Category Archives: Humor

Post-Coronavirus Males

~ TD

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

A much-needed distraction: The Cake Server

Enjoy!

DCG

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

Coronavirus Funnies!

In the quintessential American spirit of laughing in the face of a grim crisis….

Lastly, a coronavirus not-funny

~Eowyn

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

Thursday funnies!

DCG

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

Friday funnies & how to de-stress yourself from the Wuhan coronavirus

All of California, the most populous state in the U.S., is now in lockdown, which means 40 million people — especially the elderly, those with existing medical conditions such as diabetes, respiratory and coronary diseases — are told to “shelter in place,” i.e., to stay in their homes, except for going out for “essential” reasons, such as grocery-shopping and medical emergencies.

Whatever you may think of this virus, its effects are real and terrible even for the young.

Below is a harrowing description from a 25-year-old Brit, Connor Reed, who was working in Wuhan, China, when he came down with the demon virus last November, months before the Chinese Communist government told the world about the virus (Daily Mail):

Connor Reed

Day 1 — Monday November 25: I have a cold. I’m sneezing and my eyes are a bit bleary. It isn’t bad enough to keep me off work. I arrived in this country to teach English as a foreign language — but now I’m a manager at a school in Wuhan, the city in central China where I have lived for the past seven months.

I speak Mandarin well, and the job is interesting. My cold shouldn’t be very contagious, so I have no qualms about going to work. And I live alone, so I’m not likely to give it to anyone. There hasn’t been anything in the news here about viruses. I have no cause for concern. It’s just a sniffle….

Day 5: I’m over my cold. It really wasn’t anything.

Day 7: I spoke too soon. I feel dreadful. This is no longer just a cold. I ache all over, my head is thumping, my eyes are burning, my throat is constricted. The cold has travelled down to my chest and I have a hacking cough…. The symptoms hit me this afternoon like a train…. Even getting out of bed hurts. I am propped up on pillows, watching TV and trying not to cough too much because it is painful.

Day 9: …I’ve lost my appetite too.

Day 10: I’m still running a temperature. I’ve finished the quarter-bottle of whisky, and I don’t feel well enough to go out and get any more. It doesn’t matter: I don’t think hot toddies were making much difference.

Day 11: Suddenly, I’m feeling better, physically at least. The flu has lifted….

Day 12: I’ve had a relapse. Just as I thought the flu was getting better, it has come back with a vengeance. My breathing is laboured. Just getting up and going to the bathroom leaves me panting and exhausted. I’m sweating, burning up, dizzy and shivering. The television is on but I can’t make sense of it. This is a nightmare.

By the afternoon, I feel like I am suffocating. I have never been this ill in my life. I can’t take more than sips of air and, when I breathe out, my lungs sound like a paper bag being crumpled up. This isn’t right. I need to see a doctor. But if I call the emergency services, I’ll have to pay for the ambulance call-out myself. That’s going to cost a fortune. I’m ill, but I don’t think I’m dying — am I?

Surely I can survive a taxi journey. I decide to go to Zhongnan University Hospital because there are plenty of foreign doctors there, studying. It isn’t rational but, in my feverish state, I want to see a British doctor. My Mandarin is pretty good, so I have no language problem when I call the taxi. It’s a 20-minute ride. As soon as I get there, a doctor diagnoses pneumonia. So that’s why my lungs are making that noise. I am sent for a battery of tests lasting six hours.

Day 13: I arrived back at my apartment late yesterday evening. The doctor prescribed antibiotics for the pneumonia but I’m reluctant to take them — I’m worried that my body will become resistant to the drugs and, if I ever get really ill and need them, they won’t work. I prefer to beat this with traditional remedies if I can.

It helps, simply knowing that this is pneumonia. I’m only 25 and generally healthy: I tell myself there’s no reason for alarm. I have some Tiger Balm. It’s like Vick’s vapour rub on steroids. I pour some into a bowl of hot water and sit with a towel over my head, inhaling the fumes. I’m going ‘old school’. And I’ve still got the antibiotics in reserve if I need them….

Day 15: All the days are now blurring into one….

Day 17: I am feeling slightly better, but I don’t want to get my hopes up yet. I’ve been here before.

Day 18: My lungs no longer sound like bundles of broken twigs.

Day 19: I am well enough to stagger out of doors to get more Tiger Balm. My nose has cleared enough to smell what my neighbours are cooking, and I think I might have an appetite for the first time in nearly two weeks.

Day 22: I was hoping to be back at work today but no such luck. The pneumonia has gone — but now I ache as if I’ve been run over by a steamroller.My sinuses are agony, and my eardrums feel ready to pop. I know I shouldn’t but I’m massaging my inner ear with cotton buds, trying to take the pain away.

Day 24: Hallelujah! I think I’m better. Who knew flu could be as horrible as that, though?….

Day 36: A tip-off from a friend sends me hurrying to the shops. Apparently, the Chinese officials are concerned about a new virus that is taking hold in the city. There are rumours about a curfew or travel restrictions. I know what this will mean — panic buying in the shops. I need to stock up on essentials before everyone else does.

Day 37: The rumours were right. Everyone is being told to stay indoors. From what I’ve heard, the virus is like a nasty dose of flu that can cause pneumonia. Well, that sounds familiar.

Day 52: A notification from the hospital informs me that I was infected with the Wuhan coronavirus….

Day 67: The whole world has now heard about coronavirus.

