Category Archives: Humor

Saturday Funny: Father O’Malley and the jackass

jackass2

An Irish Priest is transferred to Iola, Texas.

He rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine Spring day in his new West Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. So the priest promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

“Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”

“And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’ yer lads to take care of the matter.”

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the priest’s Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Then, Father O’Malley replied, “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”

H/t FOTM’s josephbc69 muttley

~Eowyn

The majority have spoken, so here’s a new Caption Contest!

As of 5 minutes ago, 38 readers have voted on whether FOTM should continue our caption contests:

  • 55.25% or 21 readers voted for the contests to continue immediately.
  • 21.05% or 8 readers voted for the contests to discontinue.
  • 13.16% or 5 readers voted for a break.
  • 10.53% or 4 readers said they don’t have an opinion.

The majority have spoken, so here is your new Caption Contest! The others will just have to suck it up. LOL

This is the 97th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest!

Here’s the pic.

batmen in a boat

You know the drill:

  • Enter the contest by submitting your caption as a comment on this thread (scroll down until you see the “LEAVE A REPLY” box), not via email or on Facebook.
  • The winner of the Caption Contest will get a gorgeous Award Certificate of Excellence and a year’s free subscription to FOTM! :D
  • FOTM writers will vote for the winner.
  • Any captions proffered by FOTM writers, no matter how brilliant (ha ha), will not be considered. :(

To get the contest going, here’s my caption:

With news of Hillary’s 2016 presidential race, it’s every Batman for himself as they abandon Gotham U.S.A.

This contest will be closed in a week, at the end of next Tuesday, April 21, 2015.

For the winner of our last Caption Contest, go here.

Seen any pics that you think will make good fodder for our caption contests? Send it to us at:

fellowshipminds@gmail.com

Thank you!

~Éowyn

We have a winner!

. . . for FOTM’s 96th Caption Contest!

We had noticeably fewer entrants for this contest, perhaps due to our readers being busy with Holy Week. (Please let me know in our poll at the end of this post!)

FOTM writers dutifully voted for what we each considered to be the #1 and #2 captions. Each #1 vote is worth 3 points; every #2 vote is worth 2 points.

And the winner of the 96th world-famous FOTM Caption Contest, with three #1 votes, totaling 9 points, is . . . .

CalGirl! Snoopy dance

Here’s her winning caption:

It's truthtelling time!

christy is our 2nd place runner-up, with two #1 votes, totaling 6 points. Here’s her caption:

Obama: “I’m a whiny pissy pants”
Michelle: “Bruce Jenner, call me”

BobToonist and cynkading are both in 3rd place, each withtwo #2 votes, totaling 4 points each. Here are their respective captions:

Barry: “All those fools be thinkin’ I’m a muslim….”
Michelle: “You’re standing on your prayer rug, idiot!”

Dr. Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde

aarrdy and Lori B are both in 4th place, each with one #1 votes and 3 points. Here are their respective captions:

His: This is Me..
Her: I’m with Stupid <—

His: blank check for war
Hers: menu for disadvantaged public school kids

Another BobToonist caption, Captain America, and Dennis H. Bennett are all in 5th place, each with one #2 vote and 2 points. Here are their respective captions:

Him: I can handle twelve hard inches
Her: They’re mine

Obumble’s sign says “Catcher”
Uglies’ sign says “Pitcher”

His: I’m Ren
Hers: And I’m Stimpy

Well done, everyone!

Congratulations, CalGirl!

Here is your fancy-schmancy Award Certificate of Great Excellence, all ready for framing! LOL

StrawberrydancingbananaCarrotChilliMuffinPurpleBanana PineappledancingbananaCarrotChilliMuffinPineappleStrawberry

award certificate1

For all the other caption submissions, go here.

Please sound off in our poll!

Seen any good pics that you think would be great for our Caption Contest? Email them to us! :D

fellowshipminds@gmail.com

~Éowyn

Partners in Crime: birds steal food for dogs

#1: The pasta is in a bowl on the kitchen counter, accessible to the flying bird but not to the earth-bound dog. So parrot shares pasta with dog!

#2: Bird brings spaghetti from pot on stove and shares with dog on ground. Look how patient and polite the dog is.

#3: Accessibility is not the issue here, as bird, cat, and dog are all on the floor, in proximity to the food. But the crow brings morsels of food from the container and lovingly beak-feeds the cat and dog.

A bird empathizes with the dog on the ground, and so brings the inaccessible pasta to share with the dog.

A crow lovingly feeds morsels of food to her cat and dog housemates.

Just because non-human animals can’t speak our language doesn’t mean we can’t understand their behaviors — of inter-species kindness, friendship, and love.

H/t Robyn Lee of Serious Eats and FOTM’s silent reader CSM

~Éowyn

We are Super Ninja Cats, masters of ancient art of Ninjutsu!

Ninjutsu (忍術) is the strategy and tactics of guerrilla warfare and espionage practiced by the sneaky Ninja (忍者) of feudal Japan.

cat21

Super Ninja Cats begin their training very early, when they are still babies.

baby ninja

To begin, the Ninja is a skillful athlete in leaping and jumping.

cat25

The Ninja is sneaky . . . .

PUBLISHED by catsmob.com

An important Ninjutsu skill that every Ninja must master is how to hide in plain sight.

These Ninja trainees haven’t quite mastered the “hide in plain sight” technique yet.

cat14cat6

Here are some Ninja trainees who are becoming very good at the technique.

cat11cat12cat5

A variation on “hide in plain sight” is the art of camouflage or blending into the background.

cat10cat24cat22

If your hiding place is discovered, a good Ninja resorts to the art of hypnotism.

cat26

These Ninja cats clearly have mastered the “hide in plain sight” technique. Can you find them?

cat20cat28cat1cat9cat15cat17cat18cat19cat27

Another essential Ninjutsu skill is scaling vertical surfaces.

cat2cat16

Next, the Ninja acquires the impressive Ninjutsu technique of hiding in high places.

catcat13cat4

Why?

Because your enemy least expects an ambush from above!

cat3

Finally, the Ninja engages in open warfare.

Kiai!!!!!!!

cat23cat8

Source of pics: Earth Porm

H/t FOTM’s CSM

~Éowyn

Angry Easter cats

Did you have a good Easter Sunday?

These cats surely didn’t, finding it utterly humiliating to have to wear bunny ears.

bunny cat1bunny cat2bunny cat3bunny cat4bunny cat5bunny cat6bunny cat7bunny cat8bunny cat10

And lastly, if looks could kill . . . .  LOL

bunny cat9

Source: Top 10

H/t FOTM’s maziel

~Éowyn

Saturday Funny: Estate planning

A man was telling his buddy, “You won’t believe what happened last night!”

“My daughter walked into the living room and said: ‘Dad, do not pay off my college tuition loan, cancel my allowance, throw away all my clothes and take my iPhone and laptop. In addition, please take all of my jewelry to Salvation Army. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and lock me out of your house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anyone you choose.'”

“Holy Smokes”, replied the friend. “She actually said that?”

The father replied, “Well, she didn’t actually put it quite like that…. What she said was: ‘Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hillary’s 2016 election campaign.'”

H/t FOTM’s josephbc69

~Éowyn