Category Archives: Humor

Friday Funny: What’ll happen to Bruce Jenner’s balls?

1978 Sports Celebrities Awards Party

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Wash. DC – Over the past year a rash of news stories surfaced speculating whether gold-medal winning Olympic decathlete Bruce Jenner, 65, is undergoing a gender transition from male to female. Though Jenner has yet to publicly confirm the story, members of his extended family, including the Kardashian clan, have recently approached various news outlets confirming Jenner’s intention.

Now it appears a number of world leaders have picked up on the story and are wondering aloud “What will happen to Jenner’s balls if he completes the transition?”

Sources this week quoted Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu as suggesting it would be a monumental step if Jenner were to donate his balls to U.S. President Barack Obama. Netanyahu said, “Everyone knows Obama has no balls and it would be damn nice if he suddenly had Olympic sized balls. It would be a huge step forward for world peace. ”

German Chancellor Angela Merkel remarked, ” I don’t even have any balls, but everyone tells me I have a bigger set than Obama. I think it would be a great idea.”

On the other hand, Russian President Vladimir Putin joined Syrian President Bashar Assad in proclaiming that Obama’s lack of balls has finally enabled a number of regimes worldwide a fair chance to consolidate their power. Putin, on a shirtless fly fishing expedition in Kamchatka, said, “The days of U.S. Presidents with big balls like Reagan are over. Now it’s our turn.”

Iranian President Hassan Rouhani remarked earlier in the week that “It’s been great the last six years. It’s like playing soccer against the U.S. with no goalie in their net. ”

While world leaders debate the issue, closer to home New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick and Super Bowl MVP quarterback Tom Brady stepped forward to say they would each donate one ball to the President if Jenner does not come through. Belichick, however, cautioned that “The President would have to understand, our balls would be underinflated, but still probably an improvement over the pair he has.”

H/t FOTM’s maziel

~Eowyn

Finally a Safe Airline

EYE BLEACH WARNING!!!
REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SAFE TO FLY AIRLINES

WELCOME TO TPA … (Terrorist-Proof Airlines)

TPA is in the safe-flying business!

We can absolutely guarantee no walk-on GUNS, KNIVES, SHOE-BOMBS, SUICIDE-BELTS or other weapons will EVER be carried onto our flights!

Book your next flight with TPA … The SAFEST airline in the flying industry!

ATT00001

And if a Muslim sees a naked woman, he is obliged to commit suicide… So you’re perfectly safe with us!

Please forward to your friends! We need passengers!!


Thank you to an un-named friend who emailed this.

 

Thursday Funny: A belated Valentine’s Day message

Prep H Obama

H/t BirtherReport commenter TonyUnplugged

~Éowyn

Words of “wisdom” from film maker Warren Miller

If you are an avid skier, you probably know Warren Miller’s name. Otherwise, you may be scratching your head. Warren’s off the cuff humor, a thing that has helped make him great, is perfectly expressed below. ~ TD


warren_miller

“If you don’t do it this year, you will be one year older when you do.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your thing.” 

“The best thing about skiing backwards is you can see where you’ve been.”

“On the other hand you have different fingers.”

“They say its always darkest before the dawn. So if your going to steal your neighbors newspaper… that’s the time to do it.”

“If your parents didn’t have children, odds are you won’t either”

“Never eat in a restaurant that has a bowling trophy on the cash register.” – Warren Miller


sfun_windowI just couldn’t look at the news today, so this post contains no references to ISIS, Obama, Leftists, Star Chambers, or Illuminati. Time to recharge the spiritual batteries, and come back strong.

Harry Reid dons shades to hide facial bruises

Who exercises on New Year’s Day?

We are told that on January 1, 2015, Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) did just that in his home in Henderson, Nevada, when supposedly an exercise band snapped, sending the 75-year-old crashing into cabinets.

“A piece of equipment Senator Reid was using to exercise broke, causing him to fall and break a number of ribs and bones in his face,” read a statement from his office.

Yesterday (Feb. 24), nearly 2 months after his “workout accident,” Reid appeared at a news conference wearing sunglasses.

Harry Reid in sunglasses

The shades replaced the large bandage Reid’s been using to cover his facial bruises, but as you can see, the bruises are still visible.

Whoa! That must have been some “exercise band”!

In response to reporters asking about his sunglasses, Reid said. “I can see out of my right eye, just not very well. And it hasn’t healed. I have to be very — I have to be a patient, patient.”

In May 2011, Reid dislocated his shoulder, bumped his forehead, and sustained a contusion just below his left eye when he slipped and fell during a morning jog in the rain. Reid was leaning on a wet car near his home in Washington, D.C.’s Ritz-Carlton hotel when he tumbled to the ground. (See “Harry Reid breaks ribs & face in second “exercise” injury in 3 years”)

Below are side-by-side pictures of accident-prone (wink, wink) Reid’s injuries.

↓ Click to enlarge ↓

Harry Reid injuries

Do you believe Harry Reid? Sound off in our poll!

~Éowyn

Wednesday Funny: Dogs who destroy their homes

Some dogs trash the house because they have separation anxiety.

Some dogs trash the house because they like rolling around in garbage.

And then, of course, some dogs trash the house because they are just perverse.

dogsdogs1dogs2dogs3dogs4dogs5dogs6dogs7dogs8dogs9dogs10dogs11

H/t Life With Dogs: and FOTM’s silent reader CSM

~Éowyn

Fly! You fools! GANDALF!!!!!

flyyoufooldgandalf