Category Archives: Humor

Thursday Funnies: Lost in translation

Note: The correct English translations are provided (between “” marks) in some cases. If you know the correct translations for the other signs, please let us know in a comment!

The sign in English is is an accurate translation, which leads to this question: What is Pig World?

“Toilets are in the rear”

“One-time use items”

The translation is correct. What an eloquent poetic plea, instead of the standard “Don’t Step on Grass”.

Another quaint alternative to “Don’t Step on Grass”: “The small grass shyly smiles: Please don’t disturb me”

Who would want to eat this? LOL
Correct translation is “Deep fried intestines”

“Please offer your seat to the elderly, young, sick, disabled and pregnant”

“Let us be friends to birds”

“Be careful not to burn your hand”

Would that U.S. hair salons are as honest! LOL

Good grief. What exactly do men do in there?

If only Kentucky Fried Chicken were this honest. LOL

“Please don’t bring in outside food”

Poetic, but not terribly informative. LOL

“Do not move the stone ball in the lion statue’s mouth”

My guess: “If you need assistance with traffic lights, use the emergency phone to contact us”

“For a proper service, please turn on the suction pump when using the shower. Thank you” 

“There is a problem. Please do not use”

All I know is I don’t want to shop here. LOL

“If you do not comply with this swimming pool’s regulations, you will be asked to leave”

Gender discrimination! What about adulterer meat and veggies? LOL

My estimate is that the fish is dead. LOL

Just the thing when there is a fire. LOL

For atheists only. 

Source: BabaMail

~Eowyn

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Wednesday funnies!

h/t Cloyd Rivers Burns

DCG

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Shelter cat put in solitary confinement for repeatedly letting other cats out

Quilty/Photo from Friends4Life.org

What a little rascal…

From Daily Mirror: A cat named Quilty has been sentenced to solitary confinement for continually letting other cats out of their enclosures at his shelter after multiple warnings failed to curb the problem.

The serial offender was caught by staff at Friends For Life Animal Rescue and Adoption Organization jail-breaking other felines out of the senior room ‘repeatedly, several times a day’.

Quilty also has a chequered past of consistent offending, after staff at the shelter in Houston discovered he used to let his dog sibling into the house at his old home.

After an online campaign was launched to #FreeQuilty, the shelter said that his review with the parole board had failed but he ‘released himself’ anyway, before being returned to solitary.

The shelter said: “Quilty will not be contained. And he has no shame. Quilty loves to let cats out of the senior room. Repeatedly. Several times a day. We have since Quilty-proofed the cat room, while he took a brief hiatus in the lobby.

Photo from Facebook

“His roommates missed him while he was banished to the lobby. They enjoyed their nighttime escapades around the shelter.

“The staff, however, did not miss the morning cat wrangling, so we’ll just have to agree to disagree there.”

The shelter continued to post updates in a brilliant thread as Quilty tried, and failed, to escape through a window and a video showed the ‘spicy a-hole’ being marched back to his holding cell after he got out and crashed a staff meeting.

Quilty is still looking for a home and although he’s unsure about small children his bio reads: “I do know that I like to open closed doors. When I see one it challenges me, and I work hard to get it open and I’m usually successful.”

His fans were confident he would find a forever home soon.

One wrote: “Will Quilty let our dogs out for us at night? And would he let them back in? We might need him in our lives…”

Another replied: “I need Quilty! He will love my house! We have an open door policy (except to the outside) so he can go anywhere he wants!”

DCG

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Monday Funnies!

~Eowyn

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Saturday Funnies!

A Democrat Dies and Meets St. Peter  

While walking down the street one day, a Democrat is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, we want to honor your free will. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

And with that St. Peter escorts the Democrat to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and the Democrat finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends. Everyone is very happy and in fancy evening dress. They run to greet and hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had. They dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy and has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

The Demcrat is having such a good time that before he realizes, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens where St. Peter is waiting for him.

