Sandra Fluke's Dilemma is Solved – She Needs to be declared an EPA Wetlands Protected Area

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Many of you have likely seen the heart rending testimony of Ms. Sandra Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University, before a Congressional Committee a few weeks ago. She was lamenting that no one would subsidize her birth control expenses, which she claimed would amount to $3000 during her three years in law school.
After watching Ms. Fluke describe her desperate situation I set to thinking of ways to help her out of her crisis.
First, of course I had to pass through the grieving period I experienced after hearing of her inhumane treatment at the hands of the Georgetown administration and our Government � what cruelty lurks in the heart of men that they would leave this poor woman to fend for herself when all she wanted to do was get laid seven times a day (see my analysis below).
Once I recovered from my grief, I set to thinking about ways to help this poor girl. Being a Physicist, I sat down with my calculator and worked through some numbers.
Ms. Fluke’s expense account for birth control (aka sexual entertainment) was claimed to be $3000 for three years at law school. Let’s presume that as an educated woman she wants to be doubly safe and uses both birth control pills to prevent pregnancy and condoms to prevent STD (sexually transmitted disease).
Using the Wal-Mart cost for birth control pills of $9 per month, her birth control pills will cost her $324 for her entire law school career (if you can call it a career � I can think of other names). This leaves only $2676 for her condoms.
I went to, and found quality condoms available for 33 cents each in packages of 60 condoms each. This cost includes tax and shipping. Since she has $2676 for her 33 cent condoms, she will be buying 8109 condoms during her law school “career”�.
To use her 8109 condoms (remember, $3000 was Ms. Fluke’s own number) she would have to have sex 7 times a day. This number presumes that she has sex ten times a day on Sundays when she has more free time.
So, having worked through these numbers, I have some suggestions for Ms. Fluke to help her work through her crisis:
1. Find dates that are gentlemanly enough to either provide their own condoms, or at least split the cost with her. Selection criteria is the key to this one.
2. Spend more time studying. Even seven “quickies” a day will seriously cut into quality study time. This would not only save money but would improve her education as well.
3. Seek funding from the EPA from one of their Wetlands Protection programs surely Ms. Fluke’s nether regions would qualify as wetlands given sex seven times a day.
Just trying to help out a starving student.
By the way, the average starting salary of new Georgetown Law School graduates is $160,000 a year, FYI.
Booth R. Myers, PhD
 H/T Kelleigh

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0 responses to “Sandra Fluke's Dilemma is Solved – She Needs to be declared an EPA Wetlands Protected Area

  1. And if any of the critters bound to be thriving in her wetlands is an an endangered species, there’ll be money available for that also.

  2. Don’t forget she’ll need free Obamacare to pay for her UTI expenses, no doubt 🙂

  3. This post had me cracking up 🙂

  4. Dear Booth,
    I know I am being familiar, but you do not seem to be a person that deserves my respect. When was the last time you actually bought birth-control pills? Mine are in excess of $230.00 for a three-month supply. I would never buy my condoms from Since you just consider what is going on in Ms.Fluke’s life as “sexual entertainment”, I assume you abstain from such activity unless you actually want to create a child. If not, then you are a hypocrite in the truest form of the word. As for your math: a friend of mine likes to quote: Figures never lie, but liars sure can figure!

    • Even if you bought condoms from your local drug store, they are still cheap. Doesn’t matter what the cost is, it’s YOUR responsibility to pay for your birth control. Why should someone else pay for it?
      As for your last quote, sounds like a perfect description of Skippy…

    • You can buy a party hat at your local Chevron station for fifty cents.
      Get over yourself.

      • But, but…who will pay for my BC?
        Entitlement syndrome engrained at an early age via public indoctrination.
        Hey, I want to participate in an activity, of my own free will, it’s called target practice. I can’t afford it as much as I would like to practice it. Can I get the govt to mandate you pay for my ammo via some insurance mandate? Kule!!

    • L., I had a dilemma a few years ago. I had a total hysterectomy and was to be put on hormones. If you research, you will find how the hormone is collected. Being a horse lover, I asked my Doctor if there was a therapy with natural plant hormones. So he gave me a Rx for one, it was $50.00 a month. The other generic brand was only $4.00 a month. After 2 months, I realized, my ethics was overridden by my pocketbook. I experienced, no difference between the two drugs, and realized that I could do nothing for the horses anyway… My point being, if I were you I would get an Rx for the $9.00 Wal-Mart pills. You do know that most of the expensive drugs, are not really field tested enough for me, I asked my doctor to always give me the oldest drug available to treat what ever condition I have. It’s safer and cheaper… Just my two cents 😉

    • L.-
      I’m only 29 yrs old and my birthcontrol cost $22 a month! Soooo….let’s see here…
      22×3=$66 (for a 3 mnth supply)
      Oops! I accidentally forgot to add in (y).
      (y)= Sense of Entitlement
      Oh…Now I understand how you came up with an “excess of $230.00”!
      If you want my opinion, you might consider dropping that Sense of Entitlement. I did, and now my pills are way cheaper! Have you ever heard of the word “generic”? 😀
      You should be ashamed of yourself for being so utterly disrespectful to such a wonderful woman like LTG!
      “you do not seem to be a person that deserves my respect.”
      Let me tell you something HoneyChild! She dang sure DOES DESERVE YOUR RESPECT! B/c as of right now, she is actually the one who will be paying for your stupid Birthcontrol! Which, after your ignorant comment, it’s probably for the best that you do not reproduce. Did your Mom not teach you that being hateful makes you look super ugly to others?

    • Sex is entertainment, fun to be sure, but entertainment ( at least when birth control is in effect). There is no other purpose for it. So do you think that I should subsidize your Movie tickets? Your Music? When does my responsibility to pay for you stop?
      Now as to math.. 230/3 = $76 per month so to spend $3k you need to use them for 40 months. Or 3.5 years approximately.
      However I have no clue where you buy yours, but my wife spend no more than $20 each. So while math may change a bit, the point doesn’t.
      Birth control has nothing to do with women health, it has to do with women lifestyle. Something that is your own decision and your own responsibility.

    • Dean Paul Larsh

      Entertainment is defined as an activity with no productive result. What Ms. Fluke is proposing is laughable as she wants the taxpayer to foot the bill for her fun. As a lawyer, she should act according to the standard of law and not expect somebody else to pay the way she is supposed to earning. She ought to concentrate on her studies to make sure she can afford her own entertainment on her own time upon graduation. If this is to be her standard of practicing law, she’ll not last long.

  5. GF.. This “testimony” was nothing more than to push an orchestrated agenda.

  6. If you DON’T want to get pregnant then DON’T SCREW! IT is about time that ALL people face their own RESPONSIBILITIES, if you can’t, then DON’T expect ME and MINE to fund your habits! Semper Fi.

  7. sterilization!!!!!!!!!


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