British Author: 'We don’t need to be the men our grandfathers were'

The debut author’s study of ‘toxic masculinity’ was uncomfortable to write, but he says it’s fired with hope that clichéd male behaviour can be unlearned.

Pajama Boy Approved

Pajama Boy Approved


The author, Jack Urwin

The author, Jack Urwin


From The Guardian:  When Jack Urwin was nine years old, his father Richard died on their bathroom floor. He’d had a heart attack. This was the first time that the Urwin family had heard of him having heart problems. That was not the case for Richard: his post-mortem revealed significant scar tissue, indicating a previous attack, while weeks later, Jack’s mum found angina medication in the pocket of one of his jackets. He’d known, but never said anything.
Weeks later, Jack won the epithet “funniest pupil” at school. The absurdity of this, he would write a decade later in a Vice article, was that he had never been particularly funny, but a fierce appetite for humour had been born from his father’s death. “After he died, jokes took preference over sincerity in almost any situation,” he wrote, “because the idea of picking at wounds and revealing the fragile human beneath was about the most terrifying thing I could comprehend. It’s a trait I now recognise as one of my father’s greatest flaws, ultimately contributing to his downfall. It’s also an inherent characteristic of so many men.
The article, A Stiff Upper Lip Is Killing British Men went viral online on its publication in 2014. Urwin, then 22, was struck by another absurdity: as hundreds were lauding him as a fresh new voice on gender, as feminist writer Laurie Penny was messaging him about finding an agent and as Irvine Welsh was praising his piece as “fabulous” – he was stuck working a shift in a bar, unable to respond to any of it. Two years on, it is still easy to see why it took off: Urwin’s voice is honest, young, funny and sad. On a poignant, humorous note, his piece ends: “Please: start talking. I don’t want to have to write a whole book about this stuff.”
On the day I meet Jack about his whole book, the Orlando nightclub shootings have happened overnight and the world is still trying to process why the gunman killed 49 people. Fights are breaking out at the Euro 2016 championship in France, with a Russian politician tweeting his support of Russians attacking English fans: “Well done lads, keep it up!” It is a heavy day to be talking about masculinity; he wrinkles his nose when I bring up the news.
You might need some masculinity to fight the Muslim terrorist.

You might need some masculinity to fight the Muslim terrorist.


