Category Archives: Humor

Southern engineering!


DCG

Monday funnies!

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DCG

Noah’s Problems…

noahs-ark

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said: “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing Along with a few good  humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will Start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no ark. “Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”

government-incompetence

“I needed a building permit.”

“I’ve been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”

“Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”

Noahs_Ark

“When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’msupposed to hire for my building crew.”

“The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.”

“The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.”

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”

“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.”

the-laughing-funny-cat

DCG

Saturday Funny: ‘Take that, Melania!’

moochmichelles-weenieH/t FOTM‘s cs

~Eowyn

Friday Funnies: Map of USA according to Trump & Hillary

There is a cool website called Judgmental Maps, which publishes made-up maps of cities submitted by ordinary people.

Instead of geographical maps that show a city’s streets and landmarks, judgmental maps are completely subjective, arbitrary, decidedly opinionated and therefore, very funny.

Here’s Judgmental Maps‘ “The United States According to Hillary Clinton“:

usa-map-according-to-hillary-clinton

And here’s “The United States According to Donald Trump“:

usa-map-according-to-donald-trump

~Eowyn

Hillary Can’t Get A Crowd Up Anymore

When the gender card no longer raises interest…

Readers, please help us complete the sentence.

Download the free Hillary Electile Disfunction Logo for printing on t-shirts and bumper stickers.

 

Tragedy in Alaska…

Animals that formerly were self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party. They have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This photo is of a black bear in Alaska turned Democrat. 

He’s nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

It is believed that he has become a campground organizer.

Remember: “Black Bears Matter!”

DCG