Crazy gibberish names Americans give their babies

An email from FOTM‘s maziel:

These are real baby names:

Atiba, Porsha, Quentarius, Ashayla, Lajquan, Deonsyn, Azelia, Dayquan, Christer, Jantezio, Kasman, Nyjerika, dezman, Arentheeus, Jermaeria, DeShawn, Kadarius, Dimitric, Teona, Tytieana, Jhiquarius, Piera, Jamaya, Keyona, Londell, Majical, Juwan, Taeauora, Tatiteus, Lenair, Cabria, Jakera, Jamia, Javylon, Tariq, Akira, Jakovia, Padra, D’Cavion, Keishauna, Taheza, Tasavion, Ye’Cenia, Somya, Shatrella, Sawson, Keyel, Ziykies, Teyah, Dashanna, Maliek, Tenijah, Railee, Royquez, Quetarius.

The craziest baby names were told to me by a nurse, whose patients were the parents.

One named her baby Vagina, pronounced Vajinna (like Virginia).

Another woman named her baby Syphilarius because she was in the public health office and saw a poster on sexually transmitted diseases. She thought “syphilis” sounded pretty and named her baby after the STD.

crazy baby names
Lest you think only Americans inflict ridiculous names on their children, they have them in other countries as well.

As reported by CNN, in 1982, Sweden enacted a Naming law that says: “First names shall not be approved if they can cause offense or can be supposed to cause discomfort for the one using it, or names which for some obvious reason are not suitable as a first name.”

Among the first names rejected by the Swedish government is Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb111163 (pronounced Albin), which had been submitted by a couple in protest of the Naming law. The parents then submitted “A” (also pronounced Albin) as the child’s name. It, too, was rejected.

In New Zealand, the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registration Act of 1995 doesn’t allow people to name their children anything that “might cause offence to a reasonable person; or […] is unreasonably long; or without adequate justification, […] is, includes, or resembles, an official title or rank.”

Among the names rejected by New Zealand’s registrar of births are Stallion, Yeah Detroit, Fish and Chips, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit, Satan and Adolf Hitler.

Denmark has a very strict Law on Personal Names to protect children from having odd names that suit their parents’ fancy. Parents who want to name their child something that isn’t on the government-approved list of 7,000 names, have to get special permission from their local church, and the name is then reviewed by governmental officials. Rejected names include Anus, Pluto and Monkey.

According to BBC News, increasingly parents are giving unusual and even unique names to their children. In the US, in 1950, 5% of parents chose a name for their child that wasn’t in the top 1,000 names. By 2012, that figure had increased to 27%.

As baby names become more a matter of choice rather than tradition, they reveal more about the people doing the choosing, especially their race.

A 2003 study, “Are Emily And Greg More Employable Than Lakisha and Jamal?,” sent nearly 5,000 CVs in response to job advertisements in Chicago and Boston newspapers. The CVs were the same, but half were given fake names that sounded like they belonged to white people, like Emily Walsh or Greg Baker, and the other half were given names that sounded African American, like Lakisha Washington or Jamal Jones. The call-back rate from employers was 50% higher on the “white” names then the “black” names. The effects were noted even for federal contractors with “affirmative action” policies, and companies boasting they were “equal opportunities” employers.

Another study that analysed the scores of some 55,000 children in a school district of Florida found that children with black-sounding and low-income-sounding names tended to have worse school test scores and were less likely to be recommended for the schools’ programme for “gifted” students.


33 responses to “Crazy gibberish names Americans give their babies

  1. The fluoride is working!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I worked in a medical office where the patients first name was baby. A GROWN man went through his whole life with that for his name. He was a very nice man even though his mother was a moron.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I ran into a black woman at a doctor’s office who was named “Clamydia”. She had no idea.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. A friend of mine’s Mother was a delivery nurse and had very interesting stories to tell about baby names. Twin boys were given the names, Lemonjello (pronounced Lemangeilo) and Limejello (pronounced Limeangeilo). The funniest one of all was a baby the was named Sh-thead (pronounced (Shea-Tead). She asked the woman three times if she wanted to change the spelling of the name, until the woman wanted to file a racial complaint against the hospital.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Among the students I had over the years, one was named Queen of Sheba Solom*n, King Dav*d (first name and last) and Franklin Del*no Melend*z. But I think the prize name was Garfield Gutzm*re! (Asterisks added to prevent lawsuits!)
    Among Puerto Rican students I had at Bushwick High School back in the 80’s, I had students with the last name of Forty, Fifty, Sixty (very popular), Seventy (very popular), Eighty, Ninety and Hundred. I am serious: I think these people were named after the numbered groups they were referred to when they entered New York.
    Among Catholic names invented, I can think of only one, Rita, requested by Our Lady Herself. I also understand that the name Wendy didn’t exist until it appeared in “Peter Pan.”

    The 1960’s unleashed a tremendous amount of insanity on the World. And I think for a parent to give her child a grotesque name is a mortal sin. The Catholic rule usually demanded a saint’s name, yet there is no St. Terrel (not yet) or St. Clifford (not yet). Among millenials, Joshua and Jason are very popular. Not my favorites, but definitely better than “Syphilis” or “Diabetes.”

