Author Archives: Hardnox

Wild Bill – Christian America

Here’s a few historical nuggets of truth from Wild Bill concerning the Christian history of this nation.  The libnuts would like us all to believe that their revised secular version of history is factual but the real truth is quite the opposite.

 

Here’s David Barton’s Capitol Tour that Wild Bill mentions:

 

Hey libs, how’s it feel to be so ignorant of US History?  It must suck to be you.

~ Hardnox

Funny Friday – July 27, 2012

OK you know the rules.  Feel free to add your own.

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replied, “That would be my wife.”

_____

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow , push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ………

“What . . . You coming empty handed?”

_____

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”

“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. “

“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.” Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’.

_____

At dawn the telephone rings,

“Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.”

“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead”.

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”

“Si, Senor, that’s the one.”

“Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”

“From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.”

“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”

“Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

“The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.”

“My prize thoroughbred is dead?”

“Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.”

“Are you insane? What water cart?”

“The one we used to put out the fire,Senor.”

“Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?”

“The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”

“What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!”

“Yes, Senor Rod.”

“But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?”

“For the funeral, Senor Rod.”

“WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!”

“Your wife’s, Senor Rod”.

She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft.”

SILENCE………..

LONG SILENCE………

VERY LONG SILENCE…

………”Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you’re in deep shit.”

Funny Friday – July 7, 2012

Please join in.  You know the rules…

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill.  Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces.  “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.  It’s an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope.  Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.”

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, ‘How much will a brain cost?’

The doctor quickly responded, ‘$50,000 for a Liberal’s brain; $200 for a Conservative’s brain.’

The moment turned awkward.  Some of the Liberals actually had to ‘try’ to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Conservatives.  A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, ‘Why is the Liberal’s brain so much more than a Conservative’s brain?’

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, ‘It’s just standard pricing procedure.  We have to price the Conservatives’ brains a lot lower because they’ve been used.”

___________________

Sven and Ole, two Minnesota engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.  A woman walks by and asks what they were doing.

“Ve’re supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, ” said Sven, “but ve don’t haff a ladder.”

The woman takes a wrench from her purse, loosens a couple bolts, and lays the pole down on the ground.

Then takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, takes a measurement and announces, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walks away.

Ole shakes his head and laughs. “Ain’t dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!”

Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently Democrats serving in the United States Senate.

________________

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.’

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, ‘Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!’

As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed ‘YES! YES! I WON! I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.  Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’

The other answered, ‘I don’t know… I thought you were watching.’

Moral of the story:

1. Not all Southerners are stupid.

2. Not all blondes are dumb.

3. But all men… Are men.  :)

Full Interview of George Zimmerman on Hannity – July 18, 2012