As the Wuhan coronavirus pandemic rages on, wreaking inestimable and unprecedented havoc and destruction to the economy and jobs, we each must do our best to protect our immune system. Stress is lethal, because it impairs our immune system — and our immune system must be strong and healthy to better withstand this demon virus. Here are some pointers:

(1) Avoid stress, and if you are under stress, make sure you find ways to calm down and relax. Studies have shown that meditation helps — and PRAYING is a form of meditation.

(2) Eat healthy: When we’re under stress, being human we tend to over-indulge in “comfort” and junk food. Alas, that will just make things worse. So make sure you are eating healthy in these trying times. That means plenty of veggies, fruits, whole grains and lean meat. And go easy on the alcohol. Your body will thank you, and you’ll also feel healthier, cleaner, and stronger.

(3) Exercise: Some of us are ordered to “shelter in place,” which means going to the gym is a no-no. So exercise in the outdoors: walking, running, bicycling….

(4) Sleep: Studies have shown that sleep deficit can be deadly. See “Sleepless in America: Health dangers of less than 8 hr/night sleep”.

Here are some funnies to de-stress and enhance our immune system!

And the best for last.

I guarantee you will LOL. 😀

For more coronavirus funnies, see:

~Eowyn

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

I said I wasn’t going to post but…these made me chuckle!

Especially the last one…

DCG

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

The ‘Poor Bloke’ Caption Contest

This Caption Contest is now closed.

—————————————————————————–

This is the 221st world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic:

You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on this thread (scroll down until you see the “LEAVE A REPLY” box).
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, March 24, 2020.

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

Bernie lookalike: “Hey, maybe the DNC would give me a free lakefront home like they did for Bernie in 2016!”

For the winners of our last Caption Contest, click here.

~Eowyn

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

We have three winners!

The writers of FOTM voted for what each considered to be the best (#1) and second-best (#2) captions. Each #1 vote is worth 4 points; a #2 vote is worth 2 points. Only two points separated the winner from the runner-up!

There were so many really clever caption submissions, which is why we have an unprecedented triple winners for this caption contest. 😀

And the winners of the 220th FOTM Caption Contest, each with 8 points, are . . .

Brane Frees, Larry and Lola!

Here are the winning captions:

Brane Frees: “You gotta be half nuts to wear an outfit like this.”
Larry: “When viagra goes wrong”
Lola: “This is a Testes of the Emergency Bad Fashion Broadcast System.”

Note: Brane Frees (what a clever alias/handle!) received one #1 vote and two #2 votes; Larry and Lola each received two #1 votes.

Captain America is in 2nd place with one #1 vote and 4 points. Here is his caption:

“Depends Millennials”. For all the young poopy-pants out there.

Amanda, Jackie Puppet, Jim and truckjunkie are in 3rd place, each with one #2 vote and 2 points. Here are their captions:

Amanda: “Hey Bill, where’s the zipper?
Just use the pants Henry. That’s what I did.”

Jackie Puppet: “Elephantiasis of the balls!”

Jim: “Now let them talk about manspreading.”

truckjunkie: “Hey, I know it looks dorky, but I only have to find a Men’s Room once a week.”

WELL DONE, EVERYONE!

Congratulations, Brane Frees, Larry, and Lola!!!

For all the other caption submissions, go here.

Be here later today for our next, very exciting Caption Contest! 😀

~Eowyn

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

Wuhan Coronavirus Madness and Funnies!

Madness or Funny? You decide!


In the Iranian city of Qom, a Muslim cleric named Ayatollah Tabrizian denounced Western medicine and suggested alternative methods to combat the Wuhan virus-induced COVID-19 respiratory disease.

Along with combing your hair thoroughly, consuming copious amounts of brown sugar, burning wild rue, and  inhaling snuff, Ayatollah Tabrizian suggested the novel technique of smearing violet leaf oil on one’s anus. He posted this on the social messaging service Telegram (source: The New Arab):

“Before bedtime, drench some cotton in violet oil and apply onto your anus”

In India, a Hindu group hosted a cow-urine drinking party on Saturday to ward off the Wuhan virus in the belief that cow pee has magical medicinal properties because Hindus consider cows to be sacred. (Daily Mail)

Meanwhile, in the United States, last Thursday afternoon (March 12) in a jam-packed Sam’s Club of panicked shoppers in metro Atlanta, Georgia, a fight broke out when a man in a motorized shopping cart bumped into the cart pushed by a man and woman.

Motorized-man and cart-man grabbed wine bottles and began hitting each other, which ended in one man being wheeled out of the store on a stretcher. (AJC)

I suggest you lower your volume before clicking on the video below.

On Saturday, March 14, in Oregon, the Newport Police Department asked the public not to call 9-1-1 because they ran out of toilet paper. Below is the Newport PD’s post on Facebook:

It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.
In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue. Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used. Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal. Then, of course, there are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now. Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will even tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin.
Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

Meanwhile, back in Iran, the epicenter of the pandemic in the Middle East, yesterday the government reported 113 new Wuhan coronavirus deaths, the country’s biggest single-day jump in fatalities since the outbreak began, bringing the death toll to 724, and confirmed COVID-19 cases to nearly 14,000. There are reasons to suspect the actual number of infections in Iran is much higher.

But as countries across Europe, the latest being Germany, close their borders to contain the Wuhan virus, President Hassan Rouhani of Iran ruled out a general quarantine and said the government was working to keep open the country’s borders. (Fox News)

~Eowyn

Drudge Report has gone to the dark side. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by a military veteran!

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0
 

Sunday funnies!

DCG

Please follow and like us:
error131
Tweet 20
fb-share-icon20

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0 0