looks worse than what it is.  Bullet passed right through ‘ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain.”
George got up and poured a cup of coffee. “How do you take it?” he asked.
“None for me,” said the officer..
“Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city. Too bad I ain’t got no donuts.” The officer laughed and winced at the same time.
The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun. “Give me all your cash! Do it now!” the young man yelled. His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before.
“That’s the guy that shot me!” exclaimed the officer.
“Son, why are you doing this?” asked George, “You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt.”
The young man was confused. “Shut up old man, or I’ll shoot you, too. Now give me the cash!”
The cop reached for his gun. “Put that thing away,” George said to him, “we got 1 too many in here now.”
He turned his attention to the young man. “Son, it’s Christmas Eve. If you need money, well then, here. It ain’t much but it’s all I got. Now put that pea shooter away.”
George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time.  The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry.  “I’m not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son,” he went on. “I’ve lost my job, my rent is due, my car got repossessed last week.”
George handed the gun to the cop. “Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can.”
He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. “Sometimes we do stupid things.” George handed the young man a cup of coffee. “Bein’ stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin’ in here with a gun ain’t the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we’ll sort this thing out.”
The young man stopped crying, and looked at the cop “Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I’m sorry officer.” he said.
Shut up and drink your coffee ” the cop said.
George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. “Chuck! You ok?” one of the cops asked the wounded officer.
“Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?”
“GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?” the other cop asked as he approached the young man.
Chuck answered him, “I don’t know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran.”
George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. “That guy work here?” the wounded cop continued.
“Yep,” George said, “just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job.”
The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered,  “Why?”
Chuck just said, “Merry Christmas boy … and you too, George, and thanks for everything.”
“Well, looks like you got one doozy of a  break there. That ought to solve some of your problems.”
George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. “Here you go, something for the little woman. I don’t think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day.”
The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. “I can’t take this,” said the young man. “It means something to you.”
“And now it means something to you,” replied George. “I got my memories. That’s all I need.”
George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. “Here’s something for that little man of yours.”
The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier.
“And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that too,” George said. “Now git home to your family.”
The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. “I’ll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good.”
“Nope. I’m closed Christmas day,” George said. “See ya the day after.”
George turned around & found the stranger had returned. “Where’d you come from? I thought you’d left?”
“I have been here. I have always been here,” said the stranger. “You say you don’t celebrate Christmas. Why?”
“Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn’t see what all the bother was. Puttin’ up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin’ cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn’t the same by myself and besides I was gettin’ a little chubby.”
The stranger put his hand on George’s shoulder. “But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor.
The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any for himself. “That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man.”
George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. “And how do you know all this?” asked the old man.
“Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again.”
The stranger moved toward the door. “If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned.”
George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room.
“You see, George … it’s My birthday.  Merry Christmas.”
George fell to his knees and replied, “Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus”
This story is better than any greeting card.  MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!
Now clear the lump from your throat, blow your nose, and send this along to a friend of yours or someone who may need a reminder as to why we celebrate Christmas.
Tomorrow is not promised, – Cherish today!
~Steve~                                              H/T    hujonwi
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Wednesday’s Chuckle.

A Mexican (an undocumented Democrat), a Black (a documented Democrat), a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.

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“I can only grant four wishes,” the Genie said. “Since there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece.” Pointing at the Black, he said, “Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish.”

The Black thought for a moment then said, “I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa .” Poof! It was done! Thousands of ships appeared on the skyline.

The Mexican said, “I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my peoples back to our homeland, May-he-co!” Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet pickups appeared on the beach.

The Muslim said, “I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.” Poof! It was done! A hundred thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

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Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, “And what is your
wish?”

The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

The Redneck said, “Just give me a Bud Lite. It doesn’t get any
better than this!”

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~Steve~                                           H/T   hujonwi

 

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Obama's No Child…err..Gang Banger Left Behind

 
In a brilliant new study by the Dept Of Education
(which only cost You and I 85 bazillion dollars)
They have determined the reason most inner city youts
(Yep, I said youts) are failing math is because they can’t see it in a practical application.
So they have devised a new test and we here at FOTM have gotten a copy from one of our many clandestine operatives planted in various and sundry places.
Don’t ask, cause you don’t want to know.
Just another service brought to you by the
FOTM Team. 
Inner City Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! 
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Little Psycho has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin. How many mofos can Little Psycho ice on a drive- by before he gotta reload?
ak
2. Big Mutha has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to JimJam for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?
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3. Jay-Jay pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Jay-Jays $800 per day Crack habit?
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4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother’s bail?
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6. Killa got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per mo nth, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
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8. Pee-Wee knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Pee-Wee knocked up?
9. Little Big Boi is a lookout for the gang. Little Big Boi also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Little Big Boi makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed his snake with one week’s income?
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10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
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~Steve                                  H/T  The I_Man 
 
 

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Chevy panders to homosexuals

Last weekend was Motorcity Pride in Detroit.  From the Motorcity Pride website:
Motor City Pride is a volunteer-driven event celebrating the lives of Michigan’s Gay Homosexual, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender citizens. A weekend packed with multiple events including a family picnic, golf outing, Commitment Ceremony, parade, and beer garden. Motor City Pride culminates as the largest LGHBT gathering in Michigan and is newly located this year at Hart Plaza downtown Motor City.
Chevrolet ran and ad to support sell cars to the homosexual community.

The ad says, “So, whatever revs your engine, we support you 100%.”
Question: Does that statement apply only to the HLBT population?  Or does it apply to NAMBLA, bestiality, and folks that support plural marriages? Are they discriminating if they pander to a particular minority segment of the population and yet ignore others that have desires that “rev their engines”?
And now I await your comments from the last tagline in the ad, “Chevy Runs Deep”!
DCG

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