Tag Archives: Florida

Sunday Morning Funnies

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Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”

The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from theUniversity of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”

When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”

The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”

The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”

The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”

Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.

~Steve~                          H/T  Wild Bill Alaska

 

State nullification laws threaten feds with felonies on gun controls

by Joel McDurmon on Jan 22, 2013

The Save America Foundation has collected data for the following report:

Texas, Florida, South Carolina, Missouri, Indiana, Tennesee, Oklahoma, North Dakota, New Mexico, Arizona, Alaska and Wyoming have proposed legislation to either jail federal officials who violate the second amendment or to nullify federal laws to control guns within state borders.

Notably, the bills for Missouri and Florida threaten public officials, including federal agents, with felonies and jail time if they attempt to enforce certain federal gun control measures. The Missouri bill reads in part,

“Any official, agent, or employee of the federal government who enforces or attempts to enforce any act, order, law, statute, rule, or regulation of the federal government upon a personal firearm, a firearm accessory, or ammunition that is owned or manufactured commercially or privately in the state of Missouri and that remains exclusively within the borders of the state of Missouri shall be guilty of a class D felony.”

Florida’s likewise:

Any official, agent, or employee of the government of the United States, or employee of a corporation providing services to the government of the United States who enforces or attempts to enforce any act, order, law, statute, rule or regulation of the United States government upon a civilian-owned firearm, a firearm accessory, or  ammunition that is owned, sold, transferred, or manufactured commercially or privately in Florida shall be guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, shall be subject to imprisonment for not less than one   (1) year and one (1) day or more than five (5) years, a fine of not more than five thousand dollars ($5,000.00), or both.

~Steve ~

~

Now we know why they wear those huge baggy pants

Police of Daytona Beach, Florida, are looking for a man who stole 4 pairs of athletic shoes from a Marshalls store by shoving all 8 shoes into his pants.

Click Orlando reports, Nov. 28, 2012:

Daytona Beach police are searching for a man who they say was caught on video stealing four pairs of shoes from Marshalls by shoving them down his pants and walking out of the store.

According to a police report, the man walked into the Marshalls on International Speedway Boulevard on Nov. 11 and put the shoes in his shopping cart.

Daytona Beach police said the man then cut off the security sensors and put the shoes, valued at $160, inside his blue jeans.

Police said the man was walking out of the store when a loss prevention officer approached him. The man pulled the scraper out his pocket, however, and told the officer, “Come on, I’ll stick your a**,” according to the police report.

The man then drove away in a gold Mitsubishi car, police said.

The culprit was described as a black man with a shaven head, goatee and a tattoo on his left forearm, according to police. He was wearing a yellow shirt and blue jeans.

Anyone with information about the man is urged to call police.

To see the security video of the thief in action, click here.

This is a screenshot I took from the video of the split second when the security camera captured the face of the thief.

~Eowyn

Long Distance Demon-Rat Voter Intimidation Underway in Florida

Remember these goons?

No, it does not rise to the level of physical intimidation, but it is clearly designed to suppress republican votes.

Of course, most republicans are not stupid enough to fall for it, and I find it not a little amusing that those perpetrating this obvious fraud think they are.

Via dailycaller.com:

Fla. Republicans receiving fake ineligibility letters aimed at suppressing their vote

Caroline May

Political Reporter

The Florida Department of State’s Division of Elections is investigating a number of fraudulent letters sent to voters in the state questioning their citizenship and voter eligibility, in a possible attempt to keep them home on Election Day.

“The Florida Department of State unequivocally opposes all attempts at voter fraud or intimidation and will pursue every avenue to ensure free, fair and open elections for all eligible voters,” Florida Secretary of State Ken Detzner said in a statement. “Voter fraud and intimidation can deny voters their voice in government and will not be tolerated.”

The statement alerted the public of the fraudulent letters, which claim to be from Florida election officials and imply that the recipient might be ineligible to vote.

Charles Callaghan, a Republican from Ponte Vedra, received one of the fraudulent letters Saturday.

“Basically, when I read the letter, I got the impression that I was not going to be able to vote, because my citizenship was being questioned,” Callaghan told The Daily Caller. “I wasn’t quite sure why it would be, because I was born in the United States, and I’ve always been a United States citizen, and nothing has changed in my life … that would cause my citizenship to be called into question.”

