LOTR's ethereal Legolas is forever tainted because of Orlando Bloom's dick

It’s no secret to FOTM readers that I’m a huge fan of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings (LOTR) and Sir Peter Jackson’s movie trilogy.
While my favorite character in the books is the humble and loyal Samwise Gamgee, in the movies the Elven prince Legolas is a close second because of actor Orlando Bloom’s portrayal — ethereal, unruffled, not a (long flaxen) hair out of place even in the midst of battle, with preternatural athletic prowess. Witness this breathtaking scene of Logolas taking a flying leap onto a horse, from the second LOTR movie: The Two Towers.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJcr6Pe0kxA]
In fact, it was Legolas that catapulted the then-unknown Bloom to instant stardom, which secured Bloom his roles in the execrable Pirates of the Caribbean and other movies.
But I’ll no longer be able to watch the LOTR trilogy without the disgusting image of Bloom’s penis spoiling all of Legolas’ scenes.
Orlando Bloom, 39, and his current girlfriend, pop singer Katy Perry, were on vacation this week in Sardinia, Italy, and for some reason, he decided to paddle-board stark naked.
New York Daily Post broke the story and published pics of Bloom, but with a discreet black bar superimposed over his crotch.
Orlando Bloom naked
Other sites, of course, ran with the uncensored version of naked Orlando. Click here, but be forewarned that . . . .
eye bleach shocked cat
Reportedly, Bloom is mortified, angry and frustrated by the uncensored pics. But he has no one but himself to blame, as no one put a gun to his head to sport around naked in public.
He also has crappy tastes in women:

  • Impregnating before marrying, then divorcing, the narcissistic Australian “supermodel” Miranda Kerr.
  • Briefly dating the slutty-looking Selena Gomez. See her leering like a gargoyle in the Verizon commercial below, looking like a transvestite with a lot of mileage and much older than her 24 years.

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-j9lwYiB1w]

  • And now consorting with avowed satanist Katy Perry.

Many of Perry’s biggest hit songs have to do with lesbianism, bestiality, the Illuminati, and selling one’s soul to the Devil — which she admitted on video:
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10rx15v28yk]
~Eowyn

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TrailDust
Admin
TrailDust
4 years ago

What a sad day for LOTR fans. 🙁

marblenecltr
4 years ago

America, Europe, and all the rest of the world, straighten ourselves out, turn from Lucifer and come back to God. Those who don’t may fall as the two sisters in Ezekiel 23. The wheat is being separated from the chaff.

Steven Broiles
4 years ago

Well, look at it this way: Ernest Hemingway was a wife-beating and cheating adulterer who did not believe in God. Yet he was an authority on the bloody art of bullfighting, and he wrote excellent fiction (all of which had been placed on the Catholic Church’s Index of forbidden books). So every man (or woman) has a talent of some sort, be it athletic (as did Bruce Jenner), physical beauty (as had Selena Gomez or Mariah Carey), poetry and verse (as did Sylvia Plath), acting (as has Orlando Bloom), and so on and so forth. Disappointing, indeed. Yet more proof… Read more »

lophatt
lophatt
4 years ago
Reply to  Steven Broiles

Good points Steven. Personally, I think at least a few of them may be past the point of “correction”. But,…….., I never play God or pretend to limit God’s ability to do anything. I was thinking about that just the other day. “God’s ways are not our ways”. That is why its so hard for us to imagine a life-long reprobate having contrition on his death bed and receiving forgiveness. I suppose that’s because, if we’re honest, most of us think that our faithfulness should be rewarded. Think parable of the lost sheep. The truth is that it is an… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous
4 years ago

He takes the time to wear the right shades and hat, but not to cover his weiner…

lophatt
lophatt
4 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Yeah, he should have worn rubber boots and a sombrero.

DCG
Admin
DCG
4 years ago

“Bloom is mortified, angry and frustrated by the uncensored pics.” Puleeze…see anon’s comment above.

lynnmccrann
lynnmccrann
4 years ago

I could go into my bathroom and see more acceptable crap being flushed down the toiltet. Why even address this nonsense?

Steven Broiles
4 years ago
Reply to  Dr. Eowyn

I haven’t watched any of the LOTR movies, Dr. E., but although I know what you mean, this nudist episode of his did happen AFTER those movies came out. But something really has gone awry in our Culture when people are not merely “careless” but actually seek to offend. Was this “in public” or in a secluded area that could have been considered private? (Brad Pitt, for example, may be a jerk, but he can still act.) Frank Sinatra tried to sue Kitty Kelly’s biography of him from being published. He opined, falsely in my opinion, that there were “two… Read more »

