Tag Archives: Peter

Now This Is a Tear Jerker

 

 

P6x0U

 

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

th_clapping (2)

 

~Steve~

 

 

 

Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed,
And Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast,
And we have been administering
An entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to
Pass it before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St.. Peter, sir.
But nobody ever told me about any entrance
Exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard.
Life was a big enough test
As it was.’

St.. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I
Know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:
What two days of the week
Begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God‘s first name?’

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and Says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
Tell me your answers.’

Forrest replied, ‘Well, the First one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?
Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow..’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and
He exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
Have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
For that answer. How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter.

‘How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about
That, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’

Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds
In a year?’

Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s
Got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd… ‘

‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter.
‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
Though that was not quite what I had in mind….but I will have to give
You credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God’s first name’?

‘Sure,’ Forrest replied,
‘it’s Andy.’

‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated
And frustrated St Peter.

‘Ok, I can understand how you
Came up with your answers to my first two questions,
But just how in the
World did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’

‘Shucks, that was the easiest
One of all,’ Forrest replied. ‘I learnt it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.’

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
And said: ‘Run, Forrest, run~

H/T   Grouchy

We’re on a roll with Blonde Jokes.

Three blonde‘s died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.

He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”
St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and wouldn’t let her in.
The second blonde, a Brit, said “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus‘s birth and exchange gifts.”
St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he wouldn’t let her in either.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, “So, tell me.”
She said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder … “
St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.”
Then the blonde continued,

“Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey.”
St. Peter fainted.
~Steve~                                                 H/T  Grouchy

This is an Incredible story!

 

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,

after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs

and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same Damn elephant. 

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullsh*t stories.

~Steve~     H/T Our Miss May.