Callaghan noticed that his letter lacked a return address and included faulty contact information and a Seattle, Washington postmark.

You will find the rest of the article here.

The POS and his corrupt sidekick Whale-Squeeze

Clearly the people behind this puny effort are not exactly the brightest bulbs in the chandelier, as they were stoopid enough to send one of their bogus letters to one Mr. Lenny Curry, who just happens to be the chairman of the Florida Republican Party.

The real howler is that the FBI is “investigating.”

LOL – Yeah, we will see just how far that gets.

Pardon me for refraining from holding my breath.

-Dave

(h/t: boortz.com)

Obama knows he’s in trouble in Florida

So nows the time to start buying some votes? Yesterday Frank Luntz said Florida is no longer a swing state.  Luntz told FOX he’d take Florida off swing state list because Romney numbers are so strong there. Knowing Obama’s losing some ground in Florida, what did he do on Friday?

Obama declares 11 Fla. counties disaster areas

Miami Herald: President Obama has declared 11 Florida counties a disaster area for damage sustained during Tropical Storm Isaac. The declaration signed Thursday makes federal funding available to state local governments.

Isaac hit Florida in late August. The Tampa Bay Times reports the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) denied Gov. Rick Scott’s request for funding in September.

FEMA director Craig Fugate, a former director of Florida’s emergency management division, wrote a letter to Scott saying damage was not severe enough to require federal aid, and basically argued that Florida could handle the costs on its own.

Scott moved to appeal the decision. He said the damage was about $10 million worse than originally thought. Damage from Isaac is estimated at 36.6 million. The Times reports it was unclear why the decision was reversed.

The following counties are now eligible for federal funding: Bay, Collier, Escambia, Franklin, Martin, Monroe, Okaloosa, Palm Beach, St. Lucie and Santa Rose counties.

Unclear why the decision was reversed? Could it have something to do with the 29 electoral votes in Florida?

h/t Anon

DCG

Leroy and The Gator

 

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, ‘Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.’

‘No, that’s okay. I don’t want It,’ said Leroy.

The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?’

No thanks, I don’t want it,’ answered Leroy.

The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?’
Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well, Leroy, then what do you want?’

Leroy said, ‘I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!’

~   Steve  ~                                H/T  Grouchy

Breaking News! Judge revokes Zimmerman’s bond

Judge Ken Lester has revoked the bond for George Zimmerman in the Trayvon Martin case. He has given Zimmerman 48 hours to turn himself over to law enforcement.

Get updates at the top and bottom of every hour on 970 WFLA.
For complete coverage, visit 970wfla.com, listen to NewsRadio 970 WFLA on 105.9 FM, or listen online with iHeartRadio

SANFORD, Fla. — A judge on Friday revoked the bond of the neighborhood watch volunteer charged with killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin and ordered him returned to jail within 48 hours.
Circuit Judge Kenneth Lester said that George Zimmerman and his wife, Shellie, misled the court about how much money they had available when his bond was set for $150,000 in April. Prosecutors claim Zimmerman had $135,000 available that had been raised by a website he set up.
Zimmerman’s wife testified at the bond hearing that they had limited funds available since she was a nursing student and Zimmerman wasn’t working.
“He can’t sit back and obtain the benefit of a lower bond based upon those material falsehoods,” Lester said.
Defense attorney Mark O’Mara said the fact that Zimmerman and his wife never used the money for anything indicated “there was no deceit.”
Prosecutor Bernie De la Rionda described the Zimmermans’ testimony as “misleading.”
“This court was led to believe they didn’t have a single penny,” said De la Rionda. “It was misleading and I don’t know what words to use other than it was a blatant lie.”
Prosecutors also said Zimmerman had failed to surrender a second passport, but the judge dismissed that concern as the equivalent of someone who has lost a driver’s license, applies for a new one and then finds the old driver’s license.
Zimmerman is pleading not guilty to second-degree murder and claims self-defense. Zimmerman shot Martin in February during a confrontation at a gated community of townhouses in Sanford, Fla., where Zimmerman lived and where Martin was visiting his father’s fiancee.

Rest of the PUKE STORY HERE.