“We do need to look at how we ascribe meaning to these events,” he says. “That 98% of mass shootings in the US are by men is never mentioned. If 98% of mass shootings were committed by Muslims or black people, there would be uproar! And you don’t see women trashing bars in Marseille.”
man up book
Urwin’s first book, Man Up, is all about what he calls this “toxic masculinity”: the public performance of masculinity that is conditioned into men from birth, the idea that acknowledging weakness is a weakness itself. Boys don’t cry, listen, talk about feelings: every caricature that is mined for advertising and sitcom fodder is rooted in a more sinister truth that produces real problems: like violence, sexism and mental illness. Britain’s “lad culture” – which Urwin defines as “vile, shitting-in-pint-glasses, rape-culture-perpetuating behaviour” – is at its heart one big pantomime, fuelled by the attention of the men involved.
Urwin himself might be mistaken for one of his male performers – tall and with a burly frame that would probably look serious on a rugby pitch – but the personality that goes with it is warm and acutely, almost apologetically self-aware.
“There is something about the male personality that means we are so driven by a mob mentality,” Urwin says. “I remember from school how fascinating it was to see how perfectly intelligent boys could spur each other on.” He reels off a list of “games” he played with other boys: pushing on someone’s chest until they fainted; flicking coins at each other’s knuckles; spraying deodorant up one’s nose; drinking Tabasco sauce. “I wasn’t an idiot. I knew this was stupid behaviour. But I still took part in it. Why? A sense of belonging I think. You don’t want to be the only one in a class of 30 not doing the masculine thing. It makes them perceive you as effeminate or gay.”
He doesn’t buy that this comes down to something innate in his gender – what the British Medical Journal calls “male idiot theory, or “evolutionary neuroandrogenic theory”, which links more testosterone to more aggression. “I have a problem drawing links such as these, as I fear they are all too often used to justify awful behaviour while ignoring the greater issue of how we are brought up and socialised to act,” he says.
How men are socialised to act is a product of history, Urwin argues in Man Up: he traces the concept of masculinity from the birth of “behavioural modernity” 50,000 years ago, up to today’s “lads”, who he thinks were born from a desire to emulate the disappearing working class. One element Urwin returns to frequently is why men don’t talk about their feelings – an attitude he believes was handed down father-to-son from the two world wars. He does not exempt himself from this problem: “My partner says, ‘You literally wrote a book about talking more!’ But when you are writing, there is this level of detachment that you don’t get when talking. You can remove yourself from what you are writing about, almost as if it is fictional.”
This freedom allowed Urwin to share something he had never spoken about before: a period of self-harm when was 13. When his family read the book, there was some unhappiness. “It was very difficult for them knowing I felt able to share that with the whole world but not with them. I agonised over sharing it in the first place, but if it reaches someone who is ashamed about self-harming, I thought it might be a valuable resource. My mum was saying, ‘Why did you never tell us about this? You’ve written a book about being more honest, but you’ve kept a lot of stuff from us.’” He suddenly laughs. “I was fairly certain my family hated me for a while. I still need to do some bridge building.”
As is often reported, there is a huge disparity in suicide rates between genders: men are three times more likely to complete a suicide attempt than women. However, the last Adult Psychiatric Morbidity in England survey found that 7% of women and 4% of men in the UK had attempted suicide, which Urwin believes indicates another problem: “Some research suggests that men use more violent methods, because in that point of absolute despair, this is a way they can claw back some success. If they fail, it is a humiliation. Of all the ways our masculinity is killing us, there is nothing more harrowing than a man feeling successful if he completes his suicide.
As the problems came before, Urwin feels a solution will also be produced from generational change.It is like racism and homophobia – we sort of have to wait for some people to die out. I think some people can be changed, but when you get to middle age, it is very difficult to unlearn everything you’ve always known. But our attitudes to gender and sexuality are a world apart from 50 years ago. We don’t need to be the men our grandfathers were.
serious
While the book is in early days, Urwin is happy about the reception it has received: “It has left me feeling quite optimistic about the future of humanity.” He is thankful that women and feminists have been supportive; Urwin is a vocal feminist and is confounded by the idea that men and feminism are somehow at odds.
feminism
For anyone new to today’s online dialogue, discussions of gender and abuse tend to go hand in hand. But bar a few run-ins with Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs) online, who argue men are now at a disadvantage due to the progress of feminism, Urwin has remained unscathed. When I write about women or gender, I pre-emptively logout of Twitter, I say; Urwin winces. “That is a male privilege,” he says. “For the most part, I don’t have any trouble, even when I support feminism.”
What he is finding troubling is dealing with praise. Men have lauded Man Up as something bold and new, but Urwin is hyper-aware of his female predecessors. “A lot of this has been touched on before but mostly by women. There are lots of ideas that aren’t necessarily new but people are celebrating me for them. It does feel a bit bad.”
He looks grim, then huffs a laugh. “I am not going to argue with it too much though. I want to sell books, on the cynical side of it.”
DCG

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lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago

Ah yes, “self-loathing” is “in”. All men should wish to be women. Strong men should pray for weakness. Maybe the goal is to be submissive? The natural inclination to fight for one’s mate and offspring should be eliminated. After all, women will no longer find that trait appealing and less offspring will be produced. That’s a helpful solution for those who wish to cull the herd. It’s been said too many times that there is much evil afoot today. These subtle attacks on the fabric of life are in many ways more deadly than their wars. The last few years… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  lophatt

Yup, it’s the “modern, progressive” thing to do (like the “Pride Whopper” when hamburgers and LGBTQ-ness have nothing to do with each other) so all trendy people who “get it” must be the most helpless, whining pajama boys creation or be considered so ignorantly troglodytic it should be painful (if not “racist”) by their more socially fashionable, better peers…comment image

