Category Archives: Humor

Animal GIFs: RX for stress!

cat combs selfgotcha2puppy loves catcool catI wonder if the Godzilla-size dustbunny on the fan is cat hair. LOL


Friday funnies!







“Let me in!” – in Catspeak


Don’t be depressed. Get happy with a new Caption Contest!

This is the 80th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic (h/t Sig94):

Kim Jung-Un

You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on FOTM (scroll down), not via email or on Facebook.
  • The winner of the Caption Contest will get a gorgeous Award Certificate of Excellence and a year’s free subscription to FOTM! :D
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un says “조선민주주의인민공화국” (translation: “I’m better than Obama in every way, including churning out bullshit. North Korea rules!”)

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, August 26, 2014.

For the winner of our last Caption Contest, click here!

Seen any good pics that you think would be great for our Caption Contest? Email them to us! :D


We have a winner!

. . . for FOTM’s 79th Caption Contest!

The caption submissions were exceptionally good for this contest, said at least two of the judges! Happily, we do have a clear winner.

All the FOTM writers dutifully voted, each for his/her #1 and #2 captions. Each #1 vote is worth 3 points; every #2 vote is worth 2 points.

And the winner of the 79th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest, with one #1 vote and four #2 votes, totaling 11 points, is . . . .

Christy!!! Snoopy dance

Here’s her winning caption:

nude lawnmower

Dean Garrison, a good friend of FOTM and owner of the wildly popular The D.C. Clothesline, is in 2nd place, with two #2 votes, totaling 6 points. Here’s his caption:

Rob Ford excels in rehab. He is now mowing grass instead of smoking it.

One of creatively prolific Sig94‘s captions is in 3rd place, with two #2 votes, totaling 4 points:

Ever since the elves were deported by the DHS, Santa is forced to pick up reindeer crap and mow the lawn at his Virginia Beach townhouse all by himself.

In 4th place are K M Meyers, Paul H. Lemmen, renov8, and another Sig94 caption, each with one #1 vote, totaling 3 points each. Here are their respective captions:

Men’s fashion rule #4. Always match your thong with your shoes.

Jim mows the grass, as mandated by his wife, wearing what she found in the glovebox and Jim proclaimed is what all the cool guys are wearing …

Grass, grass, grass….and a wedgie in my ass, ass, ass.

Losing her bet to Huma, Hillary Clinton makes good her pledge to mow Eric Holder’s front lawn, topless.

SNIPPY is in 5th place, with one #2 vote, totaling 2 points. Here’s the caption:

For only an extra $7.99 the New gay male maid service mows your lawn after they spank you and eat all your GMOs…

Well done, everyone!

Congratulations to Christy!

Here is your fancy-schmancy Award Certificate of Great Excellence, all ready for framing! LOL

dancingbanana Carrot Chilli Muffin PurpleBanana Pineapple dancingbanana Carrot Chilli Muffin  Pineapple Strawberry

award certificate1

For all the other caption submissions, click here.

Be here later this morning for our next very exciting Caption Contest!

Seen any good pics that you think would be great for our Caption Contest? Email them to us! :D


How to have sex in the “illegal immigrant position”

There are various sexual intercourse positions, the most familiar of which is the “missionary position.”

Betcha you’ve never heard of or practiced the “illegal alien position”!

hooker & john

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker.

“Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?,” he asks.

“$100,” she replies.

He says, “Do you do illegal immigrant style?”

Not knowing what illegal immigrant style is, the hooker says, “No.”

He: “But I’ll pay you $200 to do illegal immigrant style!”

“No,” she says.

“I pay you $300!”

“No,” she says.

“I pay you $400!”


Finally, the persistent man says, “OK, I pay $1,000 to do illegal immigrant style!!!”

She thinks, “Well, I’ve been in the game for over 10 years now. I’ve had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world. How bad could illegal immigrant style be?”

So she agrees and has sex with him.

Finally, after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to the man and says, “I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was OK. So, what exactly is illegal immigrant style?”

The illegal alien replies, “You send bill to Obama. Then he screw the taxpayers.”

