Please join in. You know the rules…
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, ‘How much will a brain cost?’
The doctor quickly responded, ‘$50,000 for a Liberal’s brain; $200 for a Conservative’s brain.’
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Liberals actually had to ‘try’ to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Conservatives. A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, ‘Why is the Liberal’s brain so much more than a Conservative’s brain?’
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, ‘It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Conservatives’ brains a lot lower because they’ve been used.”
Sven and Ole, two Minnesota engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by and asks what they were doing.
“Ve’re supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, ” said Sven, “but ve don’t haff a ladder.”
The woman takes a wrench from her purse, loosens a couple bolts, and lays the pole down on the ground.
Then takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, takes a measurement and announces, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walks away.
Ole shakes his head and laughs. “Ain’t dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!”
Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently Democrats serving in the United States Senate.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.’
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, ‘Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!’
As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed ‘YES! YES! I WON! I WON!’
She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know… I thought you were watching.’
Moral of the story:
1. Not all Southerners are stupid.
2. Not all blondes are dumb.
3. But all men… Are men. :)