Friday funnies!

If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

DCG

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13 responses to “Friday funnies!

  1. The last 2 are for prime time! LOL, the best.

    Curse the day mailmen quit walking USMail up to the former mailboxes AT THE FRONT DOOR!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Pearls of wisdom—especially about the money. Mine always flies away from me!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. What a wonderful treat for this Friday! Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Great! Especially the one about Denny’s.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Pingback: KOMMONSENTSJANE – Friday funnies! — Fellowship of the Minds | kommonsentsjane

  6. Every line a laugh! However, I can’t say much about Denny’s, not many around here. No Red Lobsters, either.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love these. What a nice way to have a chuckle. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LOL – That last one was classic. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Sigh. Some Fridays…these “Friday Funnies” are all I dare to “click” on. Thanks so much for this one 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Jocularity – Father Mulcahy Impressions

    Liked by 1 person

  11. damm marriage couldn’t be that bad…

    Like

  12. Don’t forget about Charlene darling of Mayberry she married to keep Ernest t away

    Like

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