This is a true story, first published in the Saskatoon Star-Phoenix.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator from Merlin Motors in Saskatoon for $42,500 (with monthly payments of $560).
Driving the new Lincoln Navigator, equipped with shotguns and accompanied by his dog, the guy and a friend go duck hunting at Tobin Lake in mid-October. This being Saskatchewan, the lake is frozen.
The two guys decide they want to make a natural-looking water area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.
Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse.
Afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse, our two rocket scientists decide on the following course of action:
- They light the 40-second fuse.
- Then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the Navigator, the guns, and the dog? Let’s talk about the dog….
A Black Labrador bred for retrieving — especially good at retrieving things thrown by his owner.
You guessed it: The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite — with the burning 40-second fuse — just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop.
The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming.
One guy panics, grabs the shotgun, and shoots the dog.
But the shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a black Lab.
The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on.
Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking the two men have gone insane. So the dog takes off to find cover — under the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run.
The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog’s rear end. He yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with “I can’t believe this just happened” looks on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered by the policy.
The man had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payment….
In case you are wondering, the dog is okay.
H/t beloved Joseph, who, happily, does not live in Saskatchewan.