A Retiree's Last Trip To The Supermarket

Yesterday I was at my local Kroger buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out
line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant
and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Kroger won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy
things to say.
~Steve~        H/T      Kaiser

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7 years ago

Reblogged this on Loopyloo's and commented:

7 years ago

“ROLLING OVER LAUGHING!!!” sorry, can’t get myself to even add the “f” word…not even in abbreviated form…
yeah, i know…sometimes i “slip” when making comments, here & there, and my only excuse is “…that I’m still human…”
…i “attempt” to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, in everything i DO,,,

7 years ago
Reply to  Steve

“Exactly!” more than we can say for some…like “Obozo!” Supposedly…”educated?”…he has NO EXCUSE! AND, then again, perhaps he is just a “real” puppet! “BRAIN-WASHED”…totally controlled by “others?” forgive me for these next comments…as they are ONLY my own observations, BUT… when I first “seen” him on TV…my first thoughts were, “…OMG! He looks like some form of cyborg!” His “facial” responses, the way he “moves” as he looks around the room while making a speech…ALL “mechanical” in nature…NOT “human-like”…not “natural” As I said, please forgive me, but…this IS the way in which I “view” him! AND then, you “see” the… Read more »

Michael Wilson
7 years ago

This is way too good. Thanks for bringing some laughter to my day.

7 years ago

Yes! 🙂

Trail Dust
7 years ago

I saw it coming, but you still got me. ;-D
~ TD

7 years ago

That was hilarious!

7 years ago

This is hilarious! Really enjoyed reading this and thank you so much for posting! Many, many blessings to you and Merry Christmas…..LOL

7 years ago

winter reruns i remember this true story from either last year or the year before but i remember steve and his weird diet ideas heck it might’ve been 3 years ago but it has been told before

7 years ago

Be careful not to pee on the fire hydrants in the winter.. If a tongue sticks to metal.. Oh, I can’t even think about it… That’ll give you a chill even in July..
But, Kroger’s loss, is someone else’s problem now! Lol

Denise Hisey
7 years ago

I was laughing so hard I almost clicked the LIKE button multiple times!
I am going to reblog this on my blog one day very soon!!!!!
Thanks for the amazing belly laugh!! I can only hope I’m half as creative as you when I get some extra time on my hands! 😉

7 years ago

Very, very funny. Merry Christmas and God bless you and yours.