Category Archives: Humor

About Them 72 Virgins. Something Got Lost In The Translation.

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Abu al-Zarqawi died
( Just In case anyone is forgot, al-Zarqawi was the ass**** who brutally beheaded American civilian Nicholas Berg in Iraq. Nicholas Evan Berg (April 2, 1978 – May 7, 2004) was an American businessman seeking telecommunications work in Iraq after the US invasion of Iraq.

and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, punched him straight in the face and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!”

James Madison followed with a back-hand, kicked him in the nuts and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson was next, and he proceeded to beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled, “It was evil shit like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence, dammit!”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, John Hancock and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist head honcho.

As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Al- Zarqawi wept and said, “This is not what you promised me, Allah! I was promised bliss in Heaven with 72 virgins!”

The Angel replied, “When I told you guys about ‘Allah’, I said specifically that there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”;

~Steve~                     download

Looney imam on those virgins waiting for jihadists in paradise

Conventional knowledge is that Muslim men are spurred to undertake suicidal jihad missions by the promise that they will be met with 72 virgins in paradise.

Thanks to the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI), we have the translation of what a Saudi cleric says about those virgins. (Source: The Blaze)

So if every man gets at least 2 black-eyed virgins in paradise, each of whom comes with 70 servant girls who also are virgins, that means each man gets at least 142 virgins, not 72 virgins.

It gets better if you’re a Muslim man who’s married.

As the looney-tune cleric says, with a blissfully insane smile: “If you get married in this world, then [in paradise], you get your wife from this world, along with 70 black-eyed virgins with whom you are allowed to have sex, and each of these 70 virgins comes with 70 servant girls. So how many women do you get? That’s the minimum.”

Answer: 70 x 70 = 4,900

Truly, Islam is a cult for morons.

Here are the “black-eyed virgins” awaiting jihadists:

72-virgins-photo

H/t my sis-in-law Shireen

~Eowyn

What Their Favorite Movies Reveal About Our Political Leaders

You can tell a lot about a person by the books they read. A person’s choice of books offers a microcosm into the workings of their mind. However, if you really want to know what someone is like, study the movies they watch. Movies play on the emotions, hence a person’s choice in movies is like an X-ray into their heart and soul. With that in mind, here is a list of famous political figures and their favorite movies. Draw your own conclusions.

Jay Carney and Claire Shipman: REDS

Scott Walker: COURAGEOUS

Dan Quayle: FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (No fooling)

Harry Reid: DAMIAN: OMEN II

Ted Cruz: MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON

Dianne Feinstein: BLOODY MAMA

Huma Abedin: KISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN

Anthony Weiner: LITTLE BIG MAN

Joe Biden: LITTLE CAESAR

Elizabeth Warren: POCAHONTAS

Ronald and Nancy Reagan: IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

George and Laura Bush: CLUELESS

Bill and Hilary Clinton: PINOCHIO

Barack and Michael Obama: THE CRYING GAME

What time is it?

It’s time to flush!

Flushing ToiletFlush what?

turd

Oops!

I just called the POS a “turd” — and turds are brown in color.

That makes me a RAAAAACIST! s_shocked-16 s_shocked-15

H/t FOTM’s Wild Bill Alaska

~Eowyn

Fishmonger Fearmonger

The-Fishmonger-Shop

fish·mon·ger

ˈfiSHˌməNGgər,
noun

a person or store that sells fish for food.


fearmongers

fearmonger

Someone who spreads fear, or needlessly raises the alarm.


 

Selling Fish and Selling Fear

Fish?

Yes! I’ll have some haddock today, and some Maine lobster tomorrow. Some baked stuffed shrimp would be a real treat. Or how about a bucket of Chesapeake Bay blue crabs with old bay seasoning?

Fear?

I like mine straight up. Maybe a little Glenn Beck with a dash of Alex Jones. And you can’t beat some good old Honky Racism, a white blood sucker dish with Louis Farrakhan sauce.  And for the more ordinary palette, we can put up a side of Fox Breaking News ALLERT. Now if you feel daring there is also some survivalist hot sauce. Or, how about an appetizer of EMP attack?

Then again… 

Maybe I’ve had enough fish and fear today. Something happier might suit my taste. I know!!!

How about a nice colorful…  

Happy Meal?!!! :D

Have you ever been in Kahoots?

Daffy Duck waiting

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there?

I have, however, been in Sane.

They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there.

I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, work, politics, and Obama.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, when I try too many DIY projects from Home Depot.

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember which one I was in. It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

H/t FOTM’s dee   :D

~Eowyn

And Today We Bring You The Latest On Kim Jong-Un

Yup, Gonna Nuke The White House he says. And in other news…..

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Go ahead. I don't care.  :)

Go ahead. I don’t care. :)

Seoul (AFP) – A top-ranking North Korean military official has threatened a nuclear strike on the White House and Pentagon after accusing Washington of raising military tensions on the Korean peninsula.

The threat came from Hwang Pyong-So, director of the military’s General Political Bureau, during a speech to a large military rally in Pyongyang Sunday on the anniversary of the armistice that ended the 1950-53 Korean War.

Hwang, who holds the rank of vice marshal in the Korean People’s Army, said a recent series of South Korea-US military drills, one of which included the deployment of a nuclear-powered US aircraft carrier, had ramped up tensions.

“If the US imperialists threaten our sovereignty and survival… our troops will fire our nuclear-armed rockets at the White House and the Pentagon — the sources of all evil,” Hwang said in his speech broadcast Monday on state television.

It is not the first time that North Korea’s bellicose rhetoric has included threats of nuclear strikes on the continental United States and US bases in the Pacific.

But most experts believe it is still a long way from developing a viable intercontinental ballistic missile with the required range.

Rest Here!!!

~Steve~

Plumber of the Year Awards – Finalists!

1

How does this even get past the planning stage?

2

What the heck?

3

Hmmmmmm…

4

Should have measured twice!

5

Apparently, you don’t want anyone seeing your face, but everything else is okay?

6

The oak seat is a nice touch!

7

This stall is for people that have arms like an orangutan.

8

Brilliant!

FYI…all of these plumbers are no longer in business. They have sadly been elected to public office and now serve in various positions in the government!

DCG

Welcome to Obama’s Amerika!

Obama picks nose• Our Phones – Wireless
• Cooking – Fireless
• Cars – Keyless
• Food – Fatless
• Clothing – Shameless
• Youth – Jobless
• Relationships – Meaningless
• Attitudes – Careless
• Babies – Fatherless
• Children – Mannerless
• Feelings – Heartless
• Education – Valueless
• Media – Truthless
• Congress – Gutless
• President – Worthless
• Country – Borderless
• America – Godless

I’m scared – shitless

GOD HELP US!

H/t FOTM’s Wild Bill Alaska

~Eowyn

Mystery of Brooklyn Bridge white flag solved!

Last Tuesday (July 22, 2014) morning, it was discovered that someone had removed the American flags atop the Brooklyn Bridge in New York and replaced them with white flags. (See Trail Dust’s post on this here.)

The white flag is an internationally recognized symbol of military surrender. The first mention of the usage of white flags to surrender was made during ancient China’s Eastern Han dynasty (A.D 25–220).

Finally, the identity of the perpetrator of this heinous act has been uncovered by @RudyHavenstein! LOL

Putin_brooklyn_bridgeH/t Activist Post

See also “Did Putin really say that about Obama?

~Eowyn