I Love My New Doctor.


MY NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN
Love_this Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true? *
*A: Heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste it on
exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart does not make
you live longer; it’s like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
*
*
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no! Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they
take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that
way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? *     (Good Catch Grouchy)
*A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodys, your ratio is two to one.
*
*Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program? *
*A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How can getting more
vegetables be bad?
*
*Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle? *
*A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be
doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? *
*A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It’s best
feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? *
*A: If swimming is good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? *
*A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other
– body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO,
what a ride!!”
AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans…
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
 CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
~Steve~                               H/T  Our Canadian Brother Joseph

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0 responses to “I Love My New Doctor.

  1. Love this!! Cannot wait to show it to our office?

     
  2. I studied medicine….’should have gone to school with this Doctor !
    I can add that : All of the Puritans ate organic vegetables….
    and spoke english …..and they’re all dead .

     
  3. Multiple spews!
    🙂

     
  4. makes sense… somehow.. its democrats and the liberal media that causes the blood pressure to go up and bam heart attack, stroke death

     
  5. Honestly GF, I’ve followed this guy’s advice all my life and I’m still here, which is scary for my MDs, as they’re all dead except for my GP whom I rarely see these days. I usually manage two bottles red wine in 24 hrs or a half bottle meeting at night w/George Dewar & Sons. At 69, I’ve survived a coronary at 32, melanoma cut out at 36, three car crashes caused by apnea, one stabbing, one gunshot wound, which took out my femur but missed the artery, and good thing: we were 35 miles from town and I had to tell my two friends what to do! It’s said that God/Heaven looks out for babies and idiots, and as I’m no longer an infant….

     
    • Wow. You have a wonderful Guardian Angel looking after you, Joseph! 😀

       
      • Ain’t that the Gospel Truth, ’cause I’m not doing anything special to look out for myself except to eat reasonably well, get something useful accomplished every day [from my dad], and try to leave the world a bit better off than when I awoke, which in itself is a miracle. When I did the apnea sleep test overnight in hospital, next morning the attendant said he couldn’t figure out how I got through the night alive, as I stopped and re-started breathing more than 200 times…. So it goes.

         
    • “Drunks and Fools” is fine, works for me! And yes, I do like yr advice to “Live until we die, all else is optional!” That’s why I won’t retire or reduce many activities, as this is what makes it all worthwhile. “I want to wear out, not rust out!” also works.

       
  6. Same here. 🙂
    Besides, soybeans are very bad for you.
    So is poison.
    -Dave

     
  7. And when I do finally leave this rock, which could be twenty years from now, or tomorrow afternoon, I hope they find a half-consumed beer bottle in my left hand (I don’t do canned beer), a half-eaten charcoal-grilled cheeseburger in my right hand (the world’s perfect food), and a plate on my lap with a pile of homemade fries on it. 😀
    -Dave

     

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