Tag Archives: Walmart

Wal-Mart vs. The Morons

Wal-Mart vs. The Morons

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at WalMart Every
hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every
minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St.Patrick’s Day
(March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home
Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart
employs 1.6 million people, is the world’s largest private employer, and most
speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the
world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in
mind they did this in only fifteen years.

8. During this same period, 31
big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food
than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores
in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five
years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences
will occur at Wal-Mart stores. (Earth’s population is approximately 6.5
Billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a
Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the
ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart
to fix the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans
Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!

To President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature
It is
now official that the majority of you are corrupt morons:

a.. The U.S.
Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right
and it is broke.

b.. Social Security was established in 1935. You have
had 74 years to get it right and it is broke.

c.. Fannie Mae was
established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is
broke.

d.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get
it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to
“the poor” and they only want more.

e.. Medicare and Medicaid were
established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are
broke.

f.. Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to
get it right and it is broke.

g.. The Department of Energy was created in
1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to
16,000
employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil
than everbefore. You had 32 years to get it right
and it is an abysmal
failure.

You have FAILED in every “government service” you have shoved
down our throats while overspending our tax dollars.

AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM??
I know what’s wrong. We have lost our minds to “Political Correctness” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone please tell me what’swrong with all the people that run this country!!!!!! We’re “broke” & can’t help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,??????? In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , and Turkey …And now Pakistan ……..previous home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS to say nothing about the handouts to ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!
Our retired seniors living on a ‘fixed income receive no aid nor do they get any breaks
AMERICA: a country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry, elderly going without ‘needed’ meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc,etc.
Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave ‘US’ the same support they give to other countries. Sad isn’t it?
What happened to the old rule, “Charity begins at home”? Another value we have discarded thanks to our elected officials… both parties!

99% of people won’t have the guts to forward this.
I’m one of the 1% — I Just Did

“United Saves America”
H/T  Igor
 ~Steve~

 

 

WalMart Medical Center Cosmetic Surgery. Reason Not To Use.

Warning!!!     Eye Bleach Alert !!!     Warning!!!

What is once seen can never be unseen!

Dear Family and Friends,

Most of you know our friend Kathy went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift at the Wal-Mart Medical Center. She didn’t have the most pleasant experience. She should’ve left well enough alone.
We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this keeps YOU from having this done.

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . Don’t get a Butt Lift at the Wal-Mart Medical Center. You will most certainly regret it!!!

Pass The Bleach.

~Steve~                                                      H/T     Hardnox

It’s a Joke. Don’t Kill Me.

Men Teaching Classes for women

at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By June 30, 2012

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a SEPHORA store  Without Stopping?–Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase– Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

From the Guys in the Witness Protection Program

~Steve~                                   H/T  Grouchy

Warning: Older Men Scam. Hehehehehe.

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.
A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, BJ’s, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen August 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also September 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 22nd, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for$2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

Please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon)

~Steve~                                                H/T  I_Man

Sandra Fluke’s Dilemma is Solved – She Needs to be declared an EPA Wetlands Protected Area

Many of you have likely seen the heart rending testimony of Ms. Sandra Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University, before a Congressional Committee a few weeks ago. She was lamenting that no one would subsidize her birth control expenses, which she claimed would amount to $3000 during her three years in law school.

After watching Ms. Fluke describe her desperate situation I set to thinking of ways to help her out of her crisis.

First, of course I had to pass through the grieving period I experienced after hearing of her inhumane treatment at the hands of the Georgetown administration and our Government � what cruelty lurks in the heart of men that they would leave this poor woman to fend for herself when all she wanted to do was get laid seven times a day (see my analysis below).

Once I recovered from my grief, I set to thinking about ways to help this poor girl. Being a Physicist, I sat down with my calculator and worked through some numbers.

Ms. Fluke’s expense account for birth control (aka sexual entertainment) was claimed to be $3000 for three years at law school. Let’s presume that as an educated woman she wants to be doubly safe and uses both birth control pills to prevent pregnancy and condoms to prevent STD (sexually transmitted disease).

Using the Wal-Mart cost for birth control pills of $9 per month, her birth control pills will cost her $324 for her entire law school career (if you can call it a career � I can think of other names). This leaves only $2676 for her condoms.

I went to Amazon.com, and found quality condoms available for 33 cents each in packages of 60 condoms each. This cost includes tax and shipping. Since she has $2676 for her 33 cent condoms, she will be buying 8109 condoms during her law school “career”�.

To use her 8109 condoms (remember, $3000 was Ms. Fluke’s own number) she would have to have sex 7 times a day. This number presumes that she has sex ten times a day on Sundays when she has more free time.

So, having worked through these numbers, I have some suggestions for Ms. Fluke to help her work through her crisis:

1. Find dates that are gentlemanly enough to either provide their own condoms, or at least split the cost with her. Selection criteria is the key to this one.

2. Spend more time studying. Even seven “quickies” a day will seriously cut into quality study time. This would not only save money but would improve her education as well.

3. Seek funding from the EPA from one of their Wetlands Protection programs surely Ms. Fluke’s nether regions would qualify as wetlands given sex seven times a day.

Just trying to help out a starving student.

By the way, the average starting salary of new Georgetown Law School graduates is $160,000 a year, FYI.

Booth R. Myers, PhD

 H/T Kelleigh

LTG

Husband Down.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.
‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans’ he replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.
‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.’

HUSBAND DOWN!, HUSBAND DOWN!, AISLE 7

~Steve~                                           H/T  I_Man

Top 31 things that you will never hear a Southern boy say.

31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.

30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.

29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won’t fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken

26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

25. You can’t feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We’re vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy..

19. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

8. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

4. I don’t have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY (EVER):

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole busload of us
down to re-elect OBAMA.

~Steve~        H/T  Miss May

 

People of WalMart…

Always give us a good laugh!

Why even bother with the belt?

Outdoor living indeed…

At least they have similar likes!

Hopefully mom picked up some clothes for the kids!

Maybe he thinks women’s underwear would be more attractive?

DCG

Walmart Has Added a Sign to Speed Checkout Service

H/T Kelleigh

~LTG

Need Washing?

A little girl had  been shopping with her Mom in Wal-Mart. She must have been 6 years old, this  beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.


It was pouring  outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much  in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of the WalMart. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed
up their  hurried day.

I am always  mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens  washing away the dirt and dust of the world.  Memories of running,     splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from     the worries of my day.

Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, ‘Mom let’s run through the rain,’ She said.

‘What?’ Mom asked.

‘Let’s run through the rain!’     She repeated.

‘No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,’ Mom  replied.

This young child waited a minute and repeated: ‘Mom, let’s run through the rain..’

“We’ll get soaked if we do.” Mom  said.

“No, we won’t, Mom. That’s not what you said this morning.” the  young girl said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.

“This morning? When  did I say we could run through the rain and not
get wet?”

‘Don’t you  remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ” If  God can get us through this, He can get us through anything!”

The  entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn’t hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a     moment about what she would say.

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was  said. But, this was a moment of affirmation in a young child’s life; a time  when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

“Honey, you are absolutely right!. Let’s run through the rain!    If GOD  let’s us get wet;  well, maybe we just need washing.” Mom said.

Then  off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted     past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked.

They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.   And yes, I did.  I ran. I got wet.   I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions; they can take away your money, and they can take     away your health.  But ,no one can ever take away your precious memories.   So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories  everyday.

To everything there  is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL  TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

H/T  to Shane Cobane, KIRO radio traffic reporter and  the best “Elvis Impersonator” I know! 

~~LTG