Feminists are Insufferable: ‘I Haven’t Had Sex in Weeks. I Blame Donald Trump.’

misery

From Cosmopolitan Magazine: Have you heard? Donald Trump, the Republican candidate for President of the United States, said he loves to grab women by the pussy. Not entirely unrelated: I’ve never been less horny in my entire life.

I haven’t had sex in weeks. After considering why and how this election is threatening to ruin my previously amicable (even enthusiastic) relationship with sex, I think the problem is twofold. On one hand, the thought of being touched by my husband, a man, after spending day-upon-neverending-day listening to Donald Trump’s sexually assaultive language, is not a pleasant one. On the other, we are both so obsessed with the election that our combined anxiety is killing our sex drives.

Instead of retiring to my boudoir to engage in a garden of sensual delights with my husband (quick missionary followed by a [bubblegum] cigarette), I stay up late into the night, refreshing FiveThirtyEight in hopes that my benevolent/merciless overlord Nate Silver will bring some rest for the weary (in the form of blue states).

“Did you see Trump gained on Hillary in Utah?” I say to my husband who is as far away from me as humanly possible on the other side of our king-size bed (read: almost falling off). I’m lying down and also sweating, probably because I’m about to have a stroke.

“Yeah, I read that on WaPo. Did you see Barron Trump was kicked out of 4H for cyberbullying a cow?”

“That was The Onion. OMG we’ve become those people who share Clickhole articles haha I want to die in a fire,” I respond with a forced laugh. Then we both pop extra Ambien and blessedly slip into darkness, clutching our phones, fully clothed and barricaded by pillows — another night of restlessness and absolutely no sexual congress.

The sex-deprived author, Laura Beck

The sex-deprived author, Laura Beck

Vanessa Marin, a San Francisco-based psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, says this part of what I’m experiencing — the lack of boning via election/impending apocalypse anxiety — isn’t uncommon. “A lot of people are simply sick to their stomachs about the current political climate in the US,” she says. “It’s hard to feel desire when you’re feeling disgusted, scared, nervous, frustrated, or angry.”

While I can’t find a term for this phenomenon, I’m pretty sure the phrase is “I’m-Stuck-in-Hell-So-I-Can’t-Get-It-Up.” It’s the thing that happens to people on shows like Survivor where their nether regions basically shut down because they’re so stressed out by the challenges. That’s me! Even though Hillary is polling ahead right now, I’m plagued by the thought that that sneaky loose cannon could make some weird comeback — he’s been doing it his whole life! Did you see the Frontline documentary?! (You really should; it’s great. Watch it tonight instead of having sex.) And don’t get me started on the down-ballot races! (That’s a phrase I never used before September of this year!) (I know, I’m part of the problem.) I’m so stressed out about making it to the November 8 finish line that I’ve forgotten what an orgasm feels like. There’s no room in my brain for that delicious memory now that it’s filled with statistics of Hillary’s victory margin.

drama

I’m not alone. Friends and family members alike (OK, just friends; I don’t talk to my family about sex) told me they also feel the stress of this election cycle building a wall down the middle of their bed. One lady friend in a long-term relationship said that she wasn’t necessarily opposed to sex, but that she just didn’t have the time between refreshing David Fahrenthold’s Twitter and worrying about all the ways in which we’re all gonna be screwed if Trump wins. Spoiler: It’s not the orgasmic way.

Still others tell me they suffer from another kind of election-related sexual paralysis — one I’ve also experienced: Being so repulsed by Trump’s comments that a self-generated protective cobweb is forming over my vagina.

“Every time I try to get in the mood, I just picture Donald Trump’s face over my boyfriend’s and I want to Hulk smash,” said one friend who was happily married before this election cycle began. A currently single pal shared that she felt her vagina glue itself closed when she read Trump’s comments about Mexicans being rapists; she hasn’t had the time or inclination to DIY-it back open yet. Another married friend said, “When you’re watching Donald Trump say ‘grab them by the pussy’ on repeat, it doesn’t exactly put you in the mood.”

