Category Archives: Humor

Why Are Feminists All So Damn UGLY?

image While reading DCG’s recent post http://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2015/03/28/hey-guys-your-handy-guide-to-dating-a-feminist/ a revelation occurred to me: feminism is a conspiracy. A conspiracy created by big pharma in order to sell millions of dollars worth of Viagra!

Outlandish, you say. Not at all! Have you ever been to a feminist rally or seen pictures of feminists? What’s the first thing you notice? If you’re a male, like me, I know what your answer is: My gosh, they’re all UGLY! Can you see the conspiracy now???

By dismissing beauty, femininity, and girlish charm, feminism promotes ugliness. It turns beautiful, free-spirited girls into manly, dogma-spouting zombies. It brainwashes them, destroys their individuality, and casts them adrift in the sea of sameness; they become corks bobbing in the ocean of political correctness. (And ugly corks at that.) Talk about useful idiots! (http://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/12/29/are-you-a-useful-idiot/)

Now do you see the conspiracy??? Confronted by all this ugliness, men can no longer get it up! Who wants to get intimate with a brainwashed shrew? Who wants to make love with someone who looks like their brother Hank? One look at these “feminists” and any normal man goes completely limp! Then Viagra sales go through the roof!

Why it’s downright brilliant! They take young, red-blooded American males, send them off to college where they’re surrounded by dimwitted, Marxist-quoting, butched-out females, and for the rest of his life, the poor guy needs medication to get a rise!

It’s genius, I tell you! Genius! And look at the ancillary sales in liquor and mind-altering drugs! A guy would have to get stone-faced drunk in order to find feminist women attractive. No wonder frat parties serve so much booze!

Can you imagine being married to a feminist??? The horror, the horror! There’s no surprise why the divorce rate is so high now, is there?

Forget about preaching abstinence to youngsters. Send some of these feminazis around to the high schools. Teen sex will disappear faster than you can say Hilary Clinton.

Kinda explains why lesbianism is on the rise, too. When the feminists discover that no man wants to touch them, they turn to the only available source of intimacy: other feminists!

All those false rape accusations we keep hearing about from the universities? It’s their wounded pride, don’t you see? Their egos can’t take the rejection, so they make up stories!

I’d like to keep writing, but I don’t have time. Gotta call my stock broker and load up on shares from companies selling Viagra. I figure I’ll be a millionaire in no time.

http://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2013/11/15/an-open-letter-to-obama-supporters/

http://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2014/09/04/feminism-is-communism/

http://www.savethemales.ca/000185.html

Canada to the rescue

CANADIAN HUMOR

ca-lgflag

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured

  • Iraq and Iran are totally ruined, and the governments don’t know where to start providing help. The world is in shock.
  • The USA is sending troops to help.
  • Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
  • Latin American countries are sending supplies.
  • New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
    China is sending Labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
  • Britain is sending medical teams and supplies.
  • Canada, not to be outdone, is sending
    two-million replacement Muslims.

God Bless CANADA !!!
Damn those CANADIANS are smart !!!

H/t a Canadian friend

Puns for Educated Minds

pun

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again, that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. Then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Ha Ha Ha Ha!

H/t FOTM’s MomOfIV

~Éowyn

Hey guys! Your handy guide to dating a feminist!

feminist

Cosmopolitan: 14 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Feminist. She’s basically the most amazing person on the planet.

1. You’d better be prepared to look at the world/movies/TV shows/everything more closely than you used to. There might be a movie that you really love that you never noticed was super-crazy sexist, and you need to at least be open to hearing her explain why it is and looking at it from another perspective. I dated a guy who hated when I would do this and you will never guess how quickly I dumped him because haha no.

feminism

2. If you don’t identify as a feminist already, you should figure out why that is before going for her. Do you think she should make less than you make for doing the exact same job? No? Then you’re a feminist. This is not difficult, Jeremy.

3. You’re not necessarily going to offend her because she’s a feminist and you paid for her tea. I had a guy buy me an iced tea once and he acted like he wasn’t sure whether to pat himself on the back for being such a good guy or apologize for acting like he owned me. My tea was $1.50, dude. Calm down. If you’re doing a nice thing because you want to do a nice thing, I will love that. Who wouldn’t?

4. Please at least know some basic women’s history. See: Leslie Knope being pissed Officer Dave didn’t know who Madeline Albright was or me being pissed that a guy doesn’t know what riot grrrl music is.