St. Peter says, “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” The Democrat joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Democrat reflects for a minute, then answers, “Well, I would never have thought it. I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorts the Democrat to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors of the elevator opens. The Democrat finds himself in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash. The Devil comes over to the Democrat and lays an arm on his neck.

“I don’t understand,” the Democrat stammers. “Yesterday I was here and there was a great golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a good time. Now all there is is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looks at him, smiles, and says, “Of course! Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!”

~Eowyn

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“Epstein didn’t kill himself” printed on California brewery’s beer cans

Fox26 Photo

Ha! I may have to buy some of this just for kicks.

From NY Post: A California beer maker is selling a special, limited batch with “EPSTEIN DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF” printed on the bottom of its cans.

Tactical Ops Brewing started printing the special message Wednesday on the blue cans for the Freso-based firm’s Basher Oatmeal Stout.

Manager Carlos Tovar told Fox 26 that he got the idea about a week ago — which would have been when famed pathologist Dr. Michael Baden made international headlines by insisting Epstein’s autopsy “points toward homicide rather than suicide.”

Tovar said the Epstein conspiracies are “a big thing right now” — with his beer-can phrase exactly the same words as a former Navy SEAL blurted out at the end of an unrelated TV interview, making him go viral.

The company joked on its Facebook page that the boss’s dabbling in the conspiracy may see employees meeting the same shady endings.

“Tovar has sooooo got us all suicided. Lie and say nice things at our funerals,” the firm joked.

Only one batch — about 54 packs — will be made, the brewery told Fox 26.

Despite the latest uproar over Epstein’s death in his Manhattan lockup in August, New York’s chief medical examiner stood by her office’s ruling that the pedophile committed suicide. “We stand by the determination,” Dr. Barbara Sampson said.

DCG

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Thursday funny!

Courtesy of The Babylon Bee.

I love the possible “modifications!”

DCG

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The Nose Knows Caption Contest

This Caption Contest is now closed

—————————————————————————-

This is the 212th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic:

You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on this thread (scroll down until you see the “LEAVE A REPLY” box).
  • The winner of the Caption Contest will get a gorgeous Award Certificate of Excellence and a year’s free subscription to FOTM:D
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, November 12, 2019.

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

Thinking of running again for the presidency, Hillary Clinton picks her cabinet members.

For the winner of our last Caption Contest, go here.

~Eowyn

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We have a winner!

The writers of FOTM voted for what each considered to be the best (#1) and second-best (#2) captions. Each #1 vote is worth 4 points; a #2 vote is worth 2 points.

And the winner of the 211th FOTM Caption Contest, with two #1 votes and two #2 votes, totaling 12 points, is . . .

Jackie Puppet!

Here is the winning caption:

These boots aren’t as comfortable as the red pumps we used to wear!

PvtCharlieSlate and Splitfinger are in 2nd place, each with one #1 vote and one #2 vote, totaling 6 points each. Here are their captions:

PvtCharlieSlate: “For sale: Used Belgian Army rifles – never fired, only dropped once.”

Splitfinger: “Looks like the night of the living dead after they broke into an army surplus”

Edward Keesee, kjf, Paladin, and William are in 3rd place, each with 4 points. William’s caption received two #2 votes; the other each received one #1 vote. Here are their captions:

Edward Keesee: “We are the Special Farces of Belgium!!”

kjf: “Right, left, right o’left,
I don’t know my right from left.
I used to be a high school stud, now I march like Elmer Fud.
Right, left, right o’left,
I don’t know my right from left”

Paladin: “What the USA will look like after AOC is elected President”

William: “Belgian Special Forces. The enemy will die laughing”

danwdurham is in 4th place, with one #2 vote and 2 points. Here is his caption:

Tell me again – which foot is my left foot.

WELL DONE, EVERYONE!

Congratulations, Jackie Puppet!

Here is your super-duper Award of Excellence, all ready for framing!

For all the other Caption submissions, go here.

Be here later today for our next, very exciting Caption Contest!

~Eowyn

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Friday funnies!

DCG

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