Quotes to live by

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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”

-Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.  But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

– Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

– George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

– Victor Borge

By all means, marry.  If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

– Socrates

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

– Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

– Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

– Alex Levine

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

– Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

– Joe Namath

I don’t feel old.  I don’t feel anything until noon.  Then it’s time for my nap.

– Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

– W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

– Will Rogers

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

– Winston Churchill

My favorite is Victor Borge’s. LOL

H/t our Miss May!

~Eowyn

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0 responses to “Quotes to live by

  1. “I advise people to never give advice.”
    P.G. Wodehouse

     
  2. I think Groucho said: I would never be a member of any
    organization that would have ME as a member….
    but I have to agree with Socrates , too 🙂

     
  3. Hope you are feeling better today Dr E, I like the one by Socrates best…

     

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