$385K to study length of duck penis

America’s national debt is fast approaching $17 TRILLION.

In the name of trimming the budget (not the debt!), the military must endure cutbacks, including the suspension of tuition assistance programs for servicemembers (while illegal immigrants get free tuition). Meanwhile, the feral [sic] government makes no effort to eliminate wasteful spending, such as:

Add a $395k study to look at “plasticity in duck penis length” to the above list.

Ruddy DuckThis perky-looking Ruddy Duck is among the species of ducks whose penis length is being measured in the $385k Yale U. study on duck genitalia.

Eric Scheiner reports for CNSNews, March 19, 2013, that the National Science Foundation (NSF) has awarded a $384,949 grant to Yale University for a study on “Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia”, according to the recovery.gov website.

The grant description says “The project examines how reproductive morphology covaries with season, age, and social environment in a diverse sample of duck species that differ in ecology, territoriality and breeding system.”

Translated into plain English, what the research aims to do is to “study” how the penises (“reproductive morphology”) of ducks change in size (“covaries”) according to the time of the year (“season”), the age of the duck, and the “social environment” (whatever that means).

The grant was made available through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, better known as the stimulus package.

The project has been receiving money from the NSF since 2009 and is slated for funding through July of this year.

Many duck penises are cork-screw shaped and some scientists believe this is because of a form of evolution known as “sexual conflict”.

According to the “Awards Summary” about this very important research project: “Preliminary results of the project, suggest that male competition plays an important role in the evolution of waterfowl reproductive morphology, that male reproductive morphology is plastic depending on age.”

Translated into plain English, what this means is that after three years of study (the project’s funding began in 2009), the Yale scientists discovered that the length and size of duck penises change with age.

No kidding?

Without a budget of $384,949, I could have told you that!

NSF spokeswoman Deborah Wing told CNSNews.com the updated title of the study is “Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior and Evolution.” Wing says, “The study met the criteria of the NSF panel of scientific peers as part of the grant approval process. The NSF strives to be good stewards of taxpayers dollars. Basic research often is combined with other research efforts and turns into bigger things. Government funded grants for research have assisted in creating the barcode and Google.”

The NSF grant abstract boasts that “Broader impacts of the research will be international, national, local, and personal.” Among those having a personal experience with the study are young minorities: “The project will incorporate high school students from under-represented minorities through the Yale University EVOLUTIONISTS program.”

Ahhh, so that’s why the project costs $385k. It’s another friggin’ “affirmative action” program scam!

Richard Prum

Richard Prum

CNSNews says their e-mail and phone attempts to contact the study’s Principal Research Investigator, Richard Prum, a professor at Yale University, “were unreturned”. That means Prum got the email and phone calls but chose not to respond.

H/t California Political News & Views

~Eowyn

19 responses to “$385K to study length of duck penis

  1. Please tell me you are joking about this study.

  2. I would not doubt that this grant is just another smoke screen cover to pay-off one of Obama’s crony supporters; and, of course – all on the backs of the peon taxpayers………..

  3. Gee, suddenly I feel so, so, so very inadequate. No one in the government wants to know how us geezers are morphologizing.

  4. Oh, forgive please. The givernment (yes- givernmnet) is indeed concerned about my morphologizing as documented in Dr. E’s previous post here:

    http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/2011/07/18/your-tax-dollars-at-work-3/

    Oh. Wait. It was for the study of gay peepees. Dang.
    With sequester issues will there be enough taxpayer money to study queer duck peepees?

  5. A country run by idiots…

  6. Thank you Dr. Eowyn for this damning post! Such horrible waste of the taxpayers’ money! This is horrible!

  7. $385K to study a duck’s dork, but they can’t keep the White House open.

    Priorities, I guess.

    -Dave

  8. Oh, Dr, E,

    There are so many jokes I want to make right now, but would regret later.

    Well… there is the one about the…
    no… can’t go there, just can’t.

  9. Quackery’s on the rise…

  10. What the duck is going on here ?

  11. Howard the Duck you say?

  12. When the duck was asked how he wanted to pay for his condom he simply said, “please put it on my bill”.

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