Obama Stimulus for Dummies

Given the sluggish economy, before long we taxpayers will receive another “Economic Stimulus” payment.
This is indeed a very exciting but confusing program. Being patriotic Americans, our mission is to help you understand with the following Q & A format:
Q.  What is an “Economic Stimulus payment”?
A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers.
Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen of it.
Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q.  But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A.  Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

  • If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China, Indonesia or Sri Lanka.
  • If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase a computer, it will go to India or Taiwan.
  • If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, and China.
  • If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan, South Korea, and in 5 years, China.
  • If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
  • And if you buy a bunch of useless stuff, it for sure will go to China.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

  1. Spending it at yard sales (it’s called “recycling”!), or
  2. Buying produce at your local farmer’s market, or
  3. Going to ball games, or
  4. Spending it on prostitutes, or
  5. Beer or tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute whom you met at the farmer’s market or a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank us. We’re just doing our patriotic duty and glad we could be of help!
H/t Betty.
~Steve & Eowyn

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9 years ago

LOL! you guys are absolutely right!!

9 years ago

I live in NJ- our stimulus checks are going to pay our propertytaxes- straight to the township- we do not even see, smell, touch the check! BTW- my taxes here in the state of high taxes- went up $2,000. this year! Think that $2.00 from the stimulus is gonna help ????? I’d rather drink beer 🙂

9 years ago

or buy some home grown marijauna. or buy more guns and ammo.

9 years ago

Can never go wrong with more beer and ammo.

9 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

True, just don’t combine the two!!

9 years ago

I’ll interject a very positive and optimistic suggestion. Buy as much of your produce from a local farm stand. I know the season is ending now for us but our farmer’s market is open until December. I buy fresh fruits and vegetables there every week. I will buy my fish from a local fish market and check to make sure what I’m purchasing was caught by them locally. I buy fresh organic eggs when I can too. They sell out really fast so I can’t always do that. This time of the year many schools and churches are having craft… Read more »