Recynd77
3 years ago
Reply to  lophatt

Black Lives Matter has infiltrated Sweden of all places! https://youtu.be/H19gCcV-avI This is clearly…CLEARLY…an organized assault. And did you know that a major funder of BLM is Ben & Jerry’s Foundation? Look at this: https://www.discoverthenetworks.org/printgroupProfile.asp?grpid=7876 This is like termites, chewing away at the infrastructure and leaving just a husk. And obviously it’s not just BLM…but BLM is a good example. These organizations are all infiltrated (if not set up) by Intel…this has been going on for decades, if not an entire generation, at least. (I can provide proof of that, if desired.)

lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

Absolutely. Soros provides major funding as do a number of other “NGO’s” designed for the purpose. That’s what these social engineers do. They do their owner’s bidding disguised as “grassroots movements”. We are supposed to believe that they arose “spontaneously”.
The truth is that they arise as “spontaneously” as Obongo arose. They are right out of Central Planning. So now they are shopping this brand to the European market. The Swedes whole government has openly turned their backs on the populace. Come to think of it, they’ve done that here as well.

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

Um, not to be rude, but do they have any black people in Sweden? (No offense to anyone meant, but if a whole bunch of Americans had to go over there to protest about being neglected and/or mistreated in Sweden that’s really dumb.)

Recynd77
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

If you watch the video, the situation in Sweden is described. In a nutshell, it wasn’t until about 1960 or so any relevant number of blacks migrated to Sweden, and the only slavery that took place in the 1600s, when royalty owned a handful of slaves (like 10 or something).
Dumb? Or is it something else? Did you watch even the first five minutes of the video? It IS in Swedish, but it’s sub-titled.

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

Okay, they have a few… but importing the #BLM ideology like this when it really doesn’t fit there still pretty dumb.

Recynd77
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Well, I’m merely reporting; I didn’t send them over myself.

lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Let me help you “catch up”. Sweden USED to be a white country. Not anymore. It used to be relatively crime free. Not any more. Now it is the rape capitol of Europe. I’m just guessing here, but I think there’s a connection. They have a gaggle of NWO “leaders” who are singing the “we’ve gotta change” song. They are telling the Swedes that they do not and never have had a culture. Their new “culture” is to be BLM or some Arab equivalent. So, given that as the current situation there, it isn’t too surprising to see them import… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  lophatt

But that would be Arab Lives Matter or something similar (although still “white” actually) because they’re still not “black” enough. Now their running around screaming “Muslim Lives Matter” while muslim “migrants” are making Sweden the rape zone of Europe will incite more of a response they don’t want.

Recynd77
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Or, Anon, you could watch the video.

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

Did. #BLM Sweden is Leftist agitation without fertile ground to implant itself (without inciting a crushing counter-reaction, that is) so it can accomplish its destructive ends (creating a mess Leftists can exploit).

lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Obviously, you don’t believe there are blacks in Sweden. We’ll just leave it at that. Feel free, enjoy your fantasy. Bye, bye!

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

P.S. lophatt… There are a heck of lot more muslims in Sweden, but pitching to them would self-defeatingly upset Swedes.

lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Anon, let me try…., again. No one has said that there are not Muslims in Sweden. Quite the opposite. By the same token, no one has said that there are no blacks there, either. I don’t understand what your point is. If there was an “Muslim Lives Matter” (MLM) movement manufactured by TPTB Like the BLM nonsense, I’m sure they’d run adds too. I agree that it is “Leftist” in nature, but I don’t really make those distinctions because they’re just more garbage related to creating a dialectic. The Swede’s government (and the rest of the EU), is openly destroying… Read more »

Recynd77
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Oh, lookie-here, BLM’s in AUSTRALIA, too!
https://youtu.be/Ndu1FqmDjcM

lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago
Reply to  Recynd77

That’s a GREAT video. He obviously “gets it”. He failed to mention that the “Leader of the Free World” had them over for a discussion at the WH. Of course, why not, since they are responsible for establishing them in the first place. Left to their own devices they would simply be burning their own neighborhoods and looting TV’s and whiskey. There are many things about our current state of affairs that I really don’t completely understand. I understand the why’s and how’s, I don’t understand the reactions. Listen to the Aussie’s response to the sniveling little twerp in the… Read more »

Steven Broiles
3 years ago

I’d like to see a gang beat the living daylights out of this a-hole. BEWARE OF ENGLAND: Whatever happens over there always comes over here.

truckjunkie
truckjunkie
3 years ago
Reply to  Steven Broiles

Sorta like CALIFORNIA….

