Author Archives: Dave

Wednesday Funny

The downside to having a short temper…..

 

Subject:  TEXT TO NEIGHBOR:

TEXT TO NEIGHBOR:

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve got a confession to make.

I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text and
I can’t live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this.

The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home
recently and I know that that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great.  I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.

Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you.

Regards, Richard

NEIGHBOR’S RESPONSE:

Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second Text message from Richard.

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:

Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the damned Auto-Spell Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife”.

Technology, huh? It’ll be the death of us all.

Regards, Richard

-Dave

(H/t: My NB bud Michael)

What Memorial Day is Really All About

unnamed4

I received the following pics a couple of days ago in an email from my brother that was about to depart Phoenix for the flight home after a business trip.

We have all seen the gussied-up, sanitized, homogenized as well as somewhat impersonal photos and videos put out by the various media outlets this time every year, but nothing quite drives it home like seeing this up-close and personal.

I have no idea who this soldier is, but I do know they gave their all for our country.

The caption he posted ahead of the photos was as follows:

Disembarking of a fallen soldier here in Phoenix tonight. Very impressive, Very emotional and Totally American!!! Great reminder of what this weekend and Monday stands for. Have a great Memorial Day!

unnamed (1)

unnamed(2)

 

unnamed3

(h/t: My brother)

-Dave

 

Friday Evening Howler: Hogg Claims Trump is Afraid of Him

Via news.grabian.com:

HOGG: TRUMP ‘SCARED’ OF MY SUPPORT AND THE ‘SUPPORT WE’LL HAVE IN THE MIDTERMS’

‘If you are supported with the NRA, you don’t stand with the kids’

TRANSCRIPT:

COOPER: “We heard from the president shortly after the shooting at your high school, obviously he struck a very different tone than he did today. Back then I talked to you you thought he was heading in the right direction when it came to gun control. What do you think today?”
KASKY: “Well, you know, he was saying some things that implied that he was stepping forward into the right direction for gun safety in this country and then he had a meeting with some NRA officials, a private meeting, and afterwards he came and claimed that the Second Amendment was under siege and he was going to defend it. So as to whether or not the NRA meeting changed his views, that’s kind of up to speculation, but I will tell you that is hopefully the first Russian-funded group he has met with.”
HOGG: “And I would like to say I think it really shows what he’s doing right now proves where his heart and wallet are, and that’s in the exact same place. One of the interesting things I thought Trump brought up was how we don’t talk about mental health yet in one of the most recent spending bills, they had they cut mental health spending for schools by over $25 million. That doesn’t sound like improving the mental health system for schools to me.”
COOPER: “Cameron, when the president was in that meeting with Democrats and Republicans he castigated the Republicans saying you’re scared of the NRA. Do you believe today he showed that he is scared of the NRA?”
KASKY: “I think he is very interested in the money that the NRA will bring him and that the NRA in turn gets from gun manufacturers. You know, the gun — the NRA used to boast itself as being an ‘Average Joe’ coalition of Americans who are trying to protect their Second Amendment rights and now you will see that they are getting a lot of kickbacks from gun manufacturers. So I don’t necessarily think Trump is scared of the NRA, I think Trump is very enamored with the financial support the NRA gives him.”
HOGG: “I think people in the situation that are really scared would be the NRA. This is the first time they had the president and the vice president come out to the annual convention for the NRA. What they are seeing here is, what they are worried because the support we’ve been getting and the support we’ll have in mid-terms. Because like it or not, we don’t care if you are exact or Republican or Democrat, if you are supported with the NRA, you don’t stand with kids you stand with the gun manufacturers and the people making money off this fear and tragedy that is perpetuating itself.”

-End
And I am quite sure Trump is just quaking in his shoes.
Right.
As for the America-hating gun-grabbers ‘support’ in the mid-terms that is going to supposedly result in a massive “blue wave” and sweep commie-libs into the House in droves, I am just not seeing it – not even a little bit.
If anything, this little limp-wristed weenie is going to do more to bring conservatives to the voting booths in November than anything else you can name.
Ya know, when your fifteen minutes are up, they are up.
Just ask Cindy Sheehan.
-Dave
(h/t: Drudge)
Note: I apologize for the screwy formatting, as I just got hit with the Windows 10 Spring Upgrade, and I am still trying to get some things sorted out. What I am seeing in the edit screen is not exactly what is reflected in what you are seeing.
-Dave

For Those Suffering from the Monday Blahs

 

 

-Dave

(h/t: One of my NB buds)

Funny (and Thoughtful) Church Signs

Some of these have been around for a while, but they are still funny and always relevant:

unnamed

unnamed 2unnamed 3

unnamed 4

unnamed 5

unnamed 6

unnamed 7

unnamed 8

unnamed 10

unnamed 11

unnamed 12

-Dave

(h/t: My NB bud Michael)

Friday Funny

Ya just gotta love nurses:

showerbar

-Dave

(h/t my NB bud Michael)

 

Just for Fun

 

Best Christmas Cookie Recipe Ever

Note: This is a regurgitated post from back in 2011 and reposted in 2014, but I figure we have enough new readers to make it worth posting yet again – Dave

Ingredients:

1 cup of water

lemon juice

1 tsp. baking soda

4 large eggs

1 cup of sugar

1 cup nuts

1 tsp. salt

2 cups of dried fruit

1 cup brown sugar

1 bottle Jack Daniels Whiskey

Sample the Jack Daniels to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Jack Daniels again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer…Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar… Beat again.

At this point it’s best to make sure the Jack Daniels is still OK, try another cup…just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor…Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Jack Daniels to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.

Check the Jack Daniels. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.

Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Dack Janiels and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS 😀

-Dave

(h/t: my dear SiL)