25 Older Adult Truths

  1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.
  10. Bad decisions make good stories.
  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again
  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
  17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
  20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
  21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
  23. As soon as you find something at the grocery store that you really like, they will either move it or the company will discontinue it.
  24. The driving of all the other people on the road has become markedly worse in the past few years.
  25. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
    Life just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?
    And lastly:
    I was in a Starbucks recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
    I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod with headphones…. and how was your day???
    This is what happens when old people start using technology!!!
    ~Steve~                                        H/T I_Man
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0 responses to “25 Older Adult Truths

  1. Oh my gosh Steve, I laughed my butt off, especially on the Starbucks one. Thanks for posting this, I will pass it on. 😄😄😄😄😄😄 Still laughing!!!

     
  2. That last one about flatulating to the beat of the “music” ….

     
  3. Great Post! This getting old is for the birds! But what’s the alternative?
    My really great regret is the America I grew up in is gone—and the Millenials born after 1980 just don’t have any clue as to what they missed.

     
  4. Steve, this is so hilarious, I am definitely sending it along to others, so they can laugh as hard as I am. And, I love #20, we have one place here (Portland, OR) on I-5, where these jerks always swoop up on the right side to cut off all the patient drivers who got in line and waited. I have started to scoot over to the right, so I am blocking off the swoopers from cutting in. I see that other drivers are following lead. I figure my time is just as valuable as any Swooper. Yet, when I see people who are having a problem making a right turn onto a busy street–I stop and let them in. So, I guess it can be said, I am not always a jerk!

     
  5. Funny stuff! Hey, #15 – why don’t they have lights? And #21, that’s a guy’s rule for sure…

     
    • DCG, can’t explain it, but 21 is such a guys thing. LOL

       
      • Steve’s got that right about guys & their pants! When I was a teenager in the Seattle-Bellevue areas circa 1958-1963, we wore our blue jeans every day, until they were so stiff we could take them off and stand them in the corner. That’s how we knew they were ready for the laundry!
        And no, I don’t do that any longer, not since a few years ago…. Just kidding!

         
  6. As I saw on a T-shirt recently,”Gettin’ Old Ain’t For Sissies”. (The guy wearing it showed signs of surviving a VERY rough “Mature Adulthood”.)

     
  7. #21-just slap ’em on the porch railing once in a while to knock off whatever chunks get stuck to ’em…LOL

     
  8. Awesome! had me laughing so hard I teared up…thank you 🙂

     
  9. LOL – Dayem, that one hit a little close to home. 😉
    -Dave

     

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