Tag Archives: Saint Peter

Pope Benedict XVI to resign

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Pope Benedict XVI announces his resignation in a surprise statement

UPDATE!!!    Pope Benedict XVI will resign on Feb. 28, The Vatican announced Monday, according to the Associated Press.

For more information… http://www.politico.com

Pope Benedict XVI is to resign at the end of this month after nearly eight years as the head of the Catholic Church, saying he is too old to continue at the age of 85.

The unexpected development – the first papal resignation in nearly 600 years – surprised governments, Vatican-watchers and even his closest aides.

The Vatican says it expects a new Pope to be elected before Easter.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope in 2005 after John Paul II’s death.

The BBC’s David Willey in Rome says the move has come as a shock, but in theory, there has never been anything stopping Pope Benedict or any of his predecessors from stepping aside.

Under Canon Law, the only conditions for the validity of such a resignation are that it be made freely and be properly published.

A Vatican spokesman, Father Federico Lombardi, said that even the Pope’s closest aides did not know what he was planning to do and were left “incredulous”. He added that the decision showed “great courage” and “determination”.

Italian Prime Minister Mario Monti is quoted as saying he was “greatly shaken by this unexpected news”.

The brother of the German-born Pope said the pontiff had been advised by his doctor not to take any more transatlantic trips and had been considering stepping down for months.

Talking from his home in Regensburg in Germany, Georg Ratzinger said his brother was having increasing difficulty walking and that his resignation was part of a “natural process”.

He added: “His age is weighing on him. At this age my brother wants more rest.”

‘Incapacity’At 78, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was one of the oldest new popes in history when elected.

He took the helm as one of the fiercest storms the Catholic Church has faced in decades – the scandal of child sex abuse by priests – was breaking.e took the helm as one of the fiercest storms the Catholic Church has faced in decades – the scandal of child sex abuse by priests – was breaking.

n a statement, the pontiff said: “After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry.

“I am well aware that this ministry, due to its essential spiritual nature, must be carried out not only with words and deeds, but no less with prayer and suffering.

“However, in today’s world, subject to so many rapid changes and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith, in order to steer the boat of Saint Peter and proclaim the Gospel, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months, has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognise my incapacity to adequately fulfil the ministry entrusted to me.

“For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome, Successor of Saint Peter, entrusted to me by the cardinals on 19 April 2005, in such a way, that as from 28 February 2013, at 20:00 hours, the See of Rome, the See of Saint Peter, will be vacant and a conclave to elect the new Supreme Pontiff will have to be convoked by those whose competence it is.”

A German government spokesman said he was “moved and touched” by the surprise resignation of the pontiff.

“The German government has the highest respect for the Holy Father, for what he has done, for his contributions over the course of his life to the Catholic Church.

“He has left a very personal signature as a thinker at the head of the Church, and also as a shepherd.”

POPE BENEDICT XVI

  • At 78, one of the oldest new popes in history when elected in 2005
  • Born in Germany in 1927, joined Hitler Youth during WWII and was conscripted as an anti-aircraft gunner but deserted
  • As Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger spent 24 years in charge of Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith – once known as the Holy Office of the Inquisition
  • A theological conservative, with uncompromising views on homosexuality and women priests

Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed,
And Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast,
And we have been administering
An entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to
Pass it before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St.. Peter, sir.
But nobody ever told me about any entrance
Exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard.
Life was a big enough test
As it was.’

St.. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I
Know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:
What two days of the week
Begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God‘s first name?’

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and Says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
Tell me your answers.’

Forrest replied, ‘Well, the First one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?
Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow..’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and
He exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
Have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
For that answer. How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter.

‘How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about
That, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’

Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds
In a year?’

Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s
Got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd… ‘

‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter.
‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
Though that was not quite what I had in mind….but I will have to give
You credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God’s first name’?

‘Sure,’ Forrest replied,
‘it’s Andy.’

‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated
And frustrated St Peter.

‘Ok, I can understand how you
Came up with your answers to my first two questions,
But just how in the
World did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’

‘Shucks, that was the easiest
One of all,’ Forrest replied. ‘I learnt it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.’

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
And said: ‘Run, Forrest, run~

H/T   Grouchy

We’re on a roll with Blonde Jokes.

Three blonde‘s died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.

He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”
St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and wouldn’t let her in.
The second blonde, a Brit, said “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus‘s birth and exchange gifts.”
St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he wouldn’t let her in either.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, “So, tell me.”
She said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder … “
St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.”
Then the blonde continued,

“Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey.”
St. Peter fainted.
~Steve~                                                 H/T  Grouchy

So you thought you had a really bad day.

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”

The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

“Tell me about the day you died?”, he said to the third man in line.

“OK, picture this, I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

~Steve~

Women, You Have To Love Them.

When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said,
“I want the men to make two lines. One line is for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 10,000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves! I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.”
God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”

~Steve~     H/T  May

 

Vote Wisely Or You Never Know

HEAVEN AND HELL

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. 

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” 

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the Senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.  

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. 

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.  

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, then the senator answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

“Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The Devil smiles at him and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted.” 

Vote wisely on November 2, 2010!
(Vote out the trash) 

~Steve~                            H/T I-Man