Steven Broiles
4 years ago
Reply to  Dr. Eowyn

I didn’t know it was a public beach. I stand corrected. Still, Bloom can’t take your love of LOTR without your consent! Hemingway was a bastard! That’s on his head! Still, I like his work. Sylvia Plath was demon-crazed and stuck her head in the oven! Still, she was a good poet. Diane Arbus was a great photographer. (Her photo of the New Jersey twins inspired Stephen King to copy it in “The Shining.”) She slit her wrists in a bathtub! What—I’m not allowed to like their work? When the victorious army defeats the wicked, the first thing it does… Read more »

lophatt
lophatt
4 years ago
Reply to  Steven Broiles

I rather suppose “the point” would be that, even us “non-stars” don’t usually show up at a public beach flashing our John Thomas at all and sundry. Does he think he gets a “pass” because he’s a “celebrity”? And, what’s she doing? She’s sitting there calmly in a (for her) conservative swimsuit, admiring the view (off her leeward side). Now, don’t get me wrong. I think its nice to get naked with your honey. I just normally don’t do that in front of a cast of thousands. He reminds me of those SHES people. They show off constantly and then… Read more »

Rocky
Rocky
4 years ago

What kind of idiot goes paddling with his dick hanging out? A typical Hollywood narcissist whose world revolves around his dick, that’s who.

Anonymous
Anonymous
4 years ago
Reply to  Rocky

He wants everybody to see he’s naked with Katy Perry…

marblenecltr
4 years ago

I’m sorry, I can’t help it, I have to say this. (Sarc., hopefully not needed for visitors.) I’m not being judgmental, I am simply trying to be helpful. When viewing large screen or small screen productions, be very careful in choosing approval of the characters, both the ones in the script and those playing the part of that written character. May I suggest consideration of a character I have long admired, a family man with great love for his wife and children, and a faithful employee in a company essential for the community’s well being. And he would NEVER be… Read more »

Dave
Editor
Dave
4 years ago

Maybe he was in Rio and the polluted toxic water dissolved his swimsuit?

Recynd77
4 years ago

Ok, I looked.
What is this new(ish) fascination with removing all traces of body hair…for women AND men? I have a nearly 19 year old son whom I would like to remain unperverted (yes, I consider a preference for prepubescent bodies…others, and one’s own… perverted). Men shouldn’t be shaving legs, armpits, or…testicles. For heaven’s sake.
Sadly SMH.

BT
BT
4 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

I looked so fast I didn’t notice, but after reading your comment had to look again. Granted, my eyesight is bad, but I saw hair… Glad I don’t see many movies – have never seen one he’s in, and don’t listen to much music either, so I can honestly say I don’t contribute to either of their bank accounts. Thank goodness for so many books!

lophatt
lophatt
4 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

Yeah Recynd, that’s what they say about getting naked with your friends. It makes it hard to look them in the eye later. Do you wonder what she was thinking while she sat there in that rather tame swimsuit when he decided to go all “Nature Boy” on her?
“Is that a gun in…….er, nevermind”.

Recynd77
4 years ago
Reply to  lophatt

Hey Lop! I was afraid I’d never run into you again, and that actually made me very sad. But now…I’m happy 🙂

lophatt
lophatt
4 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

Same here, VERY happy. We’ll have to discuss it sometime. I guess he doesn’t mind having his site stolen. That’s OK, its his, not mine. Glad you’re here, it didn’t seem right without you.

lophatt
lophatt
4 years ago

Well, I suppose you could know him by the company he keeps. I suppose I’ve done some “kinky” things in my time but I can’t remember paddling stark naked with a girl in a swimsuit. He must be pleased with himself. As for Katy, this is pretty tame, although she could have lost an eye. Katy has been around the block more than a few times and her taste in men leaves something to be desired. It seems to me that Katy is engaged full-time in “modeling” behavior for young girls. She’s like an older Mylie Cyrus. Both are under… Read more »

Paul Blake
4 years ago

Naive children, on the path, stopped to play with fire!

patrioticgofer
4 years ago

Dr. E … I, like you, LOVE the whole LOTR series of movies, plus both Hobbit movies. If you haven’t seen them, I suggest you watch them soon. They are a great companion for LOTR. Matter of fact, I have just finished watching all of them again and they still sit on my table, beside me, waiting to go back into my huge collection of videos. But … as for Mr. Bloom’s behavior … we must remember that he is just an actor and a decent one at that. There are many actors I like to watch, but disprove of… Read more »

LordeMaria
4 years ago

Oh my GOD wtf Orlando bloom!?
Legolas’s image is ruined! Even WIll Turner’s! This is kinda depressing because I really, really, REALLY liked(not the like like, but the adoring-fan like) Orlando. (And legolas and Will)
And I have clicked on the uncensored pic, but I’m hesitating because I’m not entirely sure I want to see it *internal screaming*
I s2G

josephbc69
3 years ago

Celebrities appear to live in an atmosphere so rarified that only they can breathe it. In so doing they achieve powers & abilities we mere mortals can only dream about, such as, but not limited to: life & living w/o consequences; and a 24/7 cloak of invisibility so they can do as Tom Terrific did, ‘I can be whatever I want to be!’ Whatever laws & constraints apply to we mortals were never intended for them. Thus they glide through life, and if a bump or two is encountered in their life’s road, why that’s what all those tens of… Read more »