Category Archives: Humor

Saturday funnies!

DCG

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Monday Funnies!

. . . and political truth memes.

~Eowyn

Better than Drudge Report. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by ex-military!

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Felon farts marijuana after shooting himself in the testicles

Source: KPRC AM 950

From Fox News.com.com, May 24

A bungling felon from Washington state made a series of blunders when he shot himself in the testicles and tried to hide the weapon — all while storing drugs in his anus, a report said Wednesday.

Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, was carrying a pistol in his front pocket while in his Cashmere, Wash., apartment on April 5 when the firearm accidentally discharged and pierced his groin and thigh, according to the Wenatchee World News.

Wilson, who is a 13-time convicted felon, told his girlfriend to dispose of the weapon before heading to the hospital, the paper said.

When the ex-con finally went to the hospital, a balloon of marijuana slipped out of his anus while a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound, court records show.

Cops also arrived at the hospital when alerted of the gunshot wound and searched Wilson’s car where they discovered a bag of meth in the blood-stained jeans he was wearing when he shot himself. The officers issued an arrest warrant for Wilson and he turned himself in to police on April 18.

As he was being processed at the Chelan County Regional Justice Center, Wilson was strip-searched and another balloon of marijuana slipped from his anus, the paper said.

While in jail, Wilson made a number of calls to his girlfriend and asked her not to cooperate with investigators working on his case. Authorities were listening in on the calls.

The convicted felon was charged with possession of a firearm, unlawful possession of meth, possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility, and four counts of tampering with a witness.

Wilson was being held on $110,000 bail and is due in court on June 18.

~ Grif

Pic of Wilson added by Dr. Eowyn

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Saturday Animal Funnies!

~Eowyn

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The ‘Biden 2020’ Caption Contest

This is the 201st world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic (h/t Vivian Lee):

You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on this thread (scroll down until you see the “LEAVE A REPLY” box).
  • The winner of the Caption Contest will get a gorgeous Award Certificate of Excellence and a year’s free subscription to FOTM:D
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, June 11, 2019.

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

The official poster for the Biden 2020 presidential campaign: “Giving the screw to America”

For the winner of our last Caption Contest, go here.

~Eowyn

Better than Drudge Report. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by ex-military!

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We have a winner!

. . . for FOTM’s 200th Caption Contest!

The writers of FOTM voted for what each considered to be the best (#1) and second-best (#2) captions. Each #1 vote is worth 4 points; a #2 vote is worth 2 points.

And the winner of the 200th FOTM Caption Contest, with four #1 votes and two #2 votes, totaling a whopping 20 points, is . . .

William!

Here is the winning caption:

Big Clit? You misunderstood, the job requirement is for a degree in English Lit

Silver Surfer is a close second, with three #1 votes and two #2 votes, totaling 16 points. Here’s the caption:

This is how AOC says we can power America under the New Green Deal!

SmKay is in third place, with one #1 vote and 4 points. Here’s the caption:

New politically correct term for someone suffering from Camel Toe

Frank Not Hank, Larry, MoFrappy, and Tom are in fourth place, each with one #2 vote and 2 points. Here are their respective captions:

Frank Not Hank: “My pussy’s more radioactive than Chernobyl”

Larry: “Because that’s about all I have to offer”

MoFrappy: “Is it me or is there something fishy about her energy plan?”

Tom: “What would happen if an employer posted a help wanted ad that said something along the lines of: “Seeking a dynamic woman with big clit energy”? Just askin’”

WELL DONE, EVERYONE!

Congratulations, William!

Here is your super-duper Award of Excellence, all ready for framing!

For all the other caption submissions, go here.

Be here tomorrow for our next, very exciting Caption Contest!

~Eowyn

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Thursday Funnies: Trump Cleans House

Just for fun. Mild mannered President Trump discusses politics with a few libtards. Enjoy! (Note: You may have to activate the sound manually when the video begins.)

😂😂😂 AOC at the end is the best part!#SwampFight #MAGA

Posted by President Trump Fans on Friday, February 22, 2019

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Thieves broke into house, cleaned every room except the kitchen

Someone broke into a house in Marboro, Massachusetts and, instead of stealing, cleaned the house and even left a toilet-paper rose.

CBS Boston WBZ4 reports, May 23, 2019, that Nate Roman, 44, said he returned to his Marlborough home last week with his 5-year-old son and found someone had broken in.

His son was the first to notice the back door was open.

Police told WBZ-TV Roman called them on May 16 to report a breaking and entering. He said he returned home the night before and noticed that someone had been in his house. But nothing was missing. In fact, it looked great. Several rooms in the house were cleaned and a bag of trash was left on the back step.

Roman said: “You could smell the cleaning chemicals. I could tell something was wrong so I started looking around the house, and I found that my bathrooms had been cleaned. I will say the bathrooms were very well done, my son’s room has never looked better, it is now back to its original state.”

