You might be a Redneck if…

redneck-engineering-flowchart

Unlike special snowflakes, us cons have a sense of humor. I have no doubt that I will not offend anyone here. Enjoy!

You might be a Redneck if:

  • You ever cut your grass and found a car.
  • Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
  • Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
  • There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.
  • The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
  • You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
  • People hear your car a long time before they see it.
  • Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
  • More than one living relative is named after a southern Civil War general.
  • Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
  • You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
  • You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
  • You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
  • You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
  • You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
  • You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

DCG

30 responses to “You might be a Redneck if…

  1. These are funny!

    Is this really true? – “You ever cut your grass and found a car.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 1st one’s my fav!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. DCG, Where did you get these Stats from?…My Mobile Home? I use SikaFlex, it’s holding my entire trailer together, I highly recommend it! # Ditch the Duct Tape!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. They all seem very logical to me.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I liked all of them but my favorite was the ammo on your mother’s Christmas List!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Reblogged this on kommonsentsjane and commented:

    Reblogged on kommonsentsjane/blogkommonsents.

    Are you a red neck? All in fun.

    kommonsentsjane

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Reminds me of the Redneck 12 Days of Christmas song!

    12 packs of Bud
    11 wrestlin’ tickets
    10 a Copenhagen
    9 years probation
    8 table dancers
    7 packs of Redman 
    6 pack of Spam
    5 flannel shirts
    4 big mud tires
    3 shotgun shells 
    2 huntin’ dogs
    And some parts to a Mustang GT

    Man these aint normal Christmas presents
    No they’re Redneck gifts
    Redneck gifts?
    Yeah like if you buy your wife a pair of earrings that double as fishin’ lures
    Or you can burp the entire chorus to Jingle Bells
    Or if you think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive
    Or if you’ve ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights
    Or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus
    What’s wrong with that?
    I never said there was something wrong with it, it’s hard to beat

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Stephen T. McCarthy

    Some of these were downright hilarious. And that first one really set the tone! Thanks for the morning laugh.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’m definitely an adopted redneck now, after living nearly 20 yrs in Lancaster Co, PA, but cannot relate to any.

    Here are two I CAN relate to; any building four stories or higher, must be a skyscraper. And, a city, is a place where I have to sit still in traffic for eight to ten mins or more (which is actually beginning to happen around here, fml).

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I love it!!! But, you don’t have to be born in the South -United States to be a Redneck, I feel I am a redneck ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Thanks for posting this DCG. I love Jeff Foxworthy. BTY, he is a committed Christian who volunteers to conduct a bible study class at a local prison. On another note, I mowed my lawn this morning and found Atlantis!

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Love it 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Great list, funny! #2 re stereo speakers from a drive-in is my fave, but wife’s “beehive” hairdo, & “Moon Pies” are also LOL, as are flowers in a toilet in the front yard.

    One Foxworthy joke that “used to” crack me up was his “USETA COULD” routine. 😀

    Redneck: “I used to could (“useta could”) do cartwheels as a kid.”

    Educated Redneck leaves out “used to”: “When I was a kid, I (used to) could do cartwheels.”

    ha!! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Pingback: You might be a Redneck if… — Fellowship of the Minds – NZ Conservative Coalition

  15. Some of the biggest rednecks I have ever known come from upstate New York… I on the otherhand am a Southern Redneck…..

    “Speaking the truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act.” Geo. Orwell

    Liked by 1 person

  16. so….I am definitely some degree of “redneck” b/c I asked for ammo one year for Christmas for my little Henry (and got it…here in CA….w/all the Gov. Brown/Obama anti-2nd ammendment restrictions….THIS is a BIG DEAL CHRISTMAS GIFT….) and….I covered my tail-light on my old 2004 sedan w/red tape when a motorcycle gang backed into it/broke it 2 years ago in a shopping-mall situation….The tape probably cost more than the present value of the car—but hey….it still runs GREAT for me, w/no repairs, and only 60,000 miles……(a Saturn….shot down in the great American Car Company Rescue by Obama b/c the EMPLOYEES owned the company…didn’t “need” rescuing…but DID need to be eliminated as competition in a “capitalistic” system…so that BUICK and other dinosaurs could survive…….). And, my “fridge” is full of condiments …b/c I am of “Pennsylvania Dutch” derivative….we eat mustard for breakfast…..(HA!). I don’t have “catsup/ketchup” as my only condiment on my table….BUT….I think this counts for something: my Great-Aunt Nellie made her own “catsup” every year and bottled it “put it up.” I think that counts for something b/c I used to watch this process while visiting her….and donate appropriate bottles to her process…..

    Liked by 2 people

  17. The redneck word for the day : asinine
    I’d rate her face a four , but her ass-a-nine

    Liked by 3 people

  18. Very funny but just make sure you don’t mock anyone except white people or you would be a racist and go to jail.
    http://www.rense.com/general96/fightinwords.html

    Liked by 3 people

  19. Your crib has expired tags

    Liked by 1 person

  20. You can’t be an authentic redneck if you haven’t had an RC Cola and a Moon Pie.

    LOL – I have lived in Georgia my entire life, and I know these things. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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