Tag Archives: Pets

Maybe We Need A Laugh To Keep Us Going.

just to keep our strength up till we find out who, then tear them limb from limb.   :D

———————————————————————————————-

dog_011

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. 
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. 

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”

Some people it’s always half empty.
Try and see it as half full.
~Steve~                                 H/T   FOTM WildBillAlaska

Life, choose wisely.

Life really boils down to 2 questions…

1. Should I get a dog…..?
OR…

2. Should I have children?

 

No matter what situations life throws at you…

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem..

Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You’re laughing aren’t you?
That’s good ’cause my job here is done!

Have a great day and remember to give thanks….

~Steve~                                                   H/T  Da Grouchy Guy.

Little John the Baptist

Matt..18:4-5

“Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”

———————————————————————————————

Johnny‘s Mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with their cat.

He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.

She called out, ” Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!”

Johnny looked up at her and said, “He should have thought about that before he joined my church.”

~Steve~                          H/T  Grouchy.

 

Grouchy’s Caregivers

Again, these are some photos I received before he went to the hospital!  ~LTG

The Talking Centipede

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be much more fun

if he got himself a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a ‘talking centipede‘ (a 100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use as a house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to church with me today to receive blessings?”

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me
and learn about God?”

…..

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ……

This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the  first time! I’m putting my damn shoes on!”

~Steve~     H/T   Miss May

How to give a cat a Pill..ouch

  1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though
    you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
  2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s
    mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be
    patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
    swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
  3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle
    cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat
    as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
  4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to
    pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill
    from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
    Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth
    shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.
  5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up
    half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.
  6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse
    from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
    and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
    with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and
    rub cat’s throat vigorously.
  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to
    buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures
    from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
  8. Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill
    in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
    straw.
  9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to
    take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet
    with cold water and soap.
  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard
    and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert
    spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
    compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt
    away and fetch new one from bedroom.
  12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to
    neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill
    from foil wrap.
  13. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg
    of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat’s mouth
    open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet
    steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill
    down.
  14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor
    stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at
    furniture shop on way home to order new table.
  15. Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in
    the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.
  16. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head
    exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.
  17. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn’t know that cats can jump 5
    feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little
    tighter, making sure its paws can’t come out this time. With fingers at either
    side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his,
    not yours).
  18. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking
    gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.
  19. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water,
    comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.
  20. Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any
    hamsters.
  21. ~Steve~           Insperation from Miss Sage. :       

With age comes wisdom.

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
‘Pick me up.’
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
‘Pick me up.’
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’

The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you.’
‘Pick me up then kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!’
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his pocket.
The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’


He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’

~Steve~                   H/T Joseph

More Crazy Critters

 

See Lenny I told ya this was gonna be fun

I smell a lawsuit.

How long till you guys move out?

 

Yea this looks comfy. Ahhhhhhhh

mrfl mrfl, hey Lenny, That's my damn head your sitting on..get off

What a convenient place to put a dog

Me?..No, It was the Cat

Hey Bob, You may want to have that brake light checked out.

This is my happy face. What of it?

 

~Steve~       H/T      Eowyn”s Friend   Lisa

Don’t Mess With The Old Dogs

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepard exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

 

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says…

“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

~Steve~    H/T  Richard

Today’s Yuck-Yucks With Mucklucks. LOL

Matt..18:4-5

 

     

“Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. “

 

Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with their cat.

 



He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.


She called out, “Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!”


Johnny looked up at her and said, “He should have thought about that before he joined my church.”

 ~Steve~                   H/T  Reverendfun