Tag Archives: family

Difference Between Grandpas And Grandmas.

 

bug20and20granny

Why Grandfathers are different! 

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time — pancakes, ice cream, candy– just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” he asked.

Not really, PaPa, it was boring. We didn’t see a single butthead, queer, lesbian, piece of crap, horse’s ass, socialist left wing Obama lover, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!”

We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw.

I really didn’t have any fun. 

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

~Steve~                       H/T   Ken L.

 

What Makes Grandmas So Smart?

get-attachment      WHAT MAKES GRANDMAS SO SMART?

I was out walking with my grandson. He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth.
I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.
“Why?” my grandson asked.
“Because it’s been on the ground; you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs. Sometimes germs make little boys sick and not feel good,” I replied.
At this point, my grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked: “Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly and said to him, “All Grandmas know stuff. It’s on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Grandma.”
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.
“Oh…I get it!” He beamed. So, if you don’t pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa!”

“Exactly,” I replied with a big smile on my face.
When you’re finished laughing, send this to a Grandma you know!!

~Steve~                       H/T    Eowyn’s Pal  Sol

5 Yr Old’s First Job. Heart-warming!

Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers which will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually, the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there, to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a “pay” envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will, if those schmuck’s at Lowe’s ever deliver the frigging sheet rock…”

Kind of brings a tear to the eye – doesn’t it?

~Steve~                                         H/T     Grouchy

Unique Proposal Gives the Neighbors a Show

She couldn’t possibly say no after a production like this!  Keep an eye for her reaction in the  upper right screen.

~LTG

My Nomination for Father of the Year

He was not my candidate for president; but, in this season of naked political ambition, how wonderful to see a man who truly has family values. 

Grab a tissue for this one!

The Difference between Grandmothers & Grandfathers – very touching

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time — just him and his granddaughter
One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” he asked. “Oh, yes, Pa Pa, it was really wonderful. We didn’t see a single poophead, piece of crap, horse’s arse, blind SOB, dipwad, Muslim goat humper or son of a B….. anywhere we went!”

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

~Steve~               H/T   Dodger Codger.

Feds Using Schools to Track Kids & Families

Back in 1992 under George H.W. Bush and Lamar Alexander’s AMERICA 2000 restructuring of public education, a national system to track individual students, including their infant vaccine records, grades, teacher evaluations, test scores, etc. was specified, probably based on the Florida model that was initiated in 1988.   It was called the Speede Express.  It has continued to grow over the years.  This new story clarifies just how much information the Feds now require schools  to provide.

Buried within the enormous 2009 stimulus bill were provisions encouraging states to develop data systems for collecting copious information on public-school kids. To qualify for stimulus money, states had to agree to build such systems according to federally dictated standards. So all 50 states either now maintain or are capable of maintaining extensive databases on public-school students.

The administration wants this data to include much more than name, address and test scores. According to the National Data Collection Model, the government should collect information on health-care history, family income and family voting status. In its view, public schools offer a golden opportunity to mine reams of data from a captive audience.

The department’s eagerness to get control of all this information is almost palpable. But current federal law prohibits a nationwide student database and strictly limits disclosure of a student’s personal information. So the department has determined that it can overcome the legal obstacles by simply bypassing Congress and essentially rewriting the federal privacy statute.

Read more:

LTG

It’s Little Johnny time.. Uh Oh!!

Not sure, but I think bottom row on left is Johnny

 

Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny’s daddy thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”

So he calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, “Hi, my name is Johnny.”

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, “I bet you ten dollars you’ve got a mole on your butt.”

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, “Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost.”

The teacher says, “Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”

Johnny’s dad laughs and says, “No you didn’t, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he’d see your butt before the day was over.”

~Steve~

Kids say the darndest things

 

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.

Mommy ,’ the little girl asks, ‘how old are you?’

‘Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,’ the mother replied..

‘It’s not polite.’

‘OK’, the little girl says,

‘How much do you weigh?’

‘Now really,’ the mother says,

‘those are personal questions and are really none of your business.’

Undaunted, the little girl asks, ‘Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?’

‘That’s enough questions, young lady! Honestly!’

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

‘ My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,’ the little girl says to her friend.

‘Well,’ says the friend,

‘all you need to do is look at her driver’s license.

It’s like a report card, it has everything on it.’

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

‘I know how old you are. You are 32.’

The mother is surprised and asks,

‘How did you find that out?

‘I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.’

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

‘How in Heaven‘s name did you find that out?’

‘And,’ the little girl says triumphantly,
‘I know why you and daddy got a divorce.’

‘Oh really?’ the mother asks. ‘Why?’

‘Because you got an F in sex.

~Steve~      H/T   Eowyn’s Friend     Sol

 

I want to marry a girl like dear old Dad.

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”

~Steve~