Category Archives: Humor

About the Nuclear Football

nuclear-football-02

This is the Nuclear Football

It is an attache case with America’s nuclear launch codes, and accompanies the President of the United States everywhere he or she goes. It stands ready to execute the unthinkable at a moment of extreme need. 

nuclear-football-inside

We go about our daily activities thinking little about this menacing object. It is entrusted to the country’s highest officers, and is carefully monitored.

The one potential weakness in the system is the level of authority and responsibility entrusted to any sitting President.

Needless to say that,

of all the most important attributes,
the president must possess…

the most critically important is…

A STEADY HAND

 

hillary_wacko


Things I trust more than Hillary…

DCG

Katy Perry strips naked at a polling station in new parody clip urging fans to vote at US elections

Ain’t feminism grand?

katy-perry1

From Daily Mail: Her boyfriend Orlando Bloom recently attracted headlines when he was photographed paddle boarding in the nude during the couple’s summer getaway. Now Katy Perry appears to be taking a leaf out of her British beau’s book, after stripping naked in a new Funny Or Die video urging fans to vote in the US general election.

In the clip, the 31-year-old singer is seen waking from her slumber sporting patriotic pajamas and messy bed hair, complete with popcorn and a lollipop as she declares: ‘I’ve got some great news: This year, you can look like s*** when you vote.’

Katy, an avid Hillary Clinton supporter, then walks to her polling station, passing other voters in their nightwear as she explains: ‘Yep, I’ve briefly scanned the Constitution, and nowhere does it say that you can’t just roll out of bed and come to the polls in whatever state you woke up in. In the name of democracy, any just-out-of-bed look is A-OK.’

She then proceeds to give examples of what is acceptable, including child’s onesie, hunk in kid’s briefs, that free XL, T-shirt you got from your bank and covered in slime. The I Kissed A Girl Singer then spices things up a notch as she declares: ‘Or, if you’re like me, I sleep naked,’ before ripping away her pajamas to go nude.

katy-perry

With bars protecting her modesty, Katy grins cheekily at the camera as fellow voters gasp and a man behind her drops to the ground in astonishment.  ‘Yep, let those babies loose,’ she booms, before a pair of police officers strolled over, with one cutting in: ‘Alright, ma’am. That’s enough of that.’

‘No, I read the Constitution and I know I have the right to vote naked, she protests, to which the other arresting officer responds: ‘Did you read it, or did you just briefly scan it?’ Katy is then led to a police car, where she finds herself sharing the backseat with a buff and shirtless Joel McHale, who reacts: ‘You too?’  Leaning out of the window, Katy yells to the camera, before being whisked away: ‘Scratch that. Gotta wear clothes. My bad. See you at the polls November 8th.’

katy-perryt

The video was released on Tuesday, and a day earlier, Katy sent out a tweet and a teaser image, declaring that she was hoping to change the world with her clip.

The tweet posted alongside the still read: ‘TOMORROW, I USE MY BODY AS CLICK BAIT TO HELP CHANGE THE WORLD (sic).’

Katy’s picture – which featured the Rise singer standing naked in a polling station with most of her body blurred out – included written text that read: ‘Katy Perry votes naked tomorrow.’

The Dark Horse hitmaker is a very vocal supporter of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Read the rest of the story here.

DCG

Southern engineering!


DCG

Monday funnies!

funny1 funny2 funny3 funny4 funny5

DCG

Noah’s Problems…

noahs-ark

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said: “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing Along with a few good  humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will Start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no ark. “Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”

government-incompetence

“I needed a building permit.”

“I’ve been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”

“Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”

Noahs_Ark

“When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’msupposed to hire for my building crew.”

“The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.”

“The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.”

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”

“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.”

the-laughing-funny-cat

DCG

Saturday Funny: ‘Take that, Melania!’

moochmichelles-weenieH/t FOTM‘s cs

~Eowyn