H/t FOTM’s Ken L.


Ghost Sex

It could be a goat.   :)

It could be a goat. :)

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe
in ghosts?’

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’

About 40 students raise their hands.

That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’

Three students raise their hands.

That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor
asks, ‘So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’

Ahmed replied, “Shit, from back there I thought you said “Goats.”

Bye for Now,

~Steve~                                                     H/T  I_Man

The iY generation: I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry…


If you want an understanding of the iY generation (#me!) and their thought processes, one only need visit Tumblr* for a glimpse into the most misguided generation in a long time (unless you are just looking for porn [this is not a link to porn!], then you’ve found the perfect site).

Not only does the iY generation believe they have every world problem solved, they have figured out a new English language to describe their expertise. Here’s proof:


“like I give a blistered bleeding f*ck what the founding fathers would think of the country today. They didn’t f*cking know what a germ is.(This brainiac must have missed biology class.)

“I do think abortion can be an easy choice for some; calling it ‘always difficult’ stigmatizes it further. This is so important for the pro-choice community to understand. If we add this idea that it’s ‘never’ an easy choice, then many will interpret that as there is still something immoral or wrong about having an abortion. And there’s not.”


“People drive cars because they want to. People know you can get into a car accident. People still get medical help when they get into one of those accidents. Just like people will have sex, people will get pregnant and sometimes people will need an abortion. Ffs (for f*cks sake) its not that hard.”

“’I get it. Abortions are not for everybody. They’re like children that way.’ that’s it that’s the whole argument. That’s literally the best way i’ve ever seen to describe it.”

“Dude on the train was like Christopher Columbus discovered America? Man he ain’t discover shit. How you going to “discover” something that’s already there? If you found my wallet in my pocket and took it, you didn’t discover it — you stole it.


“[M]en aren’t oppressed AS ‘men’. At worst we are ‘repressed’ by the very same structures that privilege us and oppressed others, like bruising from firing a high-powering rifle

None of ‘us’ have any longer the symbolic or material capability of dictating the shape of reality to any of ‘them’. Or at least ‘we’ cannot claim innocence from practicing such dominations. White women, including socialist feminists, discovered (that is, were forced kicking and screaming to notice) the non-innocence of the category ‘woman’.” (I have no idea what this means.)


“Thanks to these new laws——which OMG HITLER!! according to Fox News—I can finally, f*cking finally goddamn afford to get healthcare. Do you even understand what an amazing thing that is? I get to be able to go see a doctor for the first time in literally years. I won’t have to wait until my cold becomes pneumonia and I ‘qualify’ to go to the emergency room. I can get therapy, so I can hold a job without wanting to brutally murder each and every single man woman and child I come in contact with due to sheer overstimulation. I can afford to get birth control, so my body can stop thinking it might be fun to bleed for months on end. Do you even know what it’s like trying to do schoolwork when you’re dizzy with anemia, and panicking about getting blood all over your chair (the clothes are already write-offs) because it doesn’t matter how many pads you use or how often you change them; you’re going to keep bleeding and bleeding until it feels like you have no blood left?”

“nothing but love and respect for the people of gaza they’re in the middle of a genocide and they’re trying to help the people in Fergunson protect themselves against tear gas” (This is all over Tumblr. People in Gaza are supposedly tweeting on how to survive tear gas.)

“We’re going to fight capitalism with socialism. Socialism is the people. If you’re afraid of socialism, you’re afraid of yourself.

“here’s an idea: people shouldn’t actually have to have a job to be allowed to remain alive



*If you don’t have a Tumblr account, just type in a random word (“socialists” tumblr, “progressives” tumblr, etc.) in a search and you can visit sites tagged with that word.

Mulder the Cat knows how to open doors


The Biology Exam

Students in a Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.

The last question, worth 70 points, was “Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.”

One student in particular was hard put to think of seven advantages. He struggled to think of six:

1) It is the perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers that are high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A+.

milk bottlesWhat? Were you expecting something else? LOL
insouciant cat

H/t FOTM’s josephbc69