Category Archives: Humor

Friday funnies!

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DCG

If You’re Going To Drink, Don’t Drive. A PSA From FOTM.

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With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience
with my family & friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some
of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to
time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends.

Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had
several cocktails, followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I
still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That’s when I
did something that I’ve never done before .. I took a cab home!

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it
was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab
before.

I don’t even know where I got it, and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it!!!

~Steve~                                               H/T  Hujonwi

Television: the Drug of the Nation

Aside from an occasional football game, I do not watch television at home. However, once a year I take a one day trip out of town and I use the time in my hotel room to monitor what the nation is watching.

Last year, I stumbled upon Keeping Up With the Kardashians, which I had never seen before. I watched about fifteen minutes of it, and I couldn’t believe the stupidity of it all, and how bad the acting was. Even worse, the actors weren’t playing characters, they were playing themselves. If someone can’t even play themselves realistically, then they really have no talent.

I also spent some time last year watching Disney and Nickelodeon, and I was appalled at the way almost all of their shows subtly, or not so subtly, present sexuality to their young viewers. I also noticed that 90% of the so-called humor on these shows is based on ridicule and humiliation. I shudder at the thought of how many young viewers are losing their innocence and their souls by watching these shows. And how millions of clueless parents are so quick to plop their kids down in front of anything Disney, thinking the brand stands for wholesome entertainment, innocence and purity, when the reality is anything but.

This year, I scanned through a wide swatch of so-called “reality” shows, and they were all awful. I switched to sitcoms and comedy and was amazed at how unfunny they all were. I’m not saying that as some kind of conservative cynic, but as someone who has studied and worked in comedy, and who knows how to make people laugh. None of these shows were funny at all. Not even a sliver. Without their canned laughter, they’re nothing.

All of which begs the question, who watches this crap? And what is going on in their minds?

Obviously, millions of Americans watch this drivel. Not just millions, but tens of millions, hundreds of millions. They can’t all be Obama voters.

And what about the people who make these horrid shows? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I remember when acting was an art, and there was something that existed called talent. Have you ever been to an acting class? I’ve been to plenty. Actors used to be taught by professionals who stressed the importance of the director and the actors working together to serve the script or play. The ultimate goal was to honor God and elevate man. Today that’s all gone. Now it’s all emotion for emotion’s sake, and acting has been turned into a narcissistic display of self-expression. “Look at me!” is all anyone seems to care about, from the writers and directors to the actors to everyone in between.

I’ve heard television called the “boob tube” and the “hypnotist in the corner.” Both are apt descriptions. Consider the word “program.” Television networks are obsessed with “programming.” Viewers tune into their favorite “programs.” Where else does the word “program” appear? Well, in mind control, for one. Mind control subjects are “programmed.”

Perhaps that is what television has become: an ingenious device to dumb down the masses by programming their minds into whatever their handlers want them to believe. Vigilant Citizen and Henry Makow have both written extensively about this. So have many others. Instead of a Roman circus, the public is given an endless parade of talentless driven and told what to think, how to behave, and who to vote for. God help us all.

The Window Washer

Don’t worry. You’ll love the ending!

I promise!  ;)

Note: Smack the Pony is a British sketch comedy show that ran from 1999 until 2003.

H/t FOTM’s dee

~Eowyn

5-Minute Management Course.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel..’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2 :

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 5:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate..
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who poops on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of poop is your friend..
(3) And when you’re in deep poop, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE…

~Steve~                                                                   H/T Joseph

I want this on my Chevy! (just in case)

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Rafael Advanced Defense Systems – Trophy APS For Heavy, Medium & Light Vehicles [720p]

Heck! I want it on my house!

But seriously, I do want this on my car, motorcycle and bicycle, even my walking shoes. You never know when there might be an attack in the early hours of the morning by some looter, or jihadist, or hyper-militarized post office employee. :D

The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways.

Hunting On Sunday

I had everything planned and had told my wife I would not be going to church with her on Sunday.
My wife reminded me that Sunday was the Sabbath Day and hunting a trophy buck should not be part of the Sabbath.

1. I scouted the area all summer.

2. I searched out the best location for my tree-stand.

3. I set it all up a month ahead of time.

4. I trailed the herd.

5. I picked out a trophy buck.

6. Two days before opening day I rechecked every aspect of the hunt.

7. Everything was in place.

8. Sunday morning, I woke up at 2 am.

9. I put on my camo, loaded my pack, set out for my stand.

10. This was destined to be an epic hunt.

11. As I approached my deer stand:

See you in Church Sunday.  :)

See you in Church Sunday.  :)

I called my wife and told her I had decided not to hunt on the Sabbath
and would meet her at church.
The Sunday sermon was entitled “The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways “.

~Steve~                                                              H/T Hujonwi