Illinois police department tells criminals to stay inside during heat wave

This is not from The Onion.

From MyFoxChicago: Criminal activity has been officially canceled in one suburban Chicago town due to the extreme heat that’s cooking most of the country.

“It is just too hot to be outside committing crimes,” the Park Forest Police Department said on Facebook Friday. “We’re asking all aspiring criminals, seasoned veterans, and those who find themselves committing crimes out of boredom, to please stay indoors.”

The department proposed that Friday would be a perfect day “to Netflix and chill, literally, with the air conditioner set to 68 degrees.”

At the same time, a Massachusetts police department implemented a similar heat wave-related crime-fighting strategy.

The Braintree Police Department took to Facebook Friday night to ask anyone thinking of conducting criminal activity “to hold off until Monday.”

“It is straight hot as soccer balls out there,” the department said before suggesting that potential criminals stay home and binge-watch season 3 of “Stranger Things” instead, according to“We will meet again when its cooler,” the department said.

In a follow-up post late Friday, Park Forest PD said that one of its officers, Justin Malachowski, was appreciative of everyone who canceled their planned crimes and stayed indoors. “Because of you, he got to enjoy a cold and delicious afternoon Slurpee from 7-Eleven without interruption,” the department said.

The entire Chicago area was under an excessive heat warning Friday and Saturday as heat index values could rise as high as 115 degrees in some places.

Windy City temps hit the 99-degree mark Friday. On Saturday the Park Forest Police was still advising would-be wrongdoers to stay indoors.

“The crime cancellation is still in effect until tomorrow, so please no ‘criminaling,’” the department said.


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1 year ago

How about we just send them some cold beer and some spleef until the heatwave passes so then they can go on with their criminal lifestyles….

1 year ago

Hold off til Monday? I thought I read it all. Hell, when the weather changes in October they have the green light to get rid of everybody including the police, and then who’s minding the store. No wonder we are going the wrong way.

Dr. Eowyn
1 year ago

“This is not from The Onion.”

I was thinking of just that! — that if I didn’t know better, this would be something from The Onion.

1 year ago

I’m surprised they didn’t make the stores open early so they could steal TV’s and whiskey while getting ready for “Netflix”. This has reached a point where it isn’t even satire. It’s too unreal for satire.

Jackie Puppet
1 year ago

The “Africa-hot” heat index may have been too much for the criminals – it had an effect on their aim. 🌡☀🔥

Only 2 dead & 42 wounded this past weekend. 👎🏿

I think the Park Forest PD had the right idea – why waste bullets if you can’t concentrate on killing your intended victims?

1 year ago
Reply to  Jackie Puppet

Damn, those Zulus shot better than that and they’d never seen a gun.