Here's the top secret Democratic National Convention schedule!

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The 2012 Democratic National Convention, in which delegates of the Democratic Party from the 50 states will choose rubber-stamp the party’s nominees for President and Vice President in the November 6th election, is scheduled to be held during the week of September 3.
Thanks to FOTM’s intrepid on-the-ground reporter Lady Wendy, we have a copy of the top-secret Democratic National Convention schedule!

Charlotte, NC, is going all out for the DNC with this special retractable-roof stadium!

The 2012 Democratic National Convention

4:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:15 PM – Singing of “God Damn America” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:25 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:30 PM – Obama’s mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, “blesses” convention in special Santeria voodoo ceremony.
4:45 PM –Al Sharpton leads Castrati Choir in singing “Great Balls of Fire”
5:00 PM – UFO Abduction Survival – Joe Biden
5:30 PM – Special roundtable on “Adultery and Family Values,” with Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, and Jesse Jackson.
5:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States
6:00 PM – Joe Biden delivers 100,000-word speech featuring 23-minute question session and 2-hour answer session
8:30 PM – Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM – Bill Clinton delivers rousing endorsement of Obama Girl who, sadly, is now a Republican.
9:15 PM – Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo – Michael Moore
9:30 PM – Snack break – Delicious roasted Anthony weiners, served with special Nina Totenberg BBQ sauce!
9:45 PM – Personal Finance Seminar by Charlie Rangel, with special “how to stay out of jail” bonus tips!
10:00 PM – Denunciation of Bitter Bible-Reading Pro-life Gun-Owners and of Veterans – Janet Napolitano
10:30 PM – Ceremonial Waving of White Flag to Afghan Talibans
11:00 PM – Obama Energy Plan Symposium: How to sell oil to China, raise gas prices, and pour millions of taxpayer dollars into green energy sinkholes like Solyndra!
11:15 PM – Rally to free Jon Corzine (of MF Global) and Jamie Dimon (of JP Morgan Chase)
11:30 PM – Almost-midnight snack of $16 muffins!
11:45 AM – Convention delegates consult their Oujia boards.
12:00 PM – Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher, The Beast
12:01 AM – Obama Accepts Nomination as President King
12:02 AM – Bolt of lightning incinerates convention hall

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0 responses to “Here's the top secret Democratic National Convention schedule!

  1. Dr. Eowyn, if that agenda weren’t so plausible it would be fall down funny!
    Now I couldn’t help but notice they eliminated the planned NWO’s Roast of Anthony’s Weiner. Or is that just Anthony Weiner? Well, they were going to roast a Weiner or so I heard. The coronation ceremony likely caused that to be bumped.

    • Celestine,
      Inspired by you, I went back to the post and added a special Snack Break at 9:30 PM! 😀

      • I feel nearly honored! You know Dr. E, I was just thinking Democrats without weiners is like……. well……. Hillary although I can’t be certain. 😉

  2. edward oleander

    Green Party Convention Schedule:
    0800 – Closing: Smell the flowers, man, smell the flowers.
    Socialist Party Convention Schedule:
    0800 – Opening Ceremony – Theme: Forward into bankruptcy
    1200 – Keynote Speakers Pinky and the Brain report on efforts to take over the world.
    2200 – Closing – Having agreed on nothing, Convention disbands to home in comfortable cars, trains, and planes to blog on high-quality, inexpensive computers about the evils of capitalism.
    Libertarian Party Convention Schedule:
    0800 – 2300 Read the Constitution, skipping the inconvenient parts.
    2300 – Closing: Choose no-one because we don’t need the Federal Government anyway.
    Post Closing – Load guns… It’s a long walk back to the hotel.
    GOP Convention Schedule:
    Opening Ceremony – CANCELLED – Participants too busy suing Facebook for demonstrating why the market can be risky.
    0900 – 2000 – Shake down the homeless for loose change to make for Facebook losses.
    2000 – closing – Select Romney in a mighty gnashing of teeth.
    2300 – Leave building by walking on a row of OWS protesters, and Trickling Down this mornings beer onto their faces.

  3. lowtechgrannie

    The only thing missing is the obligatory conga line! LOL

  4. I like how it ends 🙂

  5. Sounds about right.

  6. You forgot the halftime stadium fly-over by the Goodyear Drone.

  7. Did Michael Moore donate the roof vent, or did he crush another one of his toilets again, and get a new one built?

  8. Oh, one more thing is missing: 12:03 AM…big impromptu barbecue…bolt of lightning incinerated Joey the gaffe chicken Biden. Can’t let a barbecued chicken go to waste!

  9. …how about a courtesy flush to keep the smell down ?


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