Category Archives: Idiots

We have three winners!

The writers of FOTM voted for what each considered to be the best (#1) and second-best (#2) captions. Each #1 vote is worth 4 points; a #2 vote is worth 2 points. Only two points separated the winner from the runner-up!

There were so many really clever caption submissions, which is why we have an unprecedented triple winners for this caption contest. 😀

And the winners of the 220th FOTM Caption Contest, each with 8 points, are . . .

Brane Frees, Larry and Lola!

Here are the winning captions:

Brane Frees: “You gotta be half nuts to wear an outfit like this.”
Larry: “When viagra goes wrong”
Lola: “This is a Testes of the Emergency Bad Fashion Broadcast System.”

Note: Brane Frees (what a clever alias/handle!) received one #1 vote and two #2 votes; Larry and Lola each received two #1 votes.

Captain America is in 2nd place with one #1 vote and 4 points. Here is his caption:

“Depends Millennials”. For all the young poopy-pants out there.

Amanda, Jackie Puppet, Jim and truckjunkie are in 3rd place, each with one #2 vote and 2 points. Here are their captions:

Amanda: “Hey Bill, where’s the zipper?
Just use the pants Henry. That’s what I did.”

Jackie Puppet: “Elephantiasis of the balls!”

Jim: “Now let them talk about manspreading.”

truckjunkie: “Hey, I know it looks dorky, but I only have to find a Men’s Room once a week.”

WELL DONE, EVERYONE!

Congratulations, Brane Frees, Larry, and Lola!!!

For all the other caption submissions, go here.

Be here later today for our next, very exciting Caption Contest! 😀

~Eowyn

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Wuhan Coronavirus Madness and Funnies!

Madness or Funny? You decide!


In the Iranian city of Qom, a Muslim cleric named Ayatollah Tabrizian denounced Western medicine and suggested alternative methods to combat the Wuhan virus-induced COVID-19 respiratory disease.

Along with combing your hair thoroughly, consuming copious amounts of brown sugar, burning wild rue, and  inhaling snuff, Ayatollah Tabrizian suggested the novel technique of smearing violet leaf oil on one’s anus. He posted this on the social messaging service Telegram (source: The New Arab):

“Before bedtime, drench some cotton in violet oil and apply onto your anus”

In India, a Hindu group hosted a cow-urine drinking party on Saturday to ward off the Wuhan virus in the belief that cow pee has magical medicinal properties because Hindus consider cows to be sacred. (Daily Mail)

Meanwhile, in the United States, last Thursday afternoon (March 12) in a jam-packed Sam’s Club of panicked shoppers in metro Atlanta, Georgia, a fight broke out when a man in a motorized shopping cart bumped into the cart pushed by a man and woman.

Motorized-man and cart-man grabbed wine bottles and began hitting each other, which ended in one man being wheeled out of the store on a stretcher. (AJC)

I suggest you lower your volume before clicking on the video below.

On Saturday, March 14, in Oregon, the Newport Police Department asked the public not to call 9-1-1 because they ran out of toilet paper. Below is the Newport PD’s post on Facebook:

It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.
In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue. Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used. Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal. Then, of course, there are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now. Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will even tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin.
Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

Meanwhile, back in Iran, the epicenter of the pandemic in the Middle East, yesterday the government reported 113 new Wuhan coronavirus deaths, the country’s biggest single-day jump in fatalities since the outbreak began, bringing the death toll to 724, and confirmed COVID-19 cases to nearly 14,000. There are reasons to suspect the actual number of infections in Iran is much higher.

But as countries across Europe, the latest being Germany, close their borders to contain the Wuhan virus, President Hassan Rouhani of Iran ruled out a general quarantine and said the government was working to keep open the country’s borders. (Fox News)

~Eowyn

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Nancy Pelosi Fear-mongers How ‘Civilization as We Know It Is At Stake’ in the 2020 Election

I thought net neutrality, or was it North Korea, or was it global warming that was going to kill us…

DCG

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Whoopi Goldberg: Jill Biden ‘is A Hell Of A Doctor’

Any one who watches this show should not be allowed to vote…

DCG

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More stupidity from social media: “Skull-Breaker Challenge”

There was the Tidepod challenge, the #cheesedchallenge (throwing cheese at babies), no lackin challenge, cinnamon challenge, condom snorting, among others.

Apparently there’s a new challenge, Skull-Breaker Challenge,” that involves two people tricking one of their friends into standing side-by-side with them and jumping. Then, they kick his legs out from under him and send him crashing to the floor.

As you can guess, this is very dangerous. Watch the video:

What a horrible thing to do to someone.

DCG

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The Walking-Testicles Caption Contest

This Caption Contest is now closed.

