Here’s the top secret Democratic National Convention schedule!

The 2012 Democratic National Convention, in which delegates of the Democratic Party from the 50 states will choose rubber-stamp the party’s nominees for President and Vice President in the November 6th election, is scheduled to be held during the week of September 3.

Thanks to FOTM’s intrepid on-the-ground reporter Lady Wendy, we have a copy of the top-secret Democratic National Convention schedule!

~Eowyn


Charlotte, NC, is going all out for the DNC with this special retractable-roof stadium!

The 2012 Democratic National Convention

4:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:15 PM – Singing of “God Damn America” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:25 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:30 PM – Obama’s mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, “blesses” convention in special Santeria voodoo ceremony.
4:45 PM –Al Sharpton leads Castrati Choir in singing “Great Balls of Fire”
5:00 PM – UFO Abduction Survival – Joe Biden
5:30 PM – Special roundtable on “Adultery and Family Values,” with Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, and Jesse Jackson.
5:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States
6:00 PM – Joe Biden delivers 100,000-word speech featuring 23-minute question session and 2-hour answer session
8:30 PM – Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM – Bill Clinton delivers rousing endorsement of Obama Girl who, sadly, is now a Republican.
9:15 PM – Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo – Michael Moore
9:30 PM – Snack break – Delicious roasted Anthony weiners, served with special Nina Totenberg BBQ sauce!
9:45 PM – Personal Finance Seminar by Charlie Rangel, with special “how to stay out of jail” bonus tips!
10:00 PM – Denunciation of Bitter Bible-Reading Pro-life Gun-Owners and of Veterans – Janet Napolitano
10:30 PM – Ceremonial Waving of White Flag to Afghan Talibans
11:00 PM – Obama Energy Plan Symposium: How to sell oil to China, raise gas prices, and pour millions of taxpayer dollars into green energy sinkholes like Solyndra!
11:15 PM – Rally to free Jon Corzine (of MF Global) and Jamie Dimon (of JP Morgan Chase)
11:30 PM – Almost-midnight snack of $16 muffins!
11:45 AM – Convention delegates consult their Oujia boards.
12:00 PM – Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher, The Beast
12:01 AM – Obama Accepts Nomination as President King
12:02 AM – Bolt of lightning incinerates convention hall

14 responses to “Here’s the top secret Democratic National Convention schedule!

  1. Dr. Eowyn, if that agenda weren’t so plausible it would be fall down funny!

    Now I couldn’t help but notice they eliminated the planned NWO’s Roast of Anthony’s Weiner. Or is that just Anthony Weiner? Well, they were going to roast a Weiner or so I heard. The coronation ceremony likely caused that to be bumped.

  2. edward oleander

    Green Party Convention Schedule:
    0800 – Closing: Smell the flowers, man, smell the flowers.

    Socialist Party Convention Schedule:
    0800 – Opening Ceremony – Theme: Forward into bankruptcy
    1200 – Keynote Speakers Pinky and the Brain report on efforts to take over the world.
    2200 – Closing – Having agreed on nothing, Convention disbands to home in comfortable cars, trains, and planes to blog on high-quality, inexpensive computers about the evils of capitalism.

    Libertarian Party Convention Schedule:
    0800 – 2300 Read the Constitution, skipping the inconvenient parts.
    2300 – Closing: Choose no-one because we don’t need the Federal Government anyway.
    Post Closing – Load guns… It’s a long walk back to the hotel.

    GOP Convention Schedule:
    Opening Ceremony – CANCELLED – Participants too busy suing Facebook for demonstrating why the market can be risky.

    0900 – 2000 – Shake down the homeless for loose change to make for Facebook losses.

    2000 – closing – Select Romney in a mighty gnashing of teeth.

    2300 – Leave building by walking on a row of OWS protesters, and Trickling Down this mornings beer onto their faces.
    ;-)

  3. lowtechgrannie

    The only thing missing is the obligatory conga line! LOL

  4. I like how it ends :)

  5. Sounds about right.

  6. You forgot the halftime stadium fly-over by the Goodyear Drone.

  7. Did Michael Moore donate the roof vent, or did he crush another one of his toilets again, and get a new one built?

  8. Oh, one more thing is missing: 12:03 AM…big impromptu barbecue…bolt of lightning incinerated Joey the gaffe chicken Biden. Can’t let a barbecued chicken go to waste!

  9. …how about a courtesy flush to keep the smell down ?

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