    Interesting aside: Late actor Mickey Rooney once said that “juniors” didn’t go far in life, and he recommended parents against it. As Shakespeare once asked, “What’s in a name?” Go ask Killary, the Klownish Koughing Kween!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Pingback: Crazy gibberish names Americans give their babies — Fellowship of the Minds | kommonsentsjane

  7. Fr. Ripperger video on the importance of naming children after Saints. The entire video on Devotion is great but the naming of children begins at about time stamp 17:00

    Please remember to say prayers for Father and his ministry.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Maybe not gibberish, but these are “white” names now: Calypso and Juniper.
    Last names are big. I guess they’re “gender free.”
    Since people have lost their faith, they no longer feel they need protection. They are more interested in having “unique” names.
    Just another big indication that we’re going the wrong way.
    For a very interesting discussion on names and what they say about you, look up Sharon Lynn Wyeth. She is really amazing. She guests on shows. She is worth listening to. She makes the point that names are really important: Simon to Peter, Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, Jacob to Israel etc.
    Having stupid names limit a child’s choices before they can even be individuals. But another bigger mistake is not to invoke a saint.
    We need all the help we can get.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Sorry–I forgot to make the point that God Himself shows that names are important by taking the trouble to re-name people.
    Also, SLW has some new age ideas, I believe, but in the spirit of “don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater,” consider what she says…esp if you are trying to figure out baby names.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m certain you’ve all seen the video below.

    Personally, I wish I’d have seen it BEFORE choosing the plain ole name of “Dominic” for my son. I’m certain Jackmarius Tacktheratrix would have prevailed.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. And we thought Eddie Murphy making up “my daughters, Monique and Unique” for Beverly Hills Cop II was too silly… today it’s not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My husband knew Eddie Murphy when he was a teenager. He was very funny, even back then. In fact, a lot of the material about his family was/is true. He still owes my husband $117. from a car repair he did for him about 35 year ago.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. LOL – They left out Syphilus’ sister Gonorrhea.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This is an excellent post! I must say it is pitiful that these young, uneducated black women who started the fashion of “unique names” back a number of decades ago, have much to answer for the lack of accomplishment among the children they bring into the world. Then the poor kids don’t know enough to go to court and choose a different name, one that just might get them through the doors to success.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. REALLY! This is beyond horrible all around! How utterly SELFISH of these bozo “parents,” I don’t care if they are black white green yellow red blue or purple! They are 100% IDIOTS to name their kids such pathetic IGNORANT & CRUEL names. SMH. So disgustingly selfish, they are not even THINKING how it will affect the little ones. What RETARDS! What kid needs the extra stress? God help all kids born to IDIOTS!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. My daughter had Y’Majesty and Y’Highness in her high school classes in the past few years.

    We also gave Christmas gifts several years ago to children through the sisters of mercy (giving tree) and the boys’ name I picked off of the tree was Rolex — no joke.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. These names are definitely ridiculous. But why are Lester and Xavier listed here? Those are real names.
    Btw, my buddy and I were watching a college football game about 20 years ago, and one player’s first name was Parenthesis. Unreal, but true.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. My mom was looking at a No Smoking sign as I was born. Sure glad she didn’t come up with Nosmo King!!


    Liked by 1 person

  18. I was hitchhiking through Oklahoma a number of years ago. This guy picked me up and told me that he named his two kids Bam Bam and Pebbles.


  19. There was an engineer that worked at my dad’s company way back when whose name was Harry Butt.

    I kid you not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG, Dave, there is a CHIPS cop who plies the 30 mph streets in our tiny downtown whose name is “Harry Butt.” He esp. likes to nab teachers on their way to school in a 25 mph school zone who are going 30 mph. He is the ex-husband of one of our middle-school teachers who left teaching to become a commercial____________(won’t say, b/c this is getting too identifiable.) Do ya’ THINK he has a grudge, esp when almost ALL the tickets he gives out are in front of his ex-wife’s school? Anyway…we ALL, in this school district, wonder if he’s so rotten mean b/c his mother named him SO stupidly and insensitively. You know, when I was little there were kids in the area with the surname “Duck.” The parents named them “Donald,” and “Mary Rhoda.” Both ended up suicidal. Did you ever?


  20. Wow! I am late to this post. BUT—let me chime in that THIS very thread is a constant (esp. beginning of the school year) discussion amongst teachers. It also appears evident (if you look at test scores, special classes, academic successes, behavior, statistics, through the years) that the parents who name their kids the weird, made-up, names, send kids to school who consistently do NOT achieve. I’ve often wondered about this….esp when, every day, for instance in a very “low” class I had 2 years ago…EVERY KID had a strange name that was strangely spelled, strangely pronounced, EVEN IF you DID follow the spelling. EVERY day for weeks, until I learned the 38 names and their peculiarities of spelling and speech…..the kids were insulted by my pronounciations, and it took me 20 minutes every day during their period, to get through the roll call….even if I took “notes” on these names during the roll call….some of the spellings and pronouncements did JUST NOT COMPUTE. FOR INSTANCE, this year, in one class (just started school ) I have a “Daisaieysha.” Now, phoenetically trained since age 5 or 6, I pronounce this “Day-zhi-E-sha” BUT—the pronounciation, according to this daily-injured child (until I “learn”) is, “Day-zscha.”

    I have come to undertand that parents or, maybe even esp. a single parent, might understand their child’s chances of “breaking through into normal middle America” if they are already starting out from behind….(ie., single parent, teen parent, lower income parent or parents…minority parent….etc). are scarce. They might not have anything “precious” to give this child besides a name that they choose, that will last a lifetime. They try to choose something VERY special that sets the child apart…. This is NOT scientific, but I theorize that they try to choose a very singular and “special” name to follow their child that will make them “special” and noteworthy throughout their school lives….just as these children are special and noteworthy to their parent(s) at birth. Just a theory. What these well-meaning parents don’t realize is that they are stigmatizing their child for an entire LIFETIME, unless the child, at some point, rebells and “chooses” a middle name or nickname that is more “normal.” THIS “choosing” has happened in my classrooms, too, even in the low grades of middle school.


  21. I’m thinking of changing my name to Ironing Board. Iron sounds strong and sometimes I get Bored. I think it has a manly sound to it don’t you? What employer could possibly object to that? Mind you since I’m 72 and retired I probably don’t have to worry too much.


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