Tag Archives: Golf

Don’t Pee On The Golf Course

money

A little old lady was walking down 
the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind 
her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while 
a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a 
policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 
bills falling out of that bag.” “Oh, really? Darn it!” 
said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I 
can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. “Well, now, 
not so fast,” said the cop. Where did you get all that 
money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady.

“You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in 
my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really 
tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 
‘why not make the best of it?” 

“So, now, I stand 
behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my 
hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing 
through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 
O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.” 

“Well, 
that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. 

OK. Good luck!” 

“Oh, by the way, what’s 
in the other bag?” 

“Not everybody 
pays.”

~Steve~                                H/T WildBillAlaska

 

Golf Joke

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golfballs
and sat down next to a beautiful–you guessed it–blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

~Steve~      H/T  LTG friend Charlotte.

Obama Blames Americans for Being Lazy

Obama spent the first two years of his presidency blaming George W. Bush for every and all problems. Now that we’re at the end of the third Obama year, blaming George is no longer a credible excuse. So Skippy has found a new scapegoat — the American people!

Dave Urbanski writes for The Blaze, Nov. 13, 2011:

For the third time in as many months, Obama chided the United States for lack of effort in the competition for business. At the annual Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation meetings in Honolulu Saturday, the president said the U.S. has been “lazy” about attracting new investments to its shores:

“But we’ve been a little bit lazy, I think, over the last couple of decades. We’ve kind of taken for granted — well, people will want to come here and we aren’t out there hungry, selling America and trying to attract new business into America.”

In October, the president told donors in San Francisco that Americans “have lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge and Hoover Dam and unleashed all the potential in this country.”

Obama noted in September that the U.S. had “gotten a little soft’’ when it comes to competing in international markets.

This is the same Obama who isn’t exactly the model of a hard worker, having gone golfing 87 times in less than three years.

The same Obama whom the New York Post describes as having “workdays…[that] end early, often at 4 p.m.”, and who spends his free time conducting vanity searches of himself on the Internet.

The same Obama who has the final vote on, but is delaying approval of the TransCanada Co.’s construction of the $13 billion Keystone XL pipeline because of politics.

The pipeline could produce almost half a million gallons of crude oil a day and generate 20,000 direct jobs and a half-million indirect jobs, as well as injecting hundreds of millions of dollars into local communities. But Democrats, environmental groups, and Hollywood activists have targeted the project during three years of environmental reviews and legislative delays, despite being deemed environmentally sound.

For narcissists, it’s never their fault when things go wrong. Obama blames everyone but himself.

President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk which says: “The buck stops here.” This was meant to indicate that he didn’t ‘pass the buck‘ to anyone else but accepted personal responsibility for the way the country was governed.

Obama’s motto is: “The buck stops there.”

~Eowyn

Ed, Nancy, and Golf

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

“Oh wow! I see,” Ed replied.

He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment.

Deep in serious thought then he added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

~Steve~      H/T   May

Guess what Skippy did today?

Take a wild guess

Two days after S&P downgraded our credit rating, and THE DAY AFTER we lost so many soldiers, this man must have needed to unwind.

Priorities…

DCG

Business as Usual…

Don’t worry, it’s all good…

What do you do when you are the leader of the US, the economy is tanking, and we’re in three wars right now?  Course you spend the weekend golfing! Via Keith Koffler at thewhitehousedossier.com:

Obama Golfs Twice This Weekend – 75th Time as President

President Obama today went golfing for the second time this weekend, an outing that also puts him at the three quarter century mark for total trips to the golf course as president. Obama’s 75 times golfing since Inauguration Day includes 17 outings this year. He made it 13 weekends in a row Saturday with a trip out to the Andrews Air Force Base course.

The president today was at the Fort Belvoir course, taking along a couple of his usual crew of younger staffers but also White House Chief of Staff William Daley.

Wonder if he made it to church?

DCG

Are you surprised?

Respectful

Obama Goes Golfing on Memorial Day

After laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and meeting with US Military families, President Obama headed to the golf course. This is his 12th golf outing this year and the 70th time during his presidency.

The decision to golf on Memorial Day invites comparison with President George W. Bush, who gave up the game early in his presidency and said he did it out of respect for the families of those killed in Iraq.

Any wonder why US military personnel and veterans give Obama low marks?

DCG