It can be fun to joke about this terrifying election but mainly because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Maybe forever. In reaction to the infamous pussy-grabbing comment and the multiple women who’ve come forward claiming that Donald Trump sexually assaulted them, Kelly Oxford shared her story of sexual assault on Twitter and invited others to do the same. The response she received was overwhelming and devastating.

To be really real for a minute, as a woman, all of this cheering on of sexual violation makes me think about every boy who grabbed me in middle school, every predatory subway fondler, every guy who’s yelled, “nice ass!” before following it up with, “Like I’d ever touch you anyway, fatty!” when I told them to back off. It makes me think of the time I was 18 and so excited to go to a club, and within minutes of being on the dance floor, had a man stuff his fingers in my vagina. I didn’t know what to do and so I just ran away. I love my husband very much and he is truly one of the most decent humans I’ve ever met, but sometimes I look at him during this election, and I want to say, “I love you, but please stay away from me right now.”

It’s not just women who are scared sexless (h/t Carrie Bradshaw, probably). Marin says, in her experience, men are affected too. “A lot of people might stereotypically believe that women are more ‘sensitive’ in general,” she says, “but I haven’t found that to be the case with this particular election. Men’s libidos can be just as sensitive as women’s.

I asked some male friends if their experiences backed up Marin’s assertions. One married man told me that he and his husband had to institute a “no MSNBC after 9 p.m.” rule in order to save their sex lives. They are stronger than I.

Another guy I quizzed about his election-related sex life (I’m fun at parties!) told me that, no, the election hadn’t affected his bedroom dalliances. But, lo and behold, later that night I awoke to a text from him that read:

“I had a sex dream and then it morphed into one in which trump was screaming ’for our country’ and beheading people. Thanks.”

The men affected by this election...

The men whose libido are affected by this election…

Read the rest of the poor womyn’s story here.

DCG

Advertisements

14 responses to “Feminists are Insufferable: ‘I Haven’t Had Sex in Weeks. I Blame Donald Trump.’

  1. Haha nice this was a genuinely good one 👍

    Liked by 4 people

  2. This woman is so looney, it is unfortunate that the liberals have all but shut down mental hospitals. She greatly needs to be in one. What woman of any culture and refinement spouts this kind of dribble to the whole countryside?? You got it! Only one who is certifiably mentally unhinged!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. More evidence that liberalism truly is a mental disorder.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I am fat. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I’m ugly. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I’m too old. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I’m depressed. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I have a headache. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I’m hungry. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I’m full. I don’t feel like having sex
    I hate all my clothes. I don’t feel like having sex.
    I had a bad day at work. I don’t feel like having sex.
    You’re ALWAYS horny. I don’t feel like having sex.

    Crap. Get over it. Have some sex and you won’t even notice all that other stuff. Not havig sex is why you’re having all those emotions. Everything doesn’t have to be wired to your pleasure centers.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sounds like these women are having multiple delusions!

    Like

  6. Good, good. Exactly what we wamt… feminists not having sex and taking lots of prescription drugs. Die, and leave no children in your place, worthless shrews.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think these types of articles are just another form of mind control.
    After reading these articles on occasion at Cosmo and similar mags, I am convinced that they are totally fabricated by lib loons who are trying to form public opinion esp those of young women.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I had to click three times to get here. What a waste of clicks.

    Like

  9. Wait.

    Cosmopolitan magazine is still a thing? I thought tbey went out of business like a decade ago… (0_o)

    Like

  10. What a hoot. Less sex for these leftist is less children spawned. A good thing.
    And for anyone to even write about something so personal deserve to lie alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. “I haven’t had sex in weeks.”
    and to top it off this female is married?
    how disgusting and disrespectful to the union of marriage to put that type of information out there. The world does not need to know what’s going on (or not) behind her bedroom doors.
    The millennials have been brainwashed to think sex is freedom and less privacy equals more security. These sheeple refuse to remove their rose-colored glasses and want to live in a fantasy. I pray for this generation of kids who are being led to the slaughter by their own self-indulgent, blissful ignorance.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I can say this, as a female -what kind of men marry these self-indulgent delusional classless faux-women? (and vice-versa) Evidently they each get what they deserve.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s