Zorro
Zorro
3 years ago

Young men today seem to be focused on manscaping, while clueless about changing oil and flat tires.

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Zorro

Yup… testosterone, what’s that?

Anonymous
Anonymous
3 years ago

How about for something like this, Urwin? (Things keep up the way they are, the non-masculinist males where you are might need such shortly.)
“British Soldiers Survived after Fighting off 500 Taliban for 54 days,” Daily Mail, 6 Aug 2016
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3727024/Cut-Surrounded-Outnumbered-Just-88-British-soldiers-resigned-defeat-fighting-500-Taliban-54-days-against-odds-Miracle-escape-Rorke-s-Drift-Paras.html

tukulusriantei
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

They should conquer the talibans with love.
/sarc

Txfella
3 years ago

Yet another liberal trying to define liberalism

Dr. Eowyn
Admin
Dr. Eowyn
3 years ago

If it weren’t for real British & American men who fought and died in WWII defeating Nazi Germany and Nazi Japan (like the Germans, Japanese also thought themselves to be a super-race, descendants of their sun goddess Amateratsu), there wouldn’t be a whimp like Jack Urwin spreading his garbage.

Steven Broiles
3 years ago
Reply to  Dr. Eowyn

Again, I say, there are only two choices: The natural intercourse that is the Invention of God, or sodomy, the unnatural and perverted invention of the Devil. And given England’s 400 year plus practice of sodomy in its boarding schools, its politics and its navy, Mr. Unter-Mensch here proves he’s happy to be on the slippery slope down. He is one of Lenin’s useless idiots in the Race to the Bottom! But here’s the other problem: The generation that is coming of age now wasn’t around to see what was previously; Therefore, their memory has nothing to compare the present… Read more »

Zorro
Zorro
3 years ago

Who Would You Rather…? GI Joe or Pajama Boy (aka Ethan Krupp)

Dave
Editor
Dave
3 years ago

Funny he writes this wussified crap as the UK is under assault from the 7th Century illiterate dune monkeys.
If the Brits don’t soon man up for-real, they better plan on learning Arabic.

lophatt
lophatt
3 years ago
Reply to  Dave

Shouldn’t be a problem, their leaders have been speaking Yiddish for years.

Kevin J Lankford
Kevin J Lankford
3 years ago

I hope he understands he is only speaking for himself. The need for real men is getting serious.

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[…] via British Author: ‘We don’t need to be the men our grandfathers were’ — Fellowship of the Mind… […]

SebastianX1/9
3 years ago

Someone’s butt plug has come lose.

Veritas
Veritas
3 years ago

Can Isee a photo of this creature before they put a penis on him?

Joe
Joe
3 years ago

Irwin probably has one redeeming value. He never leaves the toilet seat up. That’s because there is no reason for him to lift it.

Christy
Christy
3 years ago

I am not sure about their lip stiffness, but I would say more than likely it’s a weak spine that’s killing Brittish men.

tukulusriantei
3 years ago

Many people mistaken Jesus as a wimpy, soft speaking, hippy-like person in during His ministry in earth. He was not. He was a carpenter, He cut trees, rolling logs, made furnitures. He rebuked plainly the people who hates and want to kill Him. He was very strong physically, how come some people thinks a weak man could endured those horrible torture, and after that carrying a big log for several miles to execution place without any complain or fainted. Some people will faint just at the sight of spiky whip that torn the Saviour’s back before any whip even touch… Read more »

truckjunkie
truckjunkie
3 years ago
Reply to  tukulusriantei

Anybody who thinks Jesus was ANY sort of a wimp must be going by the various illustrations shown over the years. One problem with pictures,especially from the past,is that they can only portray a superficial view of the subject. No real way to show the depth of concern,the willpower,the inner strength,the dismay,or the optimism of a man;facial expressions can only go so far.

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[…] and proudly proclaiming, “We don’t need to be the men our grandfathers were” ( https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2016/08/08/british-author-we-dont-need-to-be-the-men-our-grandfathe… […]

EmmiCarter
EmmiCarter
3 years ago

Endorsed by that spiteful shrew Laurie Penny. I’ll try to contain my surprise.