—————————

This is the 220th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic (h/t Maziel):

About the pic: On February 13, 2020, at the London College of Fashion’s MA20 catwalk show, 26-year-old fashion designer Harikrishnan, a native of India, unveiled his collection of inflatable latex trousers in a variety of colors. Harikrishnan achieved the look by pumping the trousers with air via a seven millimetre-wide inflation valve at the bottom. (Metro)

You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on this thread (scroll down until you see the “LEAVE A REPLY” box).
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, March 10, 2020.

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

Encased in suffocating latex, the men’s testicles eventually ballooned to fill the trousers’ voluminous sacs.

For the winner of our last Caption Contest, go here.

~Eowyn

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Michael Bloomberg and Iranian demonstrate how to spread coronavirus and other germs

(1) Michael Bloomberg

Hard to believe this imbecile actually was mayor of New York City. Can you imagine Michael Bloomberg in the White House?

Thankfully, after spending nearly $1 billion of his $60 billion fortune and winning only one Democratic caucus — in American Samoa — Bloomberg announced this morning he’s dropping out of the 2020 presidential race, giving his endorsement to pedo Joe Biden.

(2) Iranian man:

In the city of Qom, an Islamia religious center that is the epicenter of COVID-19 (the respiratory disease caused by the latest version of coronavirus, SARS-CoV-2) in Iran, a man licks the shrine so as to catch the coronavirus. Insane.

According to the Iranian government, COVID-19 has killed 92 people amid 2,922 confirmed cases, the highest death toll in the world outside of China. But experts question whether Iran may be under reporting the number of cases it has. (ABC News)

The virus has even sickened top leaders inside Iran’s civilian government and Shiite theocracy, including Iran’s vice president, deputy health ministers, and 10% of its parliament. (National Review)

Meanwhile, President Trump donated his last quarter’s paycheck to combating coronavirus.

See also “Coronavirus precautions you should take from a medical doctor- virologist

~Eowyn

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Demorats are truly ignorant: Former congressional candidate embarrasses herself with tweet about guns

This womyn – Saira Rao – actually ran for a congressional position in Colorado. She lost in the primary.

She thought she’d be clever with her tweet. So clever that she had to delete it.

And these are the type of demorats who want to run our country? Scary.

Posted forever on Twitchy.

DCG

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President Trump appoints VP Pence to lead response to coronavirus, former bartender AOC mad

Of course she is. TDS-infected people never take a break. Especially when the narrative is to take down President Trump with Russia, Russia, Russia Coronavirus.

Spare me your indignation, AOC. You’re a former bartender who runs around pushing climate extremism with absolutely NO background in that area of expertise. Yet she stands in judgment of other people’s credentials.

Hyperbole is all she’s got.

DCG

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Girl, 11, gives birth after being raped by brother, Father of family is illegal alien once deported

The Happy Family: Left: Francisco Javier Gonzalez-Lopez (the illegal once deported alien); Center: Norvin Leonidas Lopez-Cante (the child/sister’s rapist); Right: Lesbia Cante (the abused victim’s mother)
Source: St. Charles, MO police

Three members of a St. Charles, MO family, led by an illegal alien who had previously been deported, were arraigned Feb. 14 on child abuse and endangerment charges after their 11-year old-daughter gave birth to a baby boy in a bathtub at the family’s home

The girl’s 17-year-old brother, Norvin Leonidas Lopez-Cante, is the baby’s father, according to court documents. His father is Francisco Javier Gonzalez-Lopez, the illegal alien.

Police started investigating after Lopez-Cante’s father and mother Lesbia Cante, took the infant to St. Joseph Hospital on Feb. 11. Gonzalez-Lopez told police that someone had dropped the infant off on his front porch. Charging documents said the baby still had the umbilical cord and placenta attached and had a body temperature of just 90 degrees when he was admitted to the hospital emergency room.

Police detectives interviewed Gonzalez-Lopez at his home two days later, where he told police the father of the child was his son, and the mother of the baby was his son’s 11-year-old sister.

Gonzalez-Lopez said he did not know the girl was pregnant or that Lopez-Cante was raping her until she gave birth to the child in their bathtub.

According to court documents, after police read Lopez-Cante his Miranda rights, he told police he had sex with the girl about 100 times but did not know she was pregnant. He said he did not know when he first had sex with her, but said it happened about twice a week.

Lopez-Cante was charged with first-degree statutory rape, statutory sodomy and incest. His bond was set at $25,000, cash-only.

Gonzalez-Lopez was charged with endangering the welfare of a child for his role in the incident. His bond was set at $10,000, cash only. Charging documents said he entered the country illegally and was previously deported.

The girl’s mother, Lesbia Cante, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child. Her bail was initially set at $10,000. On Tuesday, Feb. 18, at her  first court hearing, Cante pleaded not guilty to the charges. The court subsequently increased her bail to $100,000

~ Grif

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