Help! I'm desperate for another Caption Contest!

This is the 79th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic (h/t Izismile):
nude lawnmower
You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on FOTM (scroll down), not via email or on Facebook.
  • The winner of the Caption Contest will get a gorgeous Award Certificate of Excellence and a year’s free subscription to FOTM! :D
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

Not content with swimming in the nude before female Secret Service agents, Joe Biden also has a habit of pretending to mow the lawn wearing only a g-string.

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, August 12, 2014.
For the winner of our last Caption Contest, go here!

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0 responses to “Help! I'm desperate for another Caption Contest!

  1. Grass, grass, grass….and a wedgie in my ass, ass, ass.

  2. Jim mows the grass, as mandated by his wife, wearing what she found in the glovebox and Jim proclaimed is what all the cool guys are wearing …

  3. Right now I am dumbfounded, but at least he is all color coordinated. I can’t help but wonder what his wife is thinking.
    Mumbling to himself, “all I was trying to do was watch football and she makes me mow the grass, I’ll fix her dag nab it. I bet she never asks me again.”

  4. Men’s fashion rule #4. Always match your thong with your shoes

  5. Rob Ford excels in rehab. He is now mowing grass instead of smoking it.

    • As a Canadian, I wish that were true! He’s only in temporary non-use, and will be at it when he feels he can get away with it. Oh well, at least now we have a living example of a politician grown as fat as a hog!

  6. Reblogged this on Reality Check and commented:
    Brain bleach…. ack!

  7. Brenda Leeann Springer

    The “People Of Wal Mart” first place winner.

  8. Obama’s economy takes even the clothes off of our backs….

  9. Won’t you come inside and see my clippings?

  10. “Only in Flori-da-da, you say?”

  11. Global Warming is really affecting The North Pole these days

  12. The Chairman of the Dade County DNC celebrates President Obama’s latest Executive Order establishing National Strawberry Shortcake Day.

  13. Always a sucker for a bargain, Ron went whole hog at yesterday’s Lawnmower Sale-A-Thong at Sears.

  14. Losing her bet to Huma, Hillary Clinton makes good her pledge to mow Eric Holder’s front lawn, topless.

  15. “Sumo Mowing” or “Getting my Sumo on!”

  16. Redneck County Dispatch, Fashion Focus Section:
    To the delight of his neighbors, Bubba “Lil’ Bear” Johnson made the trifecta fashion statement, color coordinating his weenie bikini, tennis, and mower.

  17. It’s the CEO of the Dublin Mall in the State of Georgia!

  18. Pay somebody waiting for his green card and get in the house! And pull down the shades! Or are you proud of your color-matching sweatband, G-string, sneakers, and lawnmower?

  19. Due to the falling dollar and the commensurate sharp increase in cotton prices, Americans can no-longer afford to fully cover themselves.

  20. For only an extra $7.99 the New gay male maid service mows your lawn after they spank you and eat all your GMOs…

  21. Hard times have fallen on Barney Frank since his retirement. Hope Harry Reid is paying attention.

  22. Whistle while you work…
    Oh, whistle while you work…
    Barry’s now in charge…
    Homos all at large…
    Let’s whistle while we work!

  23. Pajama Boy in twenty years.

  24. Fatsy joins the Red Shoe Brigade….

  25. Ever since he was selected as the centerfold for Lawnboy’s Spring 1973 catalog, Roy insists on “making it real” whenever he trims his yard.

  26. Introducing the new Chippendale Lawncare Service.
    I’ll cut your grass with panache
    My butt cheeks I will flash
    I might have a little heat rash
    So you’d better stuff my thong with cash
    Else I’ll be back with more white trash

  27. Ever since the elves were deported by the DHS, Santa is forced to pick up reindeer crap and mow the lawn at his Virginia Beach townhouse all by himself.

  28. The longer I look at that guy the more convinced I become that there just may be something to that evolution idea after all!

  29. It’s either grass or ass baby, nobody mows for free….

  30. On an August hot and sweaty
    I was nagged by my wife Betty
    To mow the grass as it was getting rather long
    As I am getting on in years
    And of heat stroke I’m afeard
    I decided to hire someone who was young and strong
    Never did I expect
    That the man I’d soon select
    To mow the lawn would be a source of so much grief
    But when he showed up on Saturday
    With his lawn mower on his sleigh
    He was clad in nothing more than a pair of bright red briefs
    “Dear Sir!” I proclaimed
    “The way you’re dressed! Aren’t you ashamed?
    You resemble a bandaid hugging a great big side of beef!
    If you persist in cutting my grass
    Your thong will slip and show your ass!”
    But all he did was look at me in disbelief.
    “Young man,” he said with sorrow
    “If I may, I’d like to borrow
    A more appropriate garb with which to do my work.”
    I agreed to this simple task
    And upon my return I asked
    Why he was dressed like some kind of nudist jerk.
    He said, “It all began in two thousand ten
    With Obamacare and then
    An EPA visit forced me to close my reindeer farms.
    The IRS reduced me to tears
    Saying I was heavily in tax arrears
    And then OSHA grabbed me for having no fire alarms.”
    “The elves all went on strike
    Mrs. Claus ran off with some dyke
    Dasher and Dancer were shot to death on Opening Day
    Donner and Blitzen I had to eat
    Prancer and Vixen – I jerked their meat
    Comet and Cupid just up and ran away.”
    “Rudolph’s the only one who stayed
    And I was blessed for I had prayed
    That I needed someone to help pull that heavy sled.
    I’m severely overweight
    And my girlfriend’s three weeks late
    To tell the truth I think I’d be better off dead.”
    I was silenced, I was humbled!
    “Please forgive me Santa,” I mumbled
    And I let him finish my lawn with no further delay
    He was fast and he was good
    And in fifteen minutes he stood
    Loading his mower on the flat bed of his sleigh.
    Once he lashed it to the deck
    He wanted cash (wouldn’t take a check)
    And he grabbed the reins and gave Rudolph a whistle
    Then I heard him loudly exclaim
    “Obama’s an asshole! He’s to blame!”
    And he took off like a guided missile.

  31. Looks like someone is trying to even out their tan!!

  32. Another proud Wal Mart shopper hard at work!

  33. Christmas comes a little earlier in Boca Raton.

  34. Great TAT, too!

  35. While it’s hard to top Paul H. Lemmen’s comment above (LOL), here’s my contribution: “No-Pants Vance takes the term ‘Mid-Life Crisis’ to a whole new level, while at the same time, showing that women aren’t the only ones who get cellulite”…

  36. Air Force Brat

    It’s a hunka hunka burnin’ love ….

  37. Clyde’s neighbors are all gathered at the front window, just waiting to see what happens when he runs the mower over a nest of yellow jackets.

  38. Color me crazy but I’m pretty sure his milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.