Fun With Puns

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I woke up this morning to news that Jack LaLanne, who began the modern fitness movement, died at age 96. He was fit to the end. LaLane believed not just in physical fitness but also mental fitness. So here’s something to get our grey cells moving this Monday!
H/t Fellowship co-founder Joan.
~Eowyn

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts.  In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You  feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
~Eowyn & Joan

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0 responses to “Fun With Puns

  1. Dave from Atlanta

    Good piece. Love the tie-in to Jack LaLanne. I have to say, that I was saddened to hear of his passing. Most of the time when I hear of someone passing while in their upper nineties, I cheer for their success at having lived so long. Though I salute Jack’s success, I sort of hoped he would live well past 100 years.
    I still remember being a child in the sixties and seeing my mother try to keep up with Jack’s exercises on black and white TV. She had her glamour stretcher in hand. The sounds… someone on-set used to play an organ sound for deep inhale… hold… and exhale.
    When Jack signed off for the day, he used to sing a song. The melody was borrowed from the Italian standard, “‘O Sole Mio.”
    Jack, we will miss you. This is for you:
    “It’s time to leave you
    Let’s say good-bye
    These precious moments just seem to fly
    Now here’s my wish for you
    My the good Lord bless and keep you too.”

     
  2. Wonderful, and many thanks! This is on its way to folks in need of a lot of laughs and good cheer.

     
  3. Those are clever. 🙂
    I remember my grandmother exercising with him, every morning, when she was in her 50s and 60s. He was always so upbeat. Sometimes I felt tired just watching him. And I loved watching he and his wife together! May God bless and comfort Elaine.

     
  4. good times and sweet memories!

     

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