Roman thinks a housekeeping service may have gone to the wrong house by mistake. Roman had left the backdoor open. He said: “It was really the roses that really got me thinking that some professional cleaner had accidentally stumbled into my house. If I was going to judge the quality of a toilet paper rose I would call this high quality. The one thing they didn’t do was clean the kitchen which was a little disappointing.”

There were no signs of damage or that anyone had broken in. Police spoke with his neighbors and no one saw anything suspicious, so there are no suspects.

~Eowyn

Better than Drudge Report. Check out Whatfinger News, the Internet’s conservative frontpage founded by ex-military!

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Centuries ago, a cat left its paw prints on a manuscript

Centuries ago, a mischievous cat immortalized itself by leaving its inky paw-prints on a medieval document.

In 2013, while researching in the State Archives of Dubrovnik, Croatia, a doctoral student at the University of Sarajevo, Emir O. Filipović, stumbled upon the paw prints on the pages of a 15th-century book.

Photo by Emir O. Filipović

Filipović describes his discovery:

It is a pleasant and heartwarming experience to see a photo I took receive so much positive attention from so many people in different parts of the globe. It has now been re-blogged, re-tweeted, shared and commented on so many times that I cannot keep track of it all, and the story has been covered in English, Russian, Japanese, Greek, Romanian, French, Hebrew, to name just the ones that I saw.

But why could a simple photo of cat paw prints on a medieval manuscript become so popular on the Internet? Do manuscripts and felines make a good combination, or can this popularity be ascribed to the fact that many contemporary cat owners identify themselves with the unfortunate medieval scribe? ….

My story line follows a simple path: I was doing some research in the Dubrovnik State Archives for my PhD, I came across some pages which were stained with cat paw prints, I took a few photos of this (as I do whenever I notice something interesting or unusual on any old book I’m reading), and carried on with my work not paying too much attention to something which at that time could essentially be only a distraction….

[A] truly positive aspect of the story, beside the obvious worldwide promotion of the State Archives of Dubrovnik, is that the document with the paw prints is going to be featured in the Interactive Album of Medieval Paleography, which is maintained by Dr. Marjorie Burghart in Lyon, France. This will, hopefully, allow students and other medieval historians to familiarize themselves with the kind of documents which I have been working on during these last couple of years. Apart from that, another advantage of the photo is that I got an opportunity to share the other interesting bits and pieces I found in Dubrovnik/Ragusa, a truly remarkable place on the eastern coast of the Adriatic….

The photo of the cat paw prints represents one such situation which forces the historian to take his eyes from the text for a moment, to pause and to recreate in his mind the incident when a cat, presumably owned by the scribe, pounced first on the ink container and then on the book, branding it for the ensuing centuries. You can almost picture the writer shooing the cat in a panicky fashion while trying to remove it from his desk. Despite his best efforts the damage was already complete and there was nothing else he could have done but turn a new leaf and continue his job. In that way this little episode was ‘archived’ in history.

Read the rest of Filipović’s account here.

Dubrovnik, a Croatian city and seaport on the Adriatic Sea with a 2011 population of 42,615, is one of the most prominent tourist destinations in the Mediterranean Sea.

Dubrovnik, Croatia

Emir O. Filipović is now a lecturer in medieval Bosnian history at the University of Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina.

H/t Smithsonian.com

~Eowyn

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Becoming a Weinermobile driver is harder than getting into Harvard

There’s a reason this headline made me laugh…

Excerpts from the NY Post:

“Hotdogger” is an official title for the young men and women who travel the country in giant mobile wieners, spreading the gospel of processed meats (and their employer, Oscar Mayer Foods Corp.). Since 1988, there have been six Wienermobiles consistently on tour, visiting every US state and Canada 12 months a year.

And two hotdoggers — typically one male and one female — are always at the helm.

“It can be easier to get into an Ivy League university than become a hotdogger,” Ed Roland, a senior manager of experiential marketing at Oscar Mayer, told The Post.

He’s not kidding. Applications from soon-to-be-college grads have jumped from 6,000 in 2018 to 7,000 this year — thanks in part, Oscar Mayer reps speculate, to an increase in the Wienermobile’s social-media presence. (YouTube videos of the Wienermobile fleet, posted last summer by Oscar Mayer, have garnered almost 2 million views.)

With just 12 picked each year, that puts the Wienermobile acceptance rate at around 0.17 percent. The acceptance rate for Harvard is 4.6 percent.

Roland says they look for candidates with degrees in marketing, public relations, business or other related fields and anyone with “strong interpersonal skills with people of all ages.” There are numerous interviews and callbacks, and applicants go above and beyond to try to get noticed.

It isn’t exactly a plum gig. The yearlong commitment includes an entry-level salary and a weekly per diem for hotels and meals. (Both the hotdoggers and Oscar Mayer spokespeople declined to share the exact amount.) The schedule demands travel across dozens of states, making around 1,200 stops every year. They get two days off a week and a handful of vacation days for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

Read the whole story here.

DCG
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