5. “So do you hate men?” is a “joke” she has heard about 5,000 times. And if you make it, I will think you are both uncreative and kind of a dick. Like, are you serious? It’s not 1962 (and let’s be honest, no one thought it was funny then either.)

6. She thinks she’s just as entitled to an orgasm as you are, which will make sex really fun if you’re good in bed or very confusing if you’re not. One time I literally sat on a hookup’s bed after they’d had an orgasm and said, “I didn’t come. I’m not leaving this room until I do,” and I waited. Ohhhh, I waited.

7. It’s fine if you hold the door for her. Just don’t act totally shocked when she’s equally as polite and holds it for you.

8. She will debate anyone she meets who says they aren’t a feminist or expresses anti-feminist sentiments. It might be your dumb-dumb friends, it might be a random guy who said something shitty at a bar we’re at, but it could happen. I never pick fights with anyone, but I’m also not afraid to calmly call someone out for saying something bigoted and frankly, you shouldn’t be either.

9. You’d better be aware of what male privilege is and that you have it. One time my guy friend said to me, “Oh man, male privilege sounds nice. Wish I had some of that. Haha,” and I almost threw him across the room. It’s real. If you’re a guy, you have it. Next topic.

feminist

10. Any lingering anti-feminist beliefs you may still have can and will be challenged. And rightfully so. Ideally, you’d just take an interest in feminism on your own because everyone should, but if you’re going to be dating me, I’m definitely going to call you on the bullshit you may knowingly or unknowingly still say from time to time. Thank her for this. She’s going to save you from making a horrible rape joke in public (aka making any rape joke in public.)

11. She’s happy to teach you about feminism if you’re happy to learn. If you think Beyoncé can’t dance in a revealing outfit and call herself a feminist, you are wrong, but I’m happy to explain to you why that is if you actually want to know. Why? Because I like you.

beyonce3

12. Never, ever, ever tell her about how men are discriminated against too. This isn’t a competition for which gender had been treated more unfairly, but if it were, women will win every time.

13. If you seriously believe we’re all equal and feminism is unnecessary, keep walking. Also, what are you even doing with your life? Clearly it is not “reading literally any news website.”

14. She really, truly believes in equality for all. Feminists are the most amazing people on the planet because we believe in equality for all genders, races, sexual orientations, you name it. Seriously, would you want to date someone who believed anything less? No? Then it’s good that you picked me.

feminist

Go forth and date!

DCG

15 Unusual Animal Friendships That Will Melt Your Heart

There are some people out there that still believe that animals are just dumb beasts, but the unlikely animal friendships we’ve gathered here will prove that they are capable of feeling love and compassion just like we are.

Naturally, all of these pictures are heart-breakingly adorable, but there’s more to it than that. Why did these animals form their friendships? Some of them, like the lions, dogs and elephants, are known for forming strong social relationships or even networks in the wild. In the absence of their prides or packs, it makes sense that they would seek social relationships outside of their own species. Other more solitary animals may form parent-child relationship with animals that they spend time with or that helped raise them, especially if their own parents are gone.

Whatever the reason may be, unusual friendships like these show that animals may be far more emotionally complex than many of us believe. Maybe these friendships aren’t so unusual after all!

1. Bubbles the African Elephant and Bella the Black Labrador

Image credits: Barry Bland

Despite the extreme difference in size, Bubbles the elephant and Bella the black lab have become great friends. Bubbles was brought to a safari reserve in the U.S. after she was rescued from ivory poachers in Africa, while Bella was left there by a contractor for the park. The two are great to see together, especially when Bella uses Bubbles as a diving board! (read more)

2. Bea the Giraffe and Wilma the Ostrich

Image credits: PA

Bea and Wilma have become great friends during their time together at Busch Gardens in the U.S. The two share a huge 65-acre enclosure, so they aren’t forced to spend time together – they do so willingly.

3. Tinni the Dog and Sniffer the Wild Fox

Image credits: Torgeir Berge

Tinni the dog and Sniffer the wild fox have been the best of friends since they met in the forests of Norway. Torgeir Berge, Tinni’s owner, does what he can to keep up and photograph the pair as they play in the woods. (read more)

4. Torque the Dog and Shrek the Owl

Image credits: Solent News and Photos

Torque adopted Shrek the owl chick when he was just 6 months old himself. Shrek was removed from his mother’s care because handlers were afraid that she might eat him when stressed. He’s doing great now, and the two have become inseparable pals.

5. Fred the Labrador and Dennis the Duckling

Image credits: SWNS

Things were looking grim for Dennis the duckling when his mother had been mauled by a fox. Fred the Labrador and his owner Jeremy, however, found and rescued Dennis. Dennis and Fred have been buddies ever since. Fred apparently has a big heart, because it’s not the first time he’s helped take care of an orphan – he once adopted a baby deer as well.

6. Mabel the Chicken and the Puppies

Image credits: Anita Maric

After being saved from the pot due to a foot injury, Mable found a new wonder when she was moved into her owners’ home – puppies! For some reason, the year-old hen has taken to roosting on the puppies and keeping them warm while their mother prefers the yard. Go figure!

7. Milo the Dog and Bonedigger the Lion

Image credits: Barcroft USA

Milo the tiny dachshund took Bonedigger the lion cub under his wing when it was discovered that the lion was suffering from a metabolic bone disease that left him disabled. Five years later, the 500 pound lion is still the best of buddies with the 11-pound dachshund and his two compatriots, Bullet and Angel.

8. Cat and the Fox

Image credits: imgur.com

Image credits: imgur.com

This curious pair was spotted playing by fishermen on the shore of Lake Van in Turkey. Not much is known beyond the fact that they’re very cute and very playful.

9. Shere Khan, Baloo and Leo

Image credits: Barcroft Media

The tale of Shere Khan the tiger, Baloo the bear and Leo the lion is truly touching. The three of them were rescued together from a drug dealer who had abused them extensively. Baloo even needed surgery to remove a harness that had grown into his skin and caused deformities – the owner had never bothered to adjust it. Because of what they’ve suffered together, the three friends are now inseparable. They are under the care of the Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary in the U.S.

10. Mani the Wild Boar Piglet and Candy the Dog

Image credits: spiegel.de

Manni the wild boar piglet was found starving in a field in southwest Germany and brought home by the Dahlhaus family. When he was introduced to their Jack Russell terrier Candy, the two immediately hit it off. Since last we heard, Manni is recovering well and will either stay with his family or move to a wildlife park.

11. Kasi the Cheetah and Mtani the Labrador

Image credits: Busch Gardens Tampa

Kasi and Mtani were raised together at Bush Gardens in the U.S. During their youth, their unusual friendship was a treat to watch. As he grew into adolescence, however, Kasi began drifting away from Mtani and becoming more interested in the female cheetahs in the next pen. While Kasi now spends more time with other cheetahs, the two are still good friends and often visit schools and other places together.

12. Rabbit and Deer

unusual-animal-friendship-9-3

Image credits: Tanja Askani

Spotted by animal photographer Tanja Askani, this unusual deer and rabbit duo looks like right out of Disney’s classic Bambi.

13. Suryia the Orangutan and Roscoe the Blue Tick Hound

Suryia and Roscoe live together at a rare and endangered species reserve in the U.S. While orangutans are endangered, dogs are certainly less so. However, Roscoe has lived with her ever since he followed Suryia and her handlers home. It didn’t look like he had any other home to go to, so he stayed with Suryia, and they’ve been great friends ever since.

14. Kate the Great Dane and Pippin the Deer

Image credits: Isobel Springett

Image credits: Isobel Springett

Pippin the baby deer was adopted by Kate the caring Great Dane. They were great friends while growing up, but as Pippin matured, she moved out into the forest to raise a deer family of her own. She still visits Kate and her owner Isobel, however.

15. Anjana the Chimpanzee and Tiger Cubs

Image credits: Bary Bland

These two white tiger cubs were separated from their mother after her enclosure was flooded during a hurricane. Fortunately, they’ve been adopted by a U.S. animal reserve by Anjana the chimpanzee and their caretaker, China York. Anjana has helped China raise many different orphaned animals, so we’re sure they’re in good hands.

Here’s your non-PC Blonde Joke of the Day!

What does a blonde do if the bathwater is too cold?

H/t FOTM’s dee and Big Geek Dad

~Éowyn

We want Hillary Clinton for 2016!

Hillary for Prison 2016

H/t Barry Soetoro